Help me im gay and afraid :(

[imadorky]

yes i am gay and i am ISLAM if i tell my mom that i am a gay theyre going to kill me
i really scare about that, and i think my mom knows that i am gay and she just cant believe that im gay coz i dont look so gay, anyone please help me
im afraid to tell my friends too im so complicated right now, because i cant hold my feeling anymore, i want a boyfriends so bad , im 22 yo and never kissing or sex im so sad

somebody please give me advice

 

[brmstn69]

Your not the first Muslim to come here asking advise to deal with your situation. You give very little to go by in way of details though. Like where are you living? Is it an Islam nation, or someplace a little more moderate? Do you live with your parents? Are you in school?

The best advise I can give is that if you are in fear for your life, then leave. If at all possible go to University in a gay friendly country and stay there...

 

[andy03]

life is all about choices.. me im gay but nver said that to anyone coz in the future i wnted to have my own family s0 for u,, u need to take risks for u to get through coz if n0t u'll nver be free or will nevr feel what true happiness really is..

 

[wildchild]

Hey mate,

First thing - do not tell your parents or anyone who is Muslim that you are gay, YET.

brmstn69 is right, you need to give me us information.

However, can I just say generally - just because you are not living in a country under Sharia law does not make you immune or free from punishment/persecution/prosecution. There are Muslims in Australia who take the law into their own hands and deal with situations themselves. This is why I don't think you should tell anyone else who is Muslim YET because you don't know how they will react. And there have been fathers/mothers who punish their own children who break Sharia law, so I think it's better to be safe than sorry.

Apart from that advice, I'm really not sure where you can go from there because you haven't really given us enough information.

 

[Harrerst]

Firstly strengthen your mind, in order to get balance in your life (in the relationships) you have to be stillness and stable within yourself, do not let yourself get into conflictf. All the rest comes later
You don't have to tell your parents you are gay, but you have to be smart and confident, and live your life at the best way
I know it's complicated while you live in your parents house, but I'm sure you can handle it, when you get more independent you won't owe satisfaction to anyone

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

life is all about choices.. me im gay but nver said that to anyone coz in the future i wnted to have my own family s0 for u,, u need to take risks for u to get through coz if n0t u'll nver be free or will nevr feel what true happiness really is..

If the dude is in a Islamic country that lives according to the law of Islam he better leaves that country right now, it's not a matter of risk, he will be stoned to death without judgment, he just need to have someone catching him kissing a dude (we talk about real kiss) and they will chase him down. Not recommended to be brave... I have seen it in Algeria, wasn't pretty. So dude as our fellow said it here... you want to be gay and live as a gay dude... MOVE! Your mom may know you're gay and it doesn't have to be your look, you may have nonverbal signs that sells you away, she won't do anything until she or somebody else catches you. You know how it works. I have a friend of mine coming from Iran, he never said he was gay but he was caught and if you move his hair you can see the trace of the bullet that almost killed him. He had contact to be moved away from the country and I helped him immigrate in Canada. He never went back to Iran and avoid the Iranian community here in Canada. He has been with the same boyfriend for 8 years. So dude MOVE away.

 

[slimjim]

Although Indonesia has a reputation for being a relatively moderate Muslim country I guess it depends on exactly where you live. You may be able to do things in Bali that you wouldn't consider in Aceh province, which I believe has sharia, and as in most countries larger cosmopolital cities tend to be less of a problem than small provincial towns.

 

[jw4833]

If the dude is in a Islamic country that lives according to the law of Islam he better leaves that country right now, it's not a matter of risk, he will be stoned to death without judgment, he just need to have someone catching him kissing a dude (we talk about real kiss) and they will chase him down. Not recommended to be brave... I have seen it in Algeria, wasn't pretty. So dude as our fellow said it here... you want to be gay and live as a gay dude... MOVE! Your mom may know you're gay and it doesn't have to be your look, you may have nonverbal signs that sells you away, she won't do anything until she or somebody else catches you. You know how it works. I have a friend of mine coming from Iran, he never said he was gay but he was caught and if you move his hair you can see the trace of the bullet that almost killed him. He had contact to be moved away from the country and I helped him immigrate in Canada. He never went back to Iran and avoid the Iranian community here in Canada. He has been with the same boyfriend for 8 years. So dude MOVE away.

The incident that I posted several days ago in regard to being raped and physically beaten by a "so-called" straight guy who was supposedly a good friend of mine was also Islam with an Arabic descent. I remember prior to that incident how he would come over to my place and we would spend hours talking about this because he confided in me that he was having feelings for me and these feelings was causing him a lot of confusion because of his family's beliefs when it comes to homosexuality. Needless to say, I was surprised to hear this because I assumed he was straight. After hearing this, I thought it would be best if he kept his distance from me to avoid the feelings he was having because I was also close with his immediate family and had a close relationship with his sister as well and she knew I was gay and I didn't want her trying to put blame on me..unfortunately, she did. He did this for about a week, and then after that, he was calling me and paying me unexpected visits. Now, that I'm writing this, I remember how she began to tell me that he really liked me a lot and she would say to me.."Please don't fuck my brother" and at first, I would laugh because I thought she was joking but later on, I saw that she was serious, but I didn't quite understand why she would say this especially if he was so straight. But, like I told him one day while talking about this that he can't fight those feelings because they are a part of him and they will emerge and it doesn't matter that he's in denial or what part of the country you leave for..it is what it is...it doesn't go away...:no:

 

[imadorky]

If the dude is in a Islamic country that lives according to the law of Islam he better leaves that country right now, it's not a matter of risk, he will be stoned to death without judgment, he just need to have someone catching him kissing a dude (we talk about real kiss) and they will chase him down. Not recommended to be brave... I have seen it in Algeria, wasn't pretty. So dude as our fellow said it here... you want to be gay and live as a gay dude... MOVE! Your mom may know you're gay and it doesn't have to be your look, you may have nonverbal signs that sells you away, she won't do anything until she or somebody else catches you. You know how it works. I have a friend of mine coming from Iran, he never said he was gay but he was caught and if you move his hair you can see the trace of the bullet that almost killed him. He had contact to be moved away from the country and I helped him immigrate in Canada. He never went back to Iran and avoid the Iranian community here in Canada. He has been with the same boyfriend for 8 years. So dude MOVE away.

I want it so bad dude
but i cant .. i have a great job here and my family needs me

Your not the first Muslim to come here asking advise to deal with your situation. You give very little to go by in way of details though. Like where are you living? Is it an Islam nation, or someplace a little more moderate? Do you live with your parents? Are you in school?

The best advise I can give is that if you are in fear for your life, then leave. If at all possible go to University in a gay friendly country and stay there...

im from indoensia stay with my parents and i am graduated and im working im just confused
i live with 2 step brothers and step dad (i dont like this)

Although Indonesia has a reputation for being a relatively moderate Muslim country I guess it depends on exactly where you live. You may be able to do things in Bali that you wouldn't consider in Aceh province, which I believe has sharia, and as in most countries larger cosmopolital cities tend to be less of a problem than small provincial towns.

yes i went to bali so many time just doing a GAy thing and try to find caucasian out there on dec 29 ill be in bali are you indonesian ?

 

[jeansGuyOZ]

There was a case some years ago of two gay men from a strictly Islamic country - it may have been Iran - applying for, and being granted, political asylum in Australia becauses the High Court accepted that their lives would be endangered in their home country because of their orientation.

The argument may not be so clear cut in this case here, because I believe Indonesian law is quite a lot less strict than Sharia - but it may be worth investigating. Australia is not a paradise for gays but it's not bad and getting better, most equal rights are enshrined in law. One of the top government ministers is a lesbian and is Malaysian by birth... the leader of the Greens party is openly gay... I hear school students talking on the bus and saying so-and-so is gay, and it's just said as a matter of gossip not in a disparaging way... so come in out of the cold if you have the means to do so.

 

[brmstn69]

I want it so bad dude
but i cant .. i have a great job here and my family needs me



im from indoensia stay with my parents and i am graduated and im working im just confused
i live with 2 step brothers and step dad (i dont like this)


yes i went to bali so many time just doing a GAy thing and try to find caucasian out there on dec 29 ill be in bali are you indonesian ?

Forgive my bluntness, but if you are living with the fear that one or more of your family members will kill you because your gay, then FUCK THEM!

If they cannot accept you for who you are, then they don't deserve your help.

It's not just your family you need to worry about, if something were to happen to you because someone else found out about you, then you still wouldn't be doing them any good, would you?

 

[slimjim]

yes i went to bali so many time just doing a GAy thing and try to find caucasian out there on dec 29 ill be in bali are you indonesian ?

No, I'm in UK... but I read your Introduction so I knew you were Indonesian

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

I want it so bad dude
but i cant .. i have a great job here and my family needs me

Alright dude read this very carefully, I understand that you have a great job and your family needs you... I totally understand that. However here's another picture you may have not look for yourself... and don't get me wrong dude I know the law of Islam... I lived in some Islamic country for a short period of time and I know very well how the life is over there for a middle class Muslim living every day's life. When I was a child from 8yo to 15 or so I would go on mission with my dad when he was a doctor without borders... therefore I've seem a lot of different culture and more. (this was for my background I always provide it so you guys don't come back asking ).

One question? Your job is nice, Your family is happy because you provide for them... GREAT. HOW ARE YOU ???, ARE YOU HAPPY??? DO YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU KIND OF DESERVE TO BE HAPPY??? You do realize that by your strong feeling for dude you're going against the law of ISLAM. What are you going to do about it? Wait until your parent dies, so you'll feel free to have sex with dudes... don't know how old they are but I'm pretty sure that they'll live for another 2 or three decades. Then I guess you're kind of young so somehow you must be attracted with some young dudes... but if you wait you won't be able to go in the young field. Indonesia is not as very strict with gays... I know some couple that are living there pretty nicely and they are gay dudes. I believe it's not the only fact that you are Muslim, it's the family.

I know how it is... no need to explain. It's pretty much the same in Afghanistan where the boys have to take over support for their family and the step-family quite often. So you have two step brothers that have married your sisters and you supply for them too RIGHT? Well I don't want to rain on your parade but if you feel that you need to get out of this you might want to start thinking of an exit plan and stop speaking about your job and responsibilities because soon or later the temptation will come to strong, you won't be thinking straight and you'll be making a lot of mistakes. And sorry dude... pay very good attention to those NICE tourist coming to your country, you may try to seduce them and have them take you away... my little dude we're in 2011, we know the trick. The old man is seduced, bring back a young Indonesian or Thai and you end up being some guys slave in a country you don't know.

Because of all those purulent matchmaking agencies which somehow specialize into matching the right Asians with a rich Caucasian around the world; the rich government got very smart about it and they are now stressing the immigration law everywhere. It is not going to be as easy. Canada itself went lately on war against illegal immigrants and there will be a wave of them being evicted.

Want to live gay, then start planning it... may take a year, 2 years, three or even 5 but if you call yourself beaten from the start because you have a nice Job and family to support, I'd suggest you to take wife and live unhappy for the rest of your life. Chance are that what you'll have to do anyway unless you start taking action. By the way you know you can support your family away from the country

Good Luck dude :cheers:

 

[Tjerk12]

I agree with Jake that it would be wise to plan leaving the country. But on the other hand I can understand imadorky's hesitation. In The Netherlands live a lot of Indonesian people (Indonesia once was a colony of The Netherlands). I know that they have very strong family bonds and they like it that way. As Jake wrote, take your time do plan things. In the mean time try to find out how gay people manage to live in your country. In Indonesia live about 230 million people. So millions of them must be gay and live that way without having trouble. They don't have real freedom and it would not be a life I would like. But when you cannot resist the temptation, it should be wise doing it according the "secret rules" to avoid problems.

 

[Sinnerr]

bad situation, i got few advices for you:
- dont forget deleteing history, cookies and so on in your internet browser, if you share your computer with someone
- do nothing sex with boys till youre not in safe coutry (i know that its easy to say for me)
- try go to some safe country. i dont know exactly which countries are giving political asylum for gays, but i thing that everyone can write here how is situation about it in his coutry i thik this is best (and only one) thing what we can do for him. Show him his possibilities So do it

Im from Czech Republic, here is possible to get political asylum becouse of homosexuality if you are from country where is death penalty or long time in prison for homosexuality. You have to show proof of your homosexuality if its reason why you are in danger in your country. So they will testing you on Penile plethysmograph ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penile_plethysmograph ). Its not comfortable, but exact methode.

In some another european countries are similary possibilities (and probably without Penile plethysmograph)

So thats all what i can do for you. Good luck my friend!

 

[jw4833]

Alright dude read this very carefully, I understand that you have a great job and your family needs you... I totally understand that. However here's another picture you may have not look for yourself... and don't get me wrong dude I know the law of Islam... I lived in some Islamic country for a short period of time and I know very well how the life is over there for a middle class Muslim living every day's life. When I was a child from 8yo to 15 or so I would go on mission with my dad when he was a doctor without borders... therefore I've seem a lot of different culture and more. (this was for my background I always provide it so you guys don't come back asking ).

One question? Your job is nice, Your family is happy because you provide for them... GREAT. HOW ARE YOU ???, ARE YOU HAPPY??? DO YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU KIND OF DESERVE TO BE HAPPY??? You do realize that by your strong feeling for dude you're going against the law of ISLAM. What are you going to do about it? Wait until your parent dies, so you'll feel free to have sex with dudes... don't know how old they are but I'm pretty sure that they'll live for another 2 or three decades. Then I guess you're kind of young so somehow you must be attracted with some young dudes... but if you wait you won't be able to go in the young field. Indonesia is not as very strict with gays... I know some couple that are living there pretty nicely and they are gay dudes. I believe it's not the only fact that you are Muslim, it's the family.

I know how it is... no need to explain. It's pretty much the same in Afghanistan where the boys have to take over support for their family and the step-family quite often. So you have two step brothers that have married your sisters and you supply for them too RIGHT? Well I don't want to rain on your parade but if you feel that you need to get out of this you might want to start thinking of an exit plan and stop speaking about your job and responsibilities because soon or later the temptation will come to strong, you won't be thinking straight and you'll be making a lot of mistakes. And sorry dude... pay very good attention to those NICE tourist coming to your country, you may try to seduce them and have them take you away... my little dude we're in 2011, we know the trick. The old man is seduced, bring back a young Indonesian or Thai and you end up being some guys slave in a country you don't know.

Because of all those purulent matchmaking agencies which somehow specialize into matching the right Asians with a rich Caucasian around the world; the rich government got very smart about it and they are now stressing the immigration law everywhere. It is not going to be as easy. Canada itself went lately on war against illegal immigrants and there will be a wave of them being evicted.

Want to live gay, then start planning it... may take a year, 2 years, three or even 5 but if you call yourself beaten from the start because you have a nice Job and family to support, I'd suggest you to take wife and live unhappy for the rest of your life. Chance are that what you'll have to do anyway unless you start taking action. By the way you know you can support your family away from the country

Good Luck dude :cheers:

This is a perfect response...Could not have said it better....:cheers:

 

[Sinnerr]

eh, i have red first post only and was afraid that you're from iran or something like that.
In Indonesia is homosexuality legal (except Aceh). So theres no danger from the goverment, if your family will kill you if they know than you're gay, left them. Its your life so enjoy it, do what you want to do and need to do. Youre gay this is not choise, if your relativas arn't able to accept it this is not your blame, but its their problem only. No one asked you if you want to be born, so how someone can tell you how you should live your life?

 

[imadorky]

thx you guys it means a lot to me
now i just thinkin how to get a boyfriend lol, i mean a real boyfriend not just for kissing and sex .
i dont know why if i met a hot guy in internet or in a real life (caucasian or spanish) i just thinkin how to kiss or having sex with them (altough i never do that) its that weird?, anyways i really want to move out from this really bad country since i was 5 grade..
but thx for a you guys and im sorry, my english its not good , and for a long time to write back cozz i am really busy with my job

IM NOT ALONE <3

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

thx you guys it means a lot to me
now i just thinkin how to get a boyfriend lol, i mean a real boyfriend not just for kissing and sex .
i dont know why if i met a hot guy in internet or in a real life (caucasian or spanish) i just thinkin how to kiss or having sex with them (altough i never do that) its that weird?, anyways i really want to move out from this really bad country since i was 5 grade..
but thx for a you guys and im sorry, my english its not good , and for a long time to write back cozz i am really busy with my job

IM NOT ALONE <3

Sex is often the first thing that will drive you to a person but it will be soon replaced by some other features of his soul and anatomy. So yes most have the same behavior and that is for all gender.

 

[imadorky]

Ohh guys thx you so much i realy wanted to see you guys talking and share not just on cam and say "hey nice to meet you! can u just put ur pants down?" LOL