bb with bf for 2+ years and now can't use condoms, plz hlp!!

[talk2ale]

Hi guys,

Please help, I broke up with my bf and am back to the dating scene, but my D is not helping. When I start putting the condom on, my D goes limb!!

It's happened much more than once to really make me worry. I don't mind looking like an idiot with the other guy about this, and I really don't mind blowing the guy off, but I wanna Fck normally.

Have you ever heard anything like this? what do you guys recommend?

I'm so sad.... I don't even wanna date anymore...

Hope to hear some ideas.

Thank you,

Alejandro

 

[etilit]

Hi Alejandro..it happens to everyone on occasion maybe its a nothing more than just thinking to much or maybe its a health issue but if it keeps happening go see a doc lol

 

[talk2ale]

tnx for the reply, but...
it's def. not one of "those things"...
i get hard, very hard until i put the damn thing on, and like magic... it goes limb
and if i see a doc, it'd have to be a shrink, 'coz i guess it's not physical, I tried all kinds of condoms (sensitive, thin, bla, bla) and plenty of times
but before I see a shrink, I just wanted to see if anyone had ever encountered something like this
i guess therapy would help.... ?
how sad.... i feel so bad
this sux! and not in the good way
tnx etilit

 

[RuG]

i think you need to let yourself adjust to wearing a condom again. after 2+ years your D has become used with not wearing anything. don't freak out because if you freaked out then it will stick in your mind for a long time.

 

[talk2ale]

tnx RuG i think you have a good point, i have thought about it
i decided to quit sex for some time so my body can forget
but after almost a week (today) i just... ended up with this guy and well... u know
but i told him that i was having this issue, so he said that he'd put me the condom on
so he blindfolded me and u know...
and i managed to stay up until he sat on me and then i realized what was happening and boom!... D did it again
and then i freaked out, even totally relaxed, not seeing what was happening...
and i also thought how hard it is to stay away from sex
and i really don't wanna lock myself up
sorry guys, i may be rumbling
but has anyone ever heard of something like this?

 

[brmstn69]

Have you tried masturbating with a condom to get acquainted with the feeling?

 

[talk2ale]

thanks brmstn69, I haven't really thought of that
it's been... a while since i last jerked off
that used to be fun too...
tnx!

 

[hawtsean]

tnx for the reply, but...
it's def. not one of "those things"...
i get hard, very hard until i put the damn thing on, and like magic... it goes limb
and if i see a doc, it'd have to be a shrink, 'coz i guess it's not physical,

You're right, it's not physical, but don't run to a shrink just yet. Remember that the largest sexual organ in the human body is the brain. All sex begins there....desire, action, erection, climax. All of this begins with very deeply-seated trigger signals within the brain. Just as we learn to balance ourselves on a two-wheeled bicycle and ride, so too can we learn to enjoy sex with or without a condom. No one jumped on a bike the first time and rode it successfully, there were a couple of falls and false starts. No difference in the change you are undergoing.

If you really want to spend time and money visiting with a therapist, you can do that. Or as brmstn69 suggests, learn to enjoy masturbation with a condom on.

 

[talk2ale]

thank you hawtsean
i figured it'd be something like that, i just wanted to make sure asking someone
and i dont really have someone to ask... my friends were a bit weird about this
their solution was "just get a new bf"... as it'd be that easy....
anyhow... i'm gonna try that
thank you

 

[OceanJeff37]

Maybe have the other guy put it on you...or when you are alone, practice with it on...silly? yes, but might work for you!

later,

jeff c

 

[topdog]

I have experienced this sometimes and I know how frustrating and even intimidating that situation can be.

First of all, this is very likely to be a transitional thing. By that I mean that it is temporary, and also that it is connected to the whole experience of finding yourself and your way in the world after a breakup. As you become more confident in this new stage of your life, you will probably find the condom + erection issue fixes itself.

I also had to get away from thinking of sex as just penetration. I think hawtsean is right on about the brain and sex. This is your chance to explore other erotic possibilities. There is more to turning your partner on that touching them.

I used to think that sex was about accomplishing something - like penetration and orgasm. But I learned that it was much more than that. There's teasing, withholding, submitting, dominating, joking, laughing, ravishing, soothing... the list is endless. During this time I discovered that sex was about the playing, the give and take. I stopped focusing on "the big finale" and worked on making the journey unforgettable. Now sex is often at 3, 4, or even 5 hour experience - there are so many possibilities to explore; especially with a new partner. There may be a limited number of sexual activities, but the ways you can do them are limitless.

Anyway, that's how it worked out for me. I hope there is something there that might help you through this.

 

[talk2ale]

tnx jeff
i'm about to start practing right now

 

[talk2ale]

tnx topdog
i absolutely know what you mean, and what you describe is something i do with my bf
now i'm single, and i really don't need a bf right now... i'm very happy
we decided on a healthy break now we're on different regions of the world
and are going to get back together again in the future, he is my man
but until then, sex is the priority and by that i mean penetration and orgasm mainly
thanks for your thoughts!
cheers,
alejandro

 

[hawtsean]

I used to think that sex was about accomplishing something - like penetration and orgasm. But I learned that it was much more than that. There's teasing, withholding, submitting, dominating, joking, laughing, ravishing, soothing... the list is endless. During this time I discovered that sex was about the playing, the give and take. I stopped focusing on "the big finale" and worked on making the journey unforgettable.

Big tip of the hat to you, Topdog. That is a wonderful bit of phrasing, and captures the essence of what I (and you and others) believe sexual relations to be all about.:cheers: