:cheers:
I cannot imagine a better reply than yours: this sums it up quite nicely and eloquently.
The experience of anal is probably the most controversial, debated topic of sex discussion, because it varies so widely from person to person, moment to moment. The biggest issues facing "newcomers" to anal are the way it is over-romanticized and hyped by those lucky few who have 100% positive experiences, and the misleading way it is presented in most porn as delightfully effortless, spontaneous, and non-fussy: just another item on the menu. Gay sex covers a wide spectrum, what is a requirement for some is unnecessary or undesirable for others. Some guys can't get off from oral, others can't stand another man giving them a handjob, others get nothing from anal. Life is not like porn: each of us has preferences. Learn what yours are, then find compatible playmates: if you find you enjoy anal play, that's wonderful, if you find you don't, no problem- there are plenty of guys out there with similar feelings.
As with many things, there are shades of grey. When everything is "in sync" the anal experience is as glorious as the best-case examples described by brmstn69:
Unfortunately, contrary to myth, not every gay man is genetically optimized for anal sex. Some of us are literally "born to be fucked" - with shallow easily-spread butt cheeks, total conscious control over our sphincter muscles, totally predictable and "clean" bowel movements, flexible limbs, and so on. If you fall into this lucky category, anal sex for you will indeed be as it seems in porn: nearly always easy, nearly always fun, never messy or difficult. I have known MANY men with an astonishing ability to get fucked any time, any place, at a moments notice, with little to no preparation.
I envy them, as I fall to the opposite extreme category: ridiculously tight sphincter, buried deep in a bony ass that doesn't spread open for access, and bowels that require at least an hour of cleaning/preparation before I even THINK of playing with a toy, never mind a partner. No chance whatever of spontaneously going with a mood, and enjoying penetration in the moment: I must plan ahead for anal to the nth degree like a military campaign. It is so much work, worry and fuss that it kills the anticipation and joy for me, and of course most partners (no top wants to suggest a fuck and then have to wait an hour while you prepare, returning to bed with an exhausted look on your face).
Despite all this, when I've timed things perfectly and had an understanding partner, anal has been incredible: the most transcendent, joyful physical sensations you can imagine. It actually feels better than an orgasm: more like one continuous orgasmic state. (This is something that cannot be duplicated with a toy: getting fucked by a man with a warm, hard cock who knows what he's doing is far more pleasurable. If you feel drawn to such an experience, the effort of training your body and finding a compatible partner is well worth it.)
Most men will have anal abilities that fall somewhere between the two extremes: the only way to know yours is to experiment. Begin with small toys, and work your way up to something the size of a typical cock (or slightly larger). You will learn very quickly whether you are ideally suited for penetration, or will need to prepare yourself in some aspects (what degree of bowel cleansing you need to feel secure and comfortable, how much anal foreplay you need to really relax the muscles, etc.) Each man should know his own body before sharing it with others.
Some here might disagree on the need to begin with solo toy play. Many GH members began sexual activity in their teens with other boys, and "learned on the job." This can work if your partner is considerate and truly interested in your pleasure, but most young men are sexually selfish and will expect you to just "bend over and take it" like they see in porn. Try to be objective about your potential playmates: if they seem patient and willing to explore and learn with you, go ahead. If they expect immediate anal from you, hold off until you've experimented with toys, or wait for a partner with a more mature attitude towards breaking you in gently.
Once you learn the limits and reactions of your own body, the next step is learning to "read" potential partners. Finding a "top" who actually knows how to fuck properly is not nearly as easy as porn would lead you to believe. More of us instinctively lean toward "bottom" orientation than "top," and believe me there is nothing worse than discovering the "top" you climbed into bed with isn't fundamentally into topping. This is especially true when we're young: with age and experience a lot of us become adaptable and can go bottom OR top if the partner attracts us enough to activate the dormant side of our sexuality. But when very young, those with bottom tendencies identify fiercely as bottoms, and will need a definite top for anal to work. This applies whether you are a "passive bottom" who yearns to feel dominated, or a "power bottom" who gets off on taking control of the top. In either case, a top whose cock isn't rock hard with eagerness will have difficulty penetrating you, resulting in a poor experience for both partners.
Which leads us to a seldom-discussed but common difficulty in gay life: tops who've been spoiled rotten by a succession of incredibly agile and skilled bottoms. Many men who primarily identify as top attract very skilled bottoms with receptive abilities far beyond the typical newcomer to anal. These bottoms are so effortless to penetrate that they can lie on their stomachs playing Candy Crush on thier iPhone while another man plows them silly. Once a top gets used to this kind of bottom, he loses patience with partners that need a normal amount of foreplay or preparation: he expects to insert his SOFT cock in an ass, and have that ass massage him into full erection and climax. If you have the misfortune to encounter such a top, especially in a dating situation, try not to waste your time "re-training" him- it can't be done, once a man has too much experience of "fuss free bottoms" he is useless to the majority of bottoms who do need a little TLC.
Perhaps the most important skill a newly-out gay man must learn is how to read and properly react to other gay men, and to keep his heart and emotions in check when a romantic or lust partner proves incompatible in any significant area. While it is very disappointing and hard to accept someone you like very much simply isn't right for you, it is best to move on quickly than waste time with a poor fit.
Good luck to you! p
in inside you. That too can be great, great fun.
