Casual sex/one-nighters vs. traditional dating sex

[Lucas88]

Does anyone feel it is easier to sleep with strangers than with a guy you've known for a while through dating (dinner, drinks, talking etc)?
I'm always so nervous when I'm about to sleep with a guy I've been dating. It's so much pressure with all the feeings involved. It's much easier to go all out with guy you don't know because there are no strings attached.
I was talking to a friend and she thought I was out of my mind to feel that way because she has a hard time even sleeping with a stranger. I guess I need some reassurance that I'm not a complete whackjob

 

[gb2000ie]

I'm with your friend - I find having sex a very normal part of a developing relationship. I find the thought of sex with strangers very off-putting.

To each their own - just because I think this way, that does not mean you are a whackjob because you think differently!

B.

 

[platinumblk2]

Agree with you totally Lucus88. For me, I feel a little more pressure when first sleeping with a guy I have been dating because I like them and I am getting to know them, so I don't want the sex to be disappointing. If it were disappointing, then feelings would be hurt and that time invested in developing the relationship, would seem pointless.

With strangers (and I know this is gonna sound awful) who cares. It is a mutual sexual arrangement and you get what you want from it and move on.

 

[Shelter]

Agree with you totally Lucus88. For me, I feel a little more pressure when first sleeping with a guy I have been dating because I like them and I am getting to know them, so I don't want the sex to be disappointing. If it were disappointing, then feelings would be hurt and that time invested in developing the relationship, would seem pointless.

With strangers (and I know this is gonna sound awful) who cares. It is a mutual sexual arrangement and you get what you want from it and move on.

I really don't understand! Why do you feel any form of pressure when you first sleeping with a guy you have been dating? So my question - why do you dating him at all?

If you are dating a guy, I think you must have feelings for him and he for you! So why are you apprehending that something could go wrong or would be disappointing if you are having the first sex with him? I know every "first time" will be an adventure - but without the "first time" you never will get a longtime relationship.

The other side is - you don't want or you are not ready for a long time relationship and you like more to flitter as an butterfly from flower to flower?!

 

[platinumblk2]

Hey Shelter. Thanks for you response.

What I mean is that if I really like someone I have just started dating, then I really want that first sexual experience to be a good one and that in itself, adds a little more pressure to the situation. When I have been in long term relationships before, there is no pressure at all as we both knew what we liked. We hopped into bed and got on with it and felt comfortable around each other as we knew each others bodies well and knew what we liked.

I don't see a little pressure regarding the first time as a bad thing. For me, it makes you more attentative to your partners needs. I agree with you totally that the first time can be an adventure but I want it to be a good adventure. I can't speak for Lucas88 but for me, bad sex changes the dynamic of a relationship so you want the first time with someone new to be a great one.

 

[Jonny]

You don't always know what to expect every time you have sex, whether it is your first time, with someone you know or just a casual fling. You may feel nervous or intimidated because you've likely never seen each other naked before and just the fact that you have never done anything with this person can make things feel awkward.

Sometimes there is pressure when it comes to having sex with someone that you are dating or in a relationship with. There's more at risk emotionally and you don't want things to go badly. What if the sex isn't good or you're somehow not sexually compatible? What if they/you aren't that attracted to their/your body?...

There are definitely risks each time you have sex regardless if it's meaningful or just about having fun.

 

[Otage]

Does anyone feel it is easier to sleep with strangers than with a guy you've known for a while through dating (dinner, drinks, talking etc)?
I'm always so nervous when I'm about to sleep with a guy I've been dating. It's so much pressure with all the feeings involved. It's much easier to go all out with guy you don't know because there are no strings attached.
I was talking to a friend and she thought I was out of my mind to feel that way because she has a hard time even sleeping with a stranger. I guess I need some reassurance that I'm not a complete whackjob

It's easier with one night stands, you don't really have nothing to lose emotionally, and in one night stand getting turned down or you turning some one away is very excepted and normal. But while you have little to lose, you also have very little to win.

But I don't condemn. I have liked one night stands myself before I met my current bf

 

[Hyp]

Is there an emotional difference for you between anal sex and just exchanging handjobs/blowjobs?

 

[Shelter]

Is there an emotional difference for you between anal sex and just exchanging handjobs/blowjobs?

Well - a handjob/blowjob is something to relief your or your partner's accrued tension - but anal sex (and I'm speaking here only for myself) is something where you addict yourself totally to your partner because you have to trust him unconditionally.
And that, I think, is really a very big emotional difference.

 

[Otage]

Good point Shelter. Hadn't really never given any thought about that, but now that I do, I have to agree with you. I mean there is sex and then there is SEX