Does Monogamy Really Work in Gay Relationships?

[platinumblk2]

This is a question I have wanted to ask for sometime. Most of my friends in long term relationships, seem to have an open relationship but for me, the idea of coming home to your loved one knowing that he has been sleeping with someone else, fills me with horror!...Even those that play together, are you not jealous when you see your boyfriend hugging, kissing and getting into it with someone else? My friends tell me its just sex so its no big deal. But it feels like a big deal to me!

Am I just living in the past, where monogamy is some outdated module? Can you ever really trust someone to know they are not creeping behind your back? Is an open relationship the only true way to go in gay relationships?

How do you guys feel?

 

[cdninweho]

I have been with the same guy for over 8 years; the issue of an open relationship has never crossed our mind. Monogamy works for us.

To me the best part of the day is coming home and being with him; if I came home and knew he was with someone else, it wouldn't work as that is not part of my make-up.

And yes, you can completely trust someone, I do and he does. If you can't trust, then you don't have the foundation of a solid relationship, in my opinion.

 

[Shelter]

CDNINWEHO I'll agree with your opinion totally.
I find alone the word "open relationship" is a horror. How anyone can live with such a burden together with another guy?! Not me. And as well as you have said I'm living now nearly 11 years together with my boyfriend. I trust him and reverse. Both of us we will give our love to the other and we don't feel "old-fashioned" although some of our friends are laughing about us and call us so. But I think the only reason they will do that is: they will be envious! Both of us we are happy in our togetherness. But I don't know, perhaps we are as well an isolated case??!!

 

[jw4833]

I have been in relationships were monogamy took place during the years we were together and those that I know for certain was with my late partner and the five year relationship I had with the president of the company that I worked for. I know for certain with the last two relationships that monogamy still does exist. I believe that if you are in love with someone that being monogamous is not a difficult thing to do. I know for myself if I'm in love with you and my heart beats so fast whenever I am around you...then the thought of being intimate with another guy never crosses my mind. I have been in situations where I'm in a relationship and its like all the guys in the city approaches you like bees to honey and I honestly have no problem letting them know that I am involved and I love him and from the look in my eyes...they politely back off. So..yes..I still believe in such a thing as monogamy and I still believe that it is still in existence.

 

[Shelter]

I have been in relationships were monogamy took place during the years we were together and those that I know for certain was with my late partner and the five year relationship I had with the president of the company that I worked for. I know for certain with the last two relationships that monogamy still does exist. I believe that if you are in love with someone that being monogamous is not a difficult thing to do. I know for myself if I'm in love with you and my heart beats so fast whenever I am around you...then the thought of being intimate with another guy never crosses my mind. I have been in situations where I'm in a relationship and its like all the guys in the city approaches you like bees to honey and I honestly have no problem letting them know that I am involved and I love him and from the look in my eyes...they politely back off. So..yes..I still believe in such a thing as monogamy and I still believe that it is still in existence.

:agree::agree::agree::agree::agree:
It's my opinion as well! And your words show too that you really are an honest and and tender person. I love you for this words! :thumbs up:

 

[gb2000ie]

Different strokes for different folks as the old saying goes.

I know lots of monogamous couples, and am indeed half of one. It works for us.

Likewise, I see open relationships working for others. I guess each couple has to do what works for them.

B.

 

[gb2000ie]

And yes, you can completely trust someone, I do and he does. If you can't trust, then you don't have the foundation of a solid relationship, in my opinion.

Trust and monogamy are not related. You can have a trusting monogamous relationship, and you can have a trusting open relationship. What you can't have is a trusting relationship with a cheater. That's what really matters above all else, honesty.

Honest and monogamous, good. Honest and open, good. Anything else, bad!

B.

 

[Otage]

I know for sure when I'm in love, but I never have no clue if the other guy is in love with me too or not, or just pretending or just wanting be all cute. I could trust my own feelings, but past has shown it has been a mistake. People who tell you the most wonderfull things, are also the most best liars who have their act. I mean how do you know if someone truly loves you?

It's so much easier to just play a long, let it last as long as it lasts, but never believe anything that has been said. I don't lie, but I just don't care if he does or not. It doesn't really matter. It's so easy to lie, especially when someone really wants to believe those lies.

But the guy I'm seeing now, hasn't tried to have sex with me, even though we have been on real dates. He seems really interested about me personally and stuff. Good tactic, but very slow attack And hi's in my opinnion 5/5. Like too good to be true. Too good to be true:thinking:

 

[Shelter]

I know for sure when I'm in love, but I never have no clue if the other guy is in love with me too or not, or just pretending or just wanting be all cute. I could trust my own feelings, but past has shown it has been a mistake. People who tell you the most wonderfull things, are also the most best liars who have their act. I mean how do you know if someone truly loves you?

It's so much easier to just play a long, let it last as long as it lasts, but never believe anything that has been said. I don't lie, but I just don't care if he does or not. It doesn't really matter. It's so easy to lie, especially when someone really wants to believe those lies.

But the guy I'm seeing now, hasn't tried to have sex with me, even though we have been on real dates. He seems really interested about me personally and stuff. Good tactic, but very slow attack And hi's in my opinnion 5/5. Like too good to be true. Too good to be true:thinking:

Otage why you can't trust? Why you are looking on this theme only with suspicion?

 

[Otage]

Otage why you can't trust? Why you are looking on this theme only with suspicion?

One can believe and have fate in many things, and all have their own reasons for them. And when dear belief is shot down, it's devastating. Ofc heartbreak is terrible, I've been threw it, but then I started to question that why I even have to belief in love? Why would I let that illusion overwelm me, when it's easier to go without? And in my opinnion, I think monogamy requires love that one could trust it could last. If it would be just financial alliance or some other benefit based union, there would always be chance that other one sees greener grass on the other side of the fence and it's really risky to build on mystery ground. I keep it simple, fun, fresh.

And I don't try to insult anyone or anybodys relationship, but for the sake of conversation I think I'll contribute a differing opinnion, mine

 

[Shelter]

One can believe and have fate in many things, and all have their own reasons for them. And when dear belief is shot down, it's devastating. Ofc heartbreak is terrible, I've been threw it, but then I started to question that why I even have to belief in love? Why would I let that illusion overwelm me, when it's easier to go without? And in my opinnion, I think monogamy requires love that one could trust it could last. If it would be just financial alliance or some other benefit based union, there would always be chance that other one sees greener grass on the other side of the fence and it's really risky to build on mystery ground. I keep it simple, fun, fresh.

And I don't try to insult anyone or anybodys relationship, but for the sake of conversation I think I'll contribute a differing opinnion, mine

OK you have made your standpoint very clear - and I will accept it. But nonetheless it makes me very sad that ONE disloyal asshole will be in a position to destroy in a man so many emotions! Sorry for you - but I hope so much that you too will find your luck - honestly! p:big hug:

 

[gb2000ie]

I know for sure when I'm in love, but I never have no clue if the other guy is in love with me too or not, or just pretending or just wanting be all cute. I could trust my own feelings, but past has shown it has been a mistake. People who tell you the most wonderfull things, are also the most best liars who have their act. I mean how do you know if someone truly loves you?

Trust is earned slowly over time, not by what people say, but what people DO.

There is no short cut. You don't get to be 5 years into a relationship without spending five years working on getting to being 5 years in a relationship!

It's so much easier to just play a long, let it last as long as it lasts, but never believe anything that has been said. I don't lie, but I just don't care if he does or not. It doesn't really matter. It's so easy to lie, especially when someone really wants to believe those lies.

Yikes - talk about cynical

But the guy I'm seeing now, hasn't tried to have sex with me, even though we have been on real dates. He seems really interested about me personally and stuff. Good tactic, but very slow attack And hi's in my opinnion 5/5. Like too good to be true. Too good to be true:thinking:

Maybe he's interested in building a REAL relationship, instead of just getting his end away?

B.

 

[Otage]

Maybe he's interested in building a REAL relationship, instead of just getting his end away?

Well I got my way last night and this morning. And we are going out tomorrow. We can cuddle, have fun, fuck, talk etc. and it works well. I have nothing to lose I don't believe that is cynical. More like reasonable and realistic approach. And in a way optimistic too, cause I don't see it as pessimistic goal to walk away with head up when it ends. The love is no high price for me, at least not now. Of course something can change my mind, and I realize that I'm lowering the bossibility of that to happen. But it just feels like running towards mirage when there's a coke machine right next to you

 

[jaykaytooooo]

Monogamy is for some people, and not for others.

I will say that when i have seen those in "open" relationships, their relationship doesnt last.

I have been with same person for years and we are monogomous.

 

[Shelter]

Can't remember where I read these words but I saved them on my hard drive and I felt the need to share...

No matter who it is, there is always a chance of being hurt, even if you eliminate the fear!
When I had to choose I choose heartbreak over the fear of heartbreak

:agree::agree::agree::agree::agree:
Great words - words worth to remember.

 

[platinumblk2]

I can totally understand why Otage feels the way he does!... its not cynicism, it's a reality for a lot of us out there! If it were only the once, you could put it down to bad luck, brush it off and try again but it happens way too often for most of us. Each time it happens, it chips away at your ability to trust, love and to believe in the possibility of having a loving relationship with another guy.

However, that said, I still believe in love. For me, you cannot try to avoid love simply because of the fear of having your heart broken (again). You just have to try and find ways to deal with it, if/when that happens. Painful as that might be, its part of life and living life!

As the saying goes, "Its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"

 

[Shelter]

I can totally understand why Otage feels the way he does!... its not cynicism, it's a reality for a lot of us out there! If it were only the once, you could put it down to bad luck, brush it off and try again but it happens way too often for most of us. Each time it happens, it chips away at your ability to trust, love and to believe in the possibility of having a loving relationship with another guy.

However, that said, I still believe in love. For me, you cannot try to avoid love simply because of the fear of having your heart broken (again). You just have to try and find ways to deal with it, if/when that happens. Painful as that might be, its part of life and living life!

As the saying goes, "Its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"

Platinumblk2 your post sounds as if you have been disappointed often (too often?). Nevertheless I know that it will be true what you have written and that will be again something what makes me really sad. Why so many of us are so insensible to a real love????
I have as well a very good friend who thought he has found his life love - but was heartbroken after now six months. And what said his bad ass Ex to him "I need another ass".
So I'm together with my BF one of the very, very few who live in a true loving relationship?

 

[noiraud]

Let's be clear: monogamy has nothing to do with sexual orientation. The divorce rate in the U.S. is over 50%. Do you think that's because of philosophical differences or someone fooling around? I believe that a monogamous desire is like class: you either got it or you ain't. Sure, in both cases people can get away with the pretense of it for a while. Eventually, though, someone catches on and the jig is up. While I concede that monogamy is not vital to a relationship, I think it is vital to a committed relationship.

As far as "trusting" someone enough to even get involved with them is concerned, there's an old saying something along the lines of: Love is like a game. If you don't play, you will never lose. But you can never win, either.

Just my two cents' worth on the subject...

 

[Otage]

Let's be clear: monogamy has nothing to do with sexual orientation. The divorce rate in the U.S. is over 50%. Do you think that's because of philosophical differences or someone fooling around? I believe that a monogamous desire is like class: you either got it or you ain't. Sure, in both cases people can get away with the pretense of it for a while. Eventually, though, someone catches on and the jig is up. While I concede that monogamy is not vital to a relationship, I think it is vital to a committed relationship.

As far as "trusting" someone enough to even get involved with them is concerned, there's an old saying something along the lines of: Love is like a game. If you don't play, you will never lose. But you can never win, either.

Just my two cents' worth on the subject...

So many great opinnions on this thread:thumbs up: It just seems like it's one of those games where you win little bit, but never the jackpot. With this current I'm with now (it has lasted a week, brolly not much to many:rofl and I could allready start the "He's so amazing and I like him a lot, and I could brolly love him" mode, but I've learned it's way too soon for that. We both now have busy week and don't really have time to see before weekend (if it lasts there), so it's the test of time.

Just don't know how much affection I dare to share trough messages. I mean I don't wanna lie, but I know I have to show interest, but I don't wanna be all too clingy. Damn, I'm all ready feeling it, I can't think straight...:rolling eyes: Yes I like him, but I'm not sure does he like me, or he just likes sex and hangin out and not being alone. And somenthing inside tells me it's not gonna last till weekend. I know it sounds negative.

"we accept the love we think we deserve"

 

[Shelter]

So many great opinnions on this thread:thumbs up: It just seems like it's one of those games where you win little bit, but never the jackpot. With this current I'm with now (it has lasted a week, brolly not much to many:rofl and I could allready start the "He's so amazing and I like him a lot, and I could brolly love him" mode, but I've learned it's way too soon for that. We both now have busy week and don't really have time to see before weekend (if it lasts there), so it's the test of time.

Just don't know how much affection I dare to share trough messages. I mean I don't wanna lie, but I know I have to show interest, but I don't wanna be all too clingy. Damn, I'm all ready feeling it, I can't think straight...:rolling eyes: Yes I like him, but I'm not sure does he like me, or he just likes sex and hangin out and not being alone. And somenthing inside tells me it's not gonna last till weekend. I know it sounds negative.

"we accept the love we think we deserve"

Try it Otage! Try to fight for your love - it will be worth for! I'll press my thumbs for you and your luck! Deep from my heart! :heart::heart::heart: