Help: Guy trouble

[Sk8erBoiZach]

Hey, everyone some of you might remember me and this guy that met on the first day of the semester. Thanks for all the advice and we’ve hung out a bit since. During dinner one night I asked him about how many serious relationships he’s been in, and when it was my turn to answer I did tell him out of the three major relationships I’ve had one was a guy. He responded by saying I had thoughts (about guys) when I was younger, not so much anymore. So I was talking to one of my close girl friends about him a few times and she decided to foot her foot in it and text him to tell him that I might like him more than a friend. So this past Wednesday I texted him and said I know about the little talk from the peanut gallery, and I’m mortified that he had to find out this way. I asked does he want to talk about this sometime, and he said yeah we can definitely talk I just don’t know how soon. I said I’ve been having a great time getting to know you and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like you. And…he says I like hanging out with you too. So it’s been a few days haven’t heard from him, I don’t want to seem too desperate, but its like ive already put my foot in my mouth I just want to get a answer.


When he was talking to my friend he didn’t deny having feelings or anything and I don’t get why he wouldn’t just say he’s not into the idea if he’s not you know? Because he’s not denying it makes me think it’s difficult for him to admit, because I don’t think a straight guy would have had dinner with me at a fancy restaurant for 2 and half hours, and let me pay the bill. Plus I insisted that we order one of every desert and share and he seemed to have a great time. I don’t think a straight guy would put himself in a situation like that in the first place right? Or he would just insist on going to a more low key place…


So please give me a sense of what I should do next, I want to approach him so bad, but I feel like I’ve done so much and I don’t want to seem obsessive. When I’m not studying he’s all I think about, at work, gym, class…. obviously I liked him on the first day for the obvious reasons but getting to know him he’s just so genuine and considering most of the guys I’ve been with were just a “hit it and quit it” situation, I really see my self being with him for more than one night… Thanks

 

[Sinnerr]

I remember this thread.And I understand you. It seems He has not his inner comming out done yet. You have 3 possibilities:
1. Being patient, being his friend and waiting for his inner progress.
2. "All in" in poker terminology - show your cards. Totally openly say him what you've wrote here. Explain him your feelings. Say it like offer which you're putting on imaginar table in front of him and which he can take now, tomorrow, next week, ... , or never (How long you would be able and willing to wait for his answer is only up to you Zach). Decision is just up to him. And if He won't say yes, You won't contact him any more.
3. You'll surreder - I don't recommend.

At the end don't forget in this word are many pretty guys. Good luck.

 

[josh_the_hot_boy]

He wouldn't have spent 2 1/2 hours at a resturant with you if there wasn't something there. Even if a little something.

 

[ezekiel]

I think you shoul be patient but stay close to him. It seems he is not out yet so it can be dangerous to "push him" too much, but don't stay inactive, just try to hang out with him, as a friend, try to give him clues about your feelings, try to be more and more closer, gradually.
And if he is gay and really interested by you, i think soon you will find the right moment to kiss him.
Anyway, that's just my opinion, that's the way i would act.

 

[Sk8erBoiZach]

I remember this thread.And I understand you. It seems He has not his inner comming out done yet. You have 3 possibilities:
1. Being patient, being his friend and waiting for his inner progress.
2. "All in" in poker terminology - show your cards. Totally openly say him what you've wrote here. Explain him your feelings. Say it like offer which you're putting on imaginar table in front of him and which he can take now, tomorrow, next week, ... , or never (How long you would be able and willing to wait for his answer is only up to you Zach). Decision is just up to him. And if He won't say yes, You won't contact him any more.
3. You'll surreder - I don't recommend.

At the end don't forget in this word are many pretty guys. Good luck.

Sure many pretty guys but most guys that come to my uni are stuck up, self absorbant, selfish pricks (even i am sometimes) but he isn't like anyone, he's so damn nice in a odd way. How is the second option going to work? I mean i basically asked him out to a dinner at a place where people go on dates, we shared desert we walked back together. My friend basically told him i have a crush on him and i even confirmed it saying i do the day after, i mean he has to be smart enough to realize i wanna be more than friends right? and dont worry i will never give up, unless he tells me something as crazy as "I'm straight".

 

[Sk8erBoiZach]

He wouldn't have spent 2 1/2 hours at a resturant with you if there wasn't something there. Even if a little something.

Thats what i thought, i picked the place thinking if hes able to sit through dinner with me and not get uncomfortable with the environment (meaning being there with a guy) then he must be curious....

 

[Sk8erBoiZach]

I think you shoul be patient but stay close to him. It seems he is not out yet so it can be dangerous to "push him" too much, but don't stay inactive, just try to hang out with him, as a friend, try to give him clues about your feelings, try to be more and more closer, gradually.
And if he is gay and really interested by you, i think soon you will find the right moment to kiss him.
Anyway, that's just my opinion, that's the way i would act.

If hes uncomfortable i dont see why he wont just push me away or deny it, after all isn't that what most people do? The fact that he isn't denying his feelings, really makes me think hes gay. I mean if i told my lab partner of two years (who is straight) that i like him he would no doubt say I'm not gay dude. But this guy has heard it twice and he doesn't defend himself or do anything about it which bugs me. Plus i like myself enough to not get upset if someone turns me down, especially if it was never going to happen anyway. So i really just want to get it out of him. And i've tried the being close thing we've been friends for three months and too many alone times we've had, but nothing ever happened so i just want him to admit it.

 

[AleXXX UK]

Don't mean to be negative but have you thought about the fact too much attention might creep him out and drive him away? If he was openly gay, your pursuit would make sense but he could be straight, closeted or just not into you that way. Youre taking a big risk chasing a guy who on the surface seems to be presenting himself as straight. This might end in heart break.

My advice is get thought college and then you will have your whole life ahead of you to chase guys who you have a serious chance with.

 

[Sinnerr]

Sure many pretty guys but most guys that come to my uni are stuck up, self absorbant, selfish pricks (even i am sometimes) but he isn't like anyone, he's so damn nice in a odd way. How is the second option going to work? I mean i basically asked him out to a dinner at a place where people go on dates, we shared desert we walked back together. My friend basically told him i have a crush on him and i even confirmed it saying i do the day after, i mean he has to be smart enough to realize i wanna be more than friends right? and dont worry i will never give up, unless he tells me something as crazy as "I'm straight".

And doesn't He thinks that what your friend told him was only joke? or something... I'm surprised from his flegmatic reaction. He has to be very calm person. I don't know what I could advise you. Maybe continue with talking with him going to cafe and so on. And in conversation try to go to themes where ussualy "only friends" aren't going.

And another thing. Althought I have quite rich fantasy, I can't imagine that situation where you were talking about relationships.
You were talking this topic, you've told him you had 3 relationships and one of these persons you was dating was guy, right?
And He answered something like that He had some fantasies about something intimate with other guy too, but has it never more, right?
And what next?? Have you asked him for explanation ?? what does it mean ? how some can have crush to men and lost it?

This guy seems to me kinda strange from your telling, But you're strange as well if you've let it be...
How exactly this situation happend? How he reacted nonverbaly? Becamed he nervous in this moment?
You are pretty nervous when you're talking with him, aren't you?

 

[josh_the_hot_boy]

Don't mean to be negative but have you thought about the fact too much attention might creep him out and drive him away? If he was openly gay, your pursuit would make sense but he could be straight, closeted or just not into you that way. Youre taking a big risk chasing a guy who on the surface seems to be presenting himself as straight. This might end in heart break.

My advice is get thought college and then you will have your whole life ahead of you to chase guys who you have a serious chance with.

While I understand sometimes I think when something comes along you can't pass up the possibility because you never know "what might have been". Sometimes what your looking for doesn't always show up at the most convenient time but it doesn't mean you should pass up on the opportunity.

Just my opinion Alexxx.

 

[Sk8erBoiZach]

Don't mean to be negative but have you thought about the fact too much attention might creep him out and drive him away? If he was openly gay, your pursuit would make sense but he could be straight, closeted or just not into you that way. Youre taking a big risk chasing a guy who on the surface seems to be presenting himself as straight. This might end in heart break.

My advice is get thought college and then you will have your whole life ahead of you to chase guys who you have a serious chance with.

Hes taken ballet since 9, pays 50 bucks for a haircut (which would make sense if he was Stefano Tonchi's son but hes from North Dakota, im sure straight guys there aren't concerned about their hair), and asked me to study with him in his dorm when i insisted the library. Plus i dont see why he just doesn't tell me hes straight after i very clearly told him i like him....sorry i'm not trying to attack your opinion but it's just hard for me to believe hes 100% straight.

and nothing is more important than my academic carrer, i went to college at 16 and i've never been side tracked towards my goal, but it would be nice to have someone to wake up to.

 

[Sk8erBoiZach]

And doesn't He thinks that what your friend told him was only joke? or something... I'm surprised from his flegmatic reaction. He has to be very calm person. I don't know what I could advise you. Maybe continue with talking with him going to cafe and so on. And in conversation try to go to themes where ussualy "only friends" aren't going.

And another thing. Althought I have quite rich fantasy, I can't imagine that situation where you were talking about relationships.
You were talking this topic, you've told him you had 3 relationships and one of these persons you was dating was guy, right?
And He answered something like that He had some fantasies about something intimate with other guy too, but has it never more, right?
And what next?? Have you asked him for explanation ?? what does it mean ? how some can have crush to men and lost it?

This guy seems to me kinda strange from your telling, But you're strange as well if you've let it be...
How exactly this situation happend? How he reacted nonverbaly? Becamed he nervous in this moment?
You are pretty nervous when you're talking with him, aren't you?

well i asked about his major relationships and he elaborated on a girl named Erin, and how hes over it. And i started talking about Leyla which was the girl i lost my V-card to, then there was Nikola whom i'd been with for 6 months. He didn't react to it at all, he told me he use to have curiosity towards men but not felt that way for a while, and we kept talking until 9:00 and this is a Monday night, and he works at 7 in the morning. We were together till 9:40 ish he never insisted he should go or anything.

HOWEVER, i cant believe i left this out, but when we said goodbye at night he leaned in i didnt know what he was doing, a hug, a kiss? It was cold and i was freezing, so i didnt do anything i felt like such a square.

And we are very comfortable around each other, no nervousness at all...

 

[Sk8erBoiZach]

While I understand sometimes I think when something comes along you can't pass up the possibility because you never know "what might have been". Sometimes what your looking for doesn't always show up at the most convenient time but it doesn't mean you should pass up on the opportunity.

Just my opinion Alexxx.

I definitely dont wanna give up, i cant believe i didnt do anything when he leaned in when we were saying good bye that night. That was a big shock for me. When do you think i should text him? I was thinking thanksgiving, because hes not going home and we have the day off so he might be able to think clearly without any distractions. Plus what do i even say when i've said the most crucial thing ive been afraid to say and he just responds with i like hanging out with you too...

 

[Sinnerr]

So be warm as much as is possible. And say him "I'd like to have a sex with you!"
Maybe He hasn't problem with comming out, maybe he's just playing with you.

 

[Sk8erBoiZach]

So be warm as much as is possible. And say him "I'd like to have a sex with you!"
Maybe He hasn't problem with comming out, maybe he's just playing with you.

No hes not that kinda guy, i actually wanna pursue something further than a great fuck. how do i get him to talk to me about what has happened since Monday because now hes not speaking to me at all.

 

[Sinnerr]

No hes not that kinda guy, i actually wanna pursue something further than a great fuck. how do i get him to talk to me about what has happened since Monday because now hes not speaking to me at all.

it could be sign of comming out problem, btw it's quite importat part of this story, why you haven't told it earlier.
but holy hell, i feel deep in my bones you're two guys attraced to each other, but no one is able to do final step. if i'd be in your situation i'd contact him and meet him as soon as is possible and put cards on the table, and would want to see his cards as well. long woo can be impressive, but whole quartal could be too long already...
bottom line - it's time to be open. when you'll together again - put your cards on the table! and want his answer

 

[Sk8erBoiZach]

it could be sign of comming out problem, btw it's quite importat part of this story, why you haven't told it earlier.
but holy hell, i feel deep in my bones you're two guys attraced to each other, but no one is able to do final step. if i'd be in your situation i'd contact him and meet him as soon as is possible and put cards on the table, and would want to see his cards as well. long woo can be impressive, but whole quartal could be too long already...
bottom line - it's time to be open. when you'll together again - put your cards on the table! and want his answer

so no text just say everything i have to say in person? i mean where do i even begin, i ve told him i like him and hes been vague, i dont have anymore cards to play.....

 

[Sinnerr]

excuse me, here in central Europe is 7:30 am and didn't sleep this night

well, it seems you've done all what you could and now it's up him, try to force him to meet and want his answer... or look at his cards in poker terminology

 

[RefixnarcisM]

Oh my God! You two are soo adorable! You can make a teen story with this.
Anyway. This relationship, it wont move if both of you stuck in the place. You afraid to make another move cause he nights reject you, on the other hand, he (Oh I really wanna smack his head) afraid of something, maybe to accept that he is after all gay. But that is not a reason to left you like this right? So I suggest you should go and meet him. Tell him like:
Okay, I know that our situation lately is getting kinda awkward. I dont know if you feel it too. But the most important thing I wanna say is, I really love you! There I said it loud! But I dont want this feeling that I had goes into a deaf ear. I have a heart. I can feel love and hurt too. When I first met you, I dont know this tingling feeling inside of me. But after we meet each other for a few weeks, I realize that you, call his full name, you are meant for me. You are the one and I want the rest of my life is to be with you. I know it sound cheesy but

 

[Sk8erBoiZach]

Oh my God! You two are soo adorable! You can make a teen story with this.
Anyway. This relationship, it wont move if both of you stuck in the place. You afraid to make another move cause he nights reject you, on the other hand, he (Oh I really wanna smack his head) afraid of something, maybe to accept that he is after all gay. But that is not a reason to left you like this right? So I suggest you should go and meet him. Tell him like:
Okay, I know that our situation lately is getting kinda awkward. I dont know if you feel it too. But the most important thing I wanna say is, I really love you! There I said it loud! But I dont want this feeling that I had goes into a deaf ear. I have a heart. I can feel love and hurt too. When I first met you, I dont know this tingling feeling inside of me. But after we meet each other for a few weeks, I realize that you, call his full name, you are meant for me. You are the one and I want the rest of my life is to be with you. I know it sound cheesy but

alright so none of my feelings should be through texts from this point on you mean? i do think i should meet him, it might freak him out if i drop the L word, but i really do like him and i think its important he hears it in person. I just want to make sure, if he didn't feel anything he would let me know right away that hes not gay or straight or whatever to end it right?