I have experienced the same thing and I was told the same thing about being homosexual as you were. However, I have to say that I was only lying to myself and as time passed, my feelings for men only got stronger. I went through the same tatics as you with viewing porn, etc. But eventually, I longed for the human body contact. If you want me to be honest, I come from a family who does not accept homosexuality. I was kind of forced into telling my mom my sexual orientation due to the fact that my bf at the time would call her house constantly whenever I visit which made her curious as to what was really going on between us. My mom betrayed my confidentiality and told the whole family which caused me to become outcast for sooo many years. What got me through was the fact that my friends' families had accepted me as an additional member of their families and made me feel secure and confident of my sexuality without having any excuses. Honestly, being outcast from my family caused me a great deal of hurt and pain for quite sometime. Eventually, I have gotten to the point of being accepting of their outcasting and keeping my distance totally. I do have contact on a consistent level from my younger sisters as opposed to the rest of the family. As far as the religious perspective, I don't believe that God hates homosexuality due to the fact that there are far too many people who are homosexuals even back in the biblicial times, and by my reading the Bible daily, I know that God loves us all unconditionally, and if you ever read the Bible, you may have noticed that the chapters within the Bible are written by God's disciples, not God himself. Every chapter is written by a particular disciple who tells the reader what God liked and disliked from their perspective. If you think about it..That is like someone telling you something about a friend of yours, and the information is not coming from your friend. Therefore, I expect you to lean toward the information for your friend as opposed to hearing it from someone you don't know..you follow me???...What I can say to you as far as advice goes, that eventually, you will get to the point where you will have to make a decision based upon your personal happiness and not for the sake of those you are trying to please because you will get frustrated and feel burden down with trying to supress something that you really are deep inside of you...everyone has skeletons in their closets whether they want to admit or not..once you get to that point, you will not care about what others think because you accepting yourself for being the true you will serve as the priority over everything else. And those who may abandon you because of your orientation was not for you in the first place. True love is accepting an individual with unconditional love not because of a label. I also feel that when people walk out of your life, God places new people in who turns out to be far better human beings than those who walked away. Being gay is not something that you can turn or off...when you try to turn it off..the desire will reveal itself again, and again..and again..because its a natural part of you as a person. Good luck...just whatever or whenver you decide its time to press on and accept..let it come from you naturally, not from the talk of others...take all advice that is positive and mold it to your liking ..to encourage..and enlightened you.
