Harassment

[kevotinh]

I have a question about lawsuit harassment to ask. I don't know if anyone have any idea about this.

about a few years ago when I was 17.5, there was a guy at my church talk sexually dirty to me to get me suck his dick. Which I did. But I found out that he uses the church community as a hook up line. So I went to the priest to report on him. He was kick out of that group, but somehow he still at church in a different group. Which I think is kind of rediculious.

So I was wonder since i'm not underage anymore, and it happened a while ago. I am not sure if its all his fault, but it was wrong. Can I still sue him if I want to?

 

[brmstn69]

That's hard to answer without more information, like where are you. If in the USA it may depend on which state your in.

You may still be able to press criminal charges against him. But if it's monetary damages you seek, then you will have to prove physical harm or mental distress. There is also the option of action against the church. If you reported a sexual predator to church authorities, and they did not take any action against him, they may be liable as well...

Mind you, I am not an attorney, and this information is based solely on news reports about other sex abuse lawsuits...

 

[kevotinh]

That sound a little complicated. I don't know what damage did I get from it. I don't want anything from it anyways. I was just see if there is a way to make him stay away from me and places I go to. It just bother to me see him around. I don't want to leave just because of him either.

Also I live in USA california. Is there a place I can check the law in California?

 

[brmstn69]

In that case you may be able to file a restraining order against him. Your best bet would be to contact the legal aid society. You can look it up on the internet or get information from the courthouse.

 

[kevotinh]

ok, thanks, i'll look into it and see.

 

[LuiM]

Brmstn69 from reading what kevotinh wrote I'd say it's premature to make a conclusion this case is ready for criminal charges. First we don't even know how old was that other guy. If he was 19, 20, that changes a lot.

First I'd like to ask kevotinh why did you suck his dick? Because - from what you wrote - it sounds like you both liked it. And from what you wrote after that, it sounds to me he must be just some annoying guy - possibly somewher around your age, and you would just like to get rid of him, not having him around. Is that so?

I know the age of consent in California is 18 (in my country 15) - and I don't know how such cases in California's court would be treated - but at us the basic question would be: was your act consensual? Or were you forced to do it?

But in California I guess you would be treated as a not-able-for-sex-minor until 18. Although as I said - I don't know if there's any special legal practice for such cases in your country. I assume it is - because it's hard to believe no teenager would have sex in California before the age of 18. And for the court also the age of the other guy would be important.

I mean imagine 19 yo guy having (consensual) sex with a 17 yo girl at the party. Should he go to jail for that??

But as Brmstn69 said - it's very hard to judge on so little information.

 

[kevotinh]

Well, I"m not sure how old he was, but he probably about 21 or 22. when i suck his dick it was the most uncomfortable thing to do. He talks every sexually to me before and he was talking to me into doing it.

You are right, i'm just trying to get rid of him. Seeing him remind me of what a stupid bitch I am. How stupid I was. I also doesn't like how he uses the church to meet guys just for some sexually fun, I just don't want anyone have to go through what I go through. I quess I just have to live with the fact that I can't do anything about it.

 

[LuiM]

Do you believe you were abused? Well there certainly are ways you could achieve something by deciding to sue him. If this is what you think would make you feel better. But I don't believe it would. The law is on your side. That's for sure. Since this is not a classical case of so called child abuse (you were around the same age, 2-3 years difference, seems the act could be understood as partially consensual) - but still at the end I believe you would win in the court. He would get a year or two on parole maybe and you would get the satisfaction you are not a bitch - if I borrow your words.

I don't believe this is the solution you're really searching for. Having in mind all the agony going again through all the memories again in front of lawyers. And if he gets a bitchy lawyer he could even prove you wrong. You should think of that option too. I don't know I speak hypothetically. I just want to be with you on all this. Do you believe this is really what you need today. Depends on you.

I'd say you need inner peace and a confirmation you're a good human. Well I'm telling you you are! I believe you're a great boy. You have to move forward in life.

Ok this is just me trying to feel with you and about your options. But the final decision is in your hands.

 

[BugsyB]

you are not a "stupid bitch" kevotinh...you fell for someone at a time in your life..thats all..we all have at times now pick yourself up and LIVE your new life lol

 

[kevotinh]

Well, if you know that this happens like alot of times already. do you believes that he will stop what he was doing.

He doesn't shows any shamefull or sorry in him. He acts like it was just life. I just hope that he doesn't do it again. but everytime when he sees a young cut boy, like 16 or even younger, his eyes are open wide. stearing at that direction.

I just feel sorry for that kid. Let says that kid was smarter than me. but have him talk sexually to to that kid, that just still wrong.

I don't need him to have to jail or anything. I"m not that evil yet. It just bother me to sees him around my friends and people that are my brothers and sisters. (kids from my church)

 

[brmstn69]

Well, if you know that this happens like alot of times already. do you believes that he will stop what he was doing.

He doesn't shows any shamefull or sorry in him. He acts like it was just life. I just hope that he doesn't do it again. but everytime when he sees a young cut boy, like 16 or even younger, his eyes are open wide. stearing at that direction.

I just feel sorry for that kid. Let says that kid was smarter than me. but have him talk sexually to to that kid, that just still wrong.

I don't need him to have to jail or anything. I"m not that evil yet. It just bother me to sees him around my friends and people that are my brothers and sisters. (kids from my church)

Not that I would ever suggest such a thing, but if a few of those boys parents were to find out that there's a chicken-hawk hunting amongst the flock...:devil:

But then again, I'm a sociopath and not always the best person to take advise from on moral issues...

 

[BugsyB]

Well, if you know that this happens like alot of times already. do you believes that he will stop what he was doing.

He doesn't shows any shamefull or sorry in him. He acts like it was just life. I just hope that he doesn't do it again. but everytime when he sees a young cut boy, like 16 or even younger, his eyes are open wide. stearing at that direction.

I just feel sorry for that kid. Let says that kid was smarter than me. but have him talk sexually to to that kid, that just still wrong.

I don't need him to have to jail or anything. I"m not that evil yet. It just bother me to sees him around my friends and people that are my brothers and sisters. (kids from my church)

what do you want to do babe? its playing on your mind, so what is it you want to do? no one here can tell you what to do. its a question of "what you think is best" as we get older we must make decisions for not just us but for the good of others too its not easy but do whats best for them...lol

 

[kevotinh]

this is so hard, I just want to drop it and not doing anything. I am planning to stop being active at church and just go to sunday mass and home. Nothing else.

I want to do something about it, but i don't want the world to knows.
I want to blackmail him, but then i found out that is ilegal.
I want to go to the priest again, but i don't know what he' going to do (since there is a new one now)
I want to keep my eyes on him, but I can't stand seeing him around.
I want to do nothing, but it is not easy to sleep, eat, live.

 

[brmstn69]

this is so hard, I just want to drop it and not doing anything. I am planning to stop being active at church and just go to sunday mass and home. Nothing else.

I want to do something about it, but i don't want the world to knows.
I want to blackmail him, but then i found out that is ilegal.
I want to go to the priest again, but i don't know what he' going to do (since there is a new one now)
I want to keep my eyes on him, but I can't stand seeing him around.
I want to do nothing, but it is not easy to sleep, eat, live.

"Blackmail" is only illegal if you gain something from it like money or property. You could just threaten to expose him if he doesn't leave the church never to return...

Or like I said before, you could go to the parents of some of those other boys he's been preying on. If the priest won't listen to you, he may listen to a mob of angry parents. Remember that in today's climate, the church is scared shitless of any sort of sex scandal...

 

[lhardwick69]

ok lets say you were 17 to 17.5 years old--you are old enough to decide what you want--it he is 21 to 23 yrs old in alot of states you sucking his cock would barely be statitory rape and that is if he made you do it--then if you took him to court for this you would need to prove--1)his dick was first one you sucked ever--becauseif you never had these feelings towards a guy then you would need to prove it ---2)sueing him isnt the answer--sure he may have done this to you but you were old enough to decide to say hell no and walk off-- so i am sure in some way in your mind you wanted it but now you may regret it--if we all sued people after doing something we regreted just to make ourselves feel better there would be m ore court cases out there--




now if he is part of your life now and it bothers you i am sure you are an adult now--go up to him tell him what he did to you bothers you and all and maybe at best get him to apologize--its funny you mention that it is church you are talking about where the gods tells you to forgive and forget--surely this bothers you but its not like you were 10 yrs old being forced to suck his cock in the name of god----i had alot of stuff done to me when i was 10 and 11 buteven though they were older than me i was curious which is what got me into the situation i was in--but rest assured its not your fault it happened just like my incidents werent my fault either--but i grew up--learned how to deal with it--and moved on--yes he is part of my life still--in fact my mom painted a house for him two weeks ago--he is married with two stepkids and not sure if he is messing with them like he did me--but life goes on and what doesnt kill us makes us stronger---



as for suing him what will you gain out of it--more than likely he wont have the money to pay you--he will probably go to jail if it is deemed he did do wrong---andyou need to think that if it bothers you now what will you feel like when everyone in the world knows and looks at you and him and your family in ways never imagine---i just saying look at both sides of the coin and see the pros and cons of it all--if it were me i would confront him if it was bothering me--and move on-- and trust me this guy did more than got me to suck his dick

 

[kevotinh]

Ihardwick69, I don't know what happen to you and it is good that you were able to move on. But not ever kids are like you. Even they grown up fine, but they are damage in a way.

We learn from our mistake and fix it. Not let it hapen again. I don't know what world we are living in. But if the president says, releases criminals because we need to learn how to deal with it and move on. Then most of the criminals will just be criminals. they hurt you once, they hurt you again.

I like kids, I don't want them to have to go through what I have to go through. I want to stop all those child harassment people. Even if those kids are not mine, but they are like mine. You can't see someone hurt, whne you know you could have done something to stop it.

You says that you are curious when you done something with him. But what make you curious. He talks to you what make you curious. What give you the feelings.

Before I done something with him, which not alot, but he was talking to me very sexually, about dick and sex. which set me in the mood.

 

[kevotinh]

"Blackmail" is only illegal if you gain something from it like money or property. You could just threaten to expose him if he doesn't leave the church never to return...

Or like I said before, you could go to the parents of some of those other boys he's been preying on. If the priest won't listen to you, he may listen to a mob of angry parents. Remember that in today's climate, the church is scared shitless of any sort of sex scandal...

Are you sure that blackmail is not illegal if I just ask him to stay away from the Church.

This is my plan I thought of before I read your post.

I'll go to the priest, (like when you go for confession, which the priest are not allow to point you out or turn you in). Tell him what happen and how it have damage me. Since he will not want this kind of case in his hand, he'll maybe do something about it. Now I read your post, maybe I meet him up and written a constract and force him to sign it.

 

[brmstn69]

Blackmail is the crime of threatening to reveal substantially true information about a person to the public, a family member, or associates unless a demand made upon the victim is met. This information is usually of an embarrassing, socially damaging, and/or incriminating nature. As the information is substantially true, the act of revealing the information may not be criminal in its own right nor amount to a civil law defamation; the crime is making demands in exchange for withholding it.

The Law

Section 100A of the Crimes Act states:

1. Whosoever with intent to cause gain for himself or herself or any other person, or with intent to procure for himself or herself or any other person any appointment or office, or with intent to cause loss to any person:
(a) makes any unwarranted demand, and
(b) supports that demand by making:
(i) any unwarranted threat to publish,
(ii) any unwarranted proposal to abstain from publishing, or
(iii) any unwarranted offer to prevent the publication of,
any matter or thing concerning any person (whether living or dead), shall be liable to imprisonment for ten years.
2. For the purposes of this section:
(a) "publish"means communicate to any person,
(b) a demand is unwarranted unless the person making it does so in the belief that he or she has reasonable grounds for making it,
(c) a threat, proposal or offer in support of a demand is unwarranted unless the person making it does so in the belief that it is a proper means of supporting the demand,
(d) "gain"means gain in money or other property, whether temporary or permanent, and includes a gain by keeping what one has, as well as a gain by getting what one has not, and
(e) "loss"means loss in money or other property, whether temporary or permanent, and includes a loss by not getting what one might get, as well as a loss by parting with what one has.

In order for the Police to prove their case at Court, they must prove each of the following matters beyond a reasonable doubt.

1. The accused made an unwarranted demand.
2. It was made with intent to cause gain for himself or herself or any other person, or with intent to procure for himself or herself or any other person any appointment or office, or with intent to cause loss to any person.
3. The demand was supported by making any unwarranted threat to publish, or any unwarranted proposal to abstain from publishing, or any unwarranted offer to prevent the publication of, any matter or thing concerning any person (whether living or dead).


So lets review...

In order for the Police to prove their case at Court, they must prove each of the following matters beyond a reasonable doubt.

1. The accused made an unwarranted demand.
You being the victim, it is not unwarranted that you want no contact with him...
2. It was made with intent to cause gain for himself or herself or any other person, or with intent to procure for himself or herself or any other person any appointment or office, or with intent to cause loss to any person.
There is no money or property involved, nor any appointment or office. The only loss to him would be his hunting grounds...
3. The demand was supported by making any unwarranted threat to publish, or any unwarranted proposal to abstain from publishing, or any unwarranted offer to prevent the publication of, any matter or thing concerning any person (whether living or dead).
Again, the threat is warranted, he has committed a crime against you, and may do so against others...

So it's not really blackmail, and not a crime...

also pay attention to this part...

(b) a demand is unwarranted unless the person making it does so in the belief that he or she has reasonable grounds for making it,

Again, even if you were almost 18, he still committed a crime. Since you were the victim you have reasonable grounds for demanding he leave. Also if you suspect that he is also committing the same crime against others it is not an unreasonable demand. In fact, if you know or suspect that he is committing a crime, you may be legally obligated to report him...


And to those who have said "get over it, you were almost legal and old enough to know what you were doing" I'd like to point out that it appears his distress is due to his suspicion that this man is targeting other boys, some only 14 or 15, more so than because of what was done to him...:no:

 

[kevotinh]

Thanks everyone for your input,
Now I have a clearer vision and understand more about blackmailing.
ONly If I know this forums long ago, I could have done something a long time ago.

 

[lhardwick69]

blackmail is just as big a crime as what he did to you--so two wrongs dont make a right--if this is bothering you that bad-- like i said--go to him tell him and tell him you wish he never come to your church again if he doesnt agree to it then only thing you can do is go to another church--like i said there isnt much that can happen accept you go to the law tell them he goes to court gets either a slap on the wrist-- or even a yr or two in jail--which will only make you feel worse about yourself-- and you werent a kid when this happened you were a young man/adult and in the eyes of the law you are an adult these days at that age--i feel for you--if this is bothering you that bad--get some therapy--but if you were sucking dick of others before you sucked him then the eyes of the court will just say you wanted it to happen--


it happens in courts every day its sad but its true--so get over it get some therapy and dont let this bother you so much--if he knows it is bothering it might be more enjoyable to him to know it is bothering you--its funny how you are letting 6 months or less bother you and trying to use it as a way to say you were a minor and what he did to you was wrong--what other things you do under 18 thats wrong--smoke drink do drugs--hmmm guess never worry about the things you do and did while under 18 that was wrong but did it anyway-- trust me--6 months or less wont look bad to the courtsystem--

like i said in my first post i can go out pissed at the world for my past but i chose not to--life is short--what may seem like a long life we live is just a blink of an eye and i chose not to let the past ruin my life