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Dating advice
- Thread starter ickkck
- Start date
gb2000ie
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Stop searching!
It sounds utterly counter-intuitive, but it's been my experience that you never find love when you're seeking love, you find it when you're in a place where you're happy being single and you're happy being you. I think it's because you're yourself when you're not looking much more than when you are, and also because you can't find happiness in love if you're not content in your own skin. Love isn't a panacea that fixes all ills, it's not a way to make you happy, it's a way to share happiness, and if you're not happy along, you got nothing to share! Love isn't a solution to your problems, it's a very rewarding challenge. If you can't be happy and content when it's just you, you've got no chance in a relationship where you need to need to give to to the relationship as well as to yourself.
I'm not sure I'm explaining it very well, but it's been my experience that love is something that gets scarcer the harder you look.
B.
I totally agree...you will always find someone worthwhile when you aren't looking for them. Many times when you're seeking a person, more than likely, it will turn out out to a bad situation. It's like going to the grocery store and you specifically go in looking for bananas, but somehow, you wind up with lemons....so, I say, let things happen naturally, that way, it will have the best effect...:thumbs up:
zortek
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i completely agree. if you go looking/searching for love in a desperate quest to be fulfilled, you end up making bad judgments and in unhappy situations.
my own current relationship, (2 and a half years now, but halfway through a 12 month long distance phase, talking every day, back with each other soon
) happened from offering another regular a seat at my table during a busy lunch in our local cafe.neither of us were looking, but friendship and then a relationship grew from that.
i would just say relax, don't force it,
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topdog
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That's been my experience as well - running after romance isn't an effective way to find it.
However, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't be busy. Hanging around your bedroom watching TV won't get you very far, either.
I suggest a change of focus. Instead of going after Mr. Right, concentrate on making new friends and expanding those relationships. Even in today's online world most people meet their partners through friends or activities that they do with their friends.
If you decide to try online dating, think of your meetings as a search for compatible new friends instead of a date. ( Bonus : There's much less pressure that way.) If you want to keep your private life offline try joining an activity or project that reflects your interests. That will put you right in the middle of like-minded people.
Expand your circle of friends with people who share your passions. That will put you on the most likely path to love, in whatever form it comes.
And believe me, I've sucked on my share of lemons...
However, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't be busy. Hanging around your bedroom watching TV won't get you very far, either.
I suggest a change of focus. Instead of going after Mr. Right, concentrate on making new friends and expanding those relationships. Even in today's online world most people meet their partners through friends or activities that they do with their friends.
If you decide to try online dating, think of your meetings as a search for compatible new friends instead of a date. ( Bonus : There's much less pressure that way.) If you want to keep your private life offline try joining an activity or project that reflects your interests. That will put you right in the middle of like-minded people.
Expand your circle of friends with people who share your passions. That will put you on the most likely path to love, in whatever form it comes.
And believe me, I've sucked on my share of lemons...
Yes, met the love of my life through a business meeting, a total fluke in the dating game; he was much younger and gorgeous etc but he just needed someone in his life at that time, but wasn't really looking. And I did not push it all but he wanted to get to know me better.
So the advice about pushing too hard is good advice.
So the advice about pushing too hard is good advice.
S
SimplyJakeAndAlex
Guest
Hi my name is Raoul, I'm a fun loving individual with strong principles about love. I'm putting out a world wide web bulletin to get everyone's help. You see, I've lost my smile. I'm not really myself without it. I have a couple leads that give me hope that it may have been found, including a vague description. He appears to be between 18 and 40 years old, but may appear younger than his age. He's at least 5'10" (I am 6') athletic built, but doesn't live at the gym either. He has high-maintenance looks with a down-to-earth attitude, values, and personality. He loves rock & roll and may be found at concerts. I have conflicting reports that he's either a blonde or a brunette. He's intelligent with his own career and not dependent on someone to support him. If this person can be found, I can offer a reward of lifetime devotion, long, slow kisses that last for days, midnight massages, a partner that loves to cook and doesn't mind sharing in the household chores, someone to wash your back, a shoulder to lean on, and someone who will hold you at night. If you think you may have found my smile, please e-mail me as I really need it to be myself. Thanks. I am not looking into a sexual partner I'm looking into a love partner that has similar taste.
That's sound nice now doesn't it? Until you find out that this is all just words put in a beautiful forms. The text is very original, poetic and almost make you believe that the dude is really into whatever he says. Well that's it! It is just words... chance are that he does look for a sexual partner because that's often the first things we look for in a partner before the love bugs starts acting.
Just like everybody else said, stop looking, when you desperately look for a partner you end up in very difficult relationship most of the time because you're desperate and so is he. There's a lot of very beautiful people out there and you'd believe that they are price catch because they look nice, WRONG they are often as desperate as you are, sure they can get easy sex for their look but the love that they are pursuing is often a fantasy that they fell in for personal ad like the one I have just posted. When love will hit you you'll know and you will definitely know what to do.
That's sound nice now doesn't it? Until you find out that this is all just words put in a beautiful forms. The text is very original, poetic and almost make you believe that the dude is really into whatever he says. Well that's it! It is just words... chance are that he does look for a sexual partner because that's often the first things we look for in a partner before the love bugs starts acting.
Just like everybody else said, stop looking, when you desperately look for a partner you end up in very difficult relationship most of the time because you're desperate and so is he. There's a lot of very beautiful people out there and you'd believe that they are price catch because they look nice, WRONG they are often as desperate as you are, sure they can get easy sex for their look but the love that they are pursuing is often a fantasy that they fell in for personal ad like the one I have just posted. When love will hit you you'll know and you will definitely know what to do.
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hawtsean
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WOW Jake, you should write love statements for Hallmark Greeting Cards!
BTW, regarding those long slow kisses that last for days.....do you include chapstick with the deal??:rofl:
S
SimplyJakeAndAlex
Guest
In French I'm a good poet, so sometimes i need to write in French and try my best to translate the idea in English... I guess this one wasn't too bad, however here's the secret it is an adapted text I kept from one of my user in a old business I had. I found it so kitsch I kept it and it seemed to be the right thread to get it out. LOL. :rofl:WOW Jake, you should write love statements for Hallmark Greeting Cards!
No but I predict that kissing for days will prevent them from having oral sex for weeks until the blisters heal lolBTW, regarding those long slow kisses that last for days.....do you include chapstick with the deal?:rofl:?
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W
wildchild
Guest
All the advice here say you shouldn't go actively looking. It's a weird thing, I didn't go out searching at ALL. I just happened to stumble upon two lovely guys during my lifetime so far. Right time, at the right place! It was fate, serendipitous hahah I'm kidding. But it was pretty cool that I wasn't looking and they were there.
One tip though is that you need to get yourself out there (not online) and hang out where you like - if you like the reading go to the library. If you're a wild type probably hit the club. Or even try volunteer work. I'm always telling my friend to get out there - because finding a guy online is pretty hard. You're most likely to find people who gel with you very well and voila.
Invite me to the wedding aye
One tip though is that you need to get yourself out there (not online) and hang out where you like - if you like the reading go to the library. If you're a wild type probably hit the club. Or even try volunteer work. I'm always telling my friend to get out there - because finding a guy online is pretty hard. You're most likely to find people who gel with you very well and voila.
Invite me to the wedding aye
S
SimplyJakeAndAlex
Guest
Actively searching is the worst thing to do because you often put the bar too high, heck if I were actively searching when I met my Alex I would have never end up with him. I always had a crush for little blond dudes but knows very well that if I'm trying and trying online or in person the result will be quite often devastating or very not close to what I was expecting. So there's in a party where I was with my girlfriend of the time this 19 years old boy approach me showing all his beautiful teeth in is mouth asking me for lessons in Jiujitsu, oh yeah I did want to give him a lesson but certainly not in jiujitsu.All the advice here say you shouldn't go actively looking. It's a weird thing, I didn't go out searching at ALL. I just happened to stumble upon two lovely guys during my lifetime so far. Right time, at the right place! It was fate, serendipitous hahah I'm kidding. But it was pretty cool that I wasn't looking and they were there.
One tip though is that you need to get yourself out there (not online) and hang out where you like - if you like the reading go to the library. If you're a wild type probably hit the club. Or even try volunteer work. I'm always telling my friend to get out there - because finding a guy online is pretty hard. You're most likely to find people who gel with you very well and voila.
Invite me to the wedding aye
In fact i started teaching him Jiujitsu 2 years after we were together, I believe that at the time I met him, the poor dude was confused with his love life and he learned by somebody from the crowd at the party that I could help him see through. I kept myself very professional when speaking with him for the first few months even though in the back of my mind this dude was already jumping on my dick. But hey I didn't know that he had the same ideas in the back of his head.
And the other point is that dude like him are often just available in catalog form where you fantasize about fucking a model... well I have my model and he has his personal jiujitsu ko teacher. :cheers:
