Im Trapped, cannot come out, Dying inside

[sweetuttsada]

I wish I could tell my friends and family That im gay...
I love them so much...if i tell them im afraid ill lose them..
I dont want to be alone.
I cant live without them.

I tried to come out in high school, everybody hates me,even my best friend ran away from me...

Now im in college, i've fallen in love with a guy... we hangout everyday..every minute...every second...

But everybody else starting to feel suspicious...Im scared if they find out...
Im ashamed of myself.
Its not safe to be gay here In Malaysia...

Some1 help me.......

 

[garth33]

First off...do NOT be ashamed of yourself - you are who you are, your problem is the intolerance of people where you live. What happens to someone who's openly gay in Malaysia or can you even be openly gay there? I know its a Muslim country and they have big problems with it. Sorry to be ignorant about your country, I live in the US but wish you the best bud!
Peace
g33

 

[Thor]

I wish i could help you sweetuttsada

but I probably cant...lol

I will however ask two questions, is the guy your in love with..in love with you?

and, why are you ashamed of yourself?

 

[sweetuttsada]

Im in love with the guy, but he's str8.
Im ashamed bcoz im gay.. i wish i could be normal

 

[garth33]

Im in love with the guy, but he's str8.
Im ashamed bcoz im gay.. i wish i could be normal

dude...i wrestled with this FOR YEARS! You ARE normal...what turns you on turns you on...you can't control that. Just because you live in a repressive country that doesn't accept "gay" people doesn't mean you're a bad person or should think of yourself as a bad person. It's YOUR nature...just like it's mine and it doesn't fit what most people think or HAVE TO BELIEVE is their nature, it is what it is man...so why not embrace it? Because you will never be truly happy without embracing it and why punish yourself for the ideals of what everyone else thinks?? Does your friend have any idea you like him so much?

 

[sweetuttsada]

nope...im afraid to tell him

 

[The Snail]

This is so sad, and it makes me angry that everyone can't enjoy the same rights that we enjoy in the West. Obviously there's still a stigma attached to homosexuality in the U.S. and places in Europe, but generally if you come out in the West you will not be completely ostracized--or, God forbid, put to death, as is still the case in some countries. I'm no expert on Malaysian culture other than knowing it's diverse, so I'm in no better position than anyone else to suggest what to do. You know your friend better than we do, so it's up to you to decide whether or not to tell him. Just know that you're not alone, there are others who are facing the same problems, and there are places in the world where you can be yourself without having to apologize for it.

 

[sweetuttsada]

should I see a psychiatrist? im worried i'll harm myself

 

[NightLitch]

sweetuttsada....You get through it is your life and the only one who can decide what is right or wrong is your own feeling, I also had it hard as hell when I told my surroundings my father was against me for a year ore tvo while my mom took it natural, The important thing is that you talk to a real friend and I'm sure you get the full support from us in this forum I keep fingers crossed for you and it is something you have to tell it and not hold it for you soul....I put everything else aside, I want so badly to help you my friend

 

[garth33]

that's what's really cool about the internet! 30 years ago...no one would have been able to offer advice or even talk to someone halfway across the world - NOW WE CAN! It's pretty cool actually - and makes us realize we're ALL citizens of the Planet Earth and "borders" between countries SUCK but i don't want to get on my soapbox here so I won't! (for now The INTERNET POINT is...we can ALL talik about our problems and hopefully solve them...and Sada? For now...if you want to be happy...you gotta move! To another part of the world where you can live how you want to live without religious complications!? (I suggest Sweden!) They're mostly blond and like a wacky fish-dish called "ludefisk" but they're pretty progressive for white people - at least they won't chop off your head or whip you or whatever for just liking guys instead of girls...it's love, not a crime you Muslim assh*les!

I'm out...PEACE first and always!!!!

g33

 

[sweetuttsada]

Thanks everybody~

 

[halbard]

Hi mate - I live in Australia and have met a number of young gay Asian guys who have been able to escape the tyranny of their homes cultures by studying in Australia and then gaining resident status here. It's a terrible thing not to be able to be honest about yourself in your homeland with your own family but believe me, the guys I have met who have made the break have emerged from the stifling closet of bigotry into the sunshine of a new life. You seem like a sensitive loving soul who deserves the chance to be himself, live his life to the full, and find love. Give yourself a chance, escape...

 

[sweetuttsada]

But i love my parent so much....i made a promise to myself...i would give my all to keep them happy...

 

[garth33]

But i love my parent so much....i made a promise to myself...i would give my all to keep them happy...

I understand that too Sweet...I've done it too! To spare my parents and in-laws the "shame" of being associated with someone who is gay. My question is...is it right and for who?? I would dodge it to spare my parents shame but don't they want me to be happy? So why wouldn't they overlook it to make me happy??? It's as my friends in the UK say a "sticky wicket"

Someday - ALL FAMILIES will say...do what makes you happy! (because we can't ALL be hetero couples making babies on this overpopulated planet!) but that day is not today in 2009 my friend...sorry...the only thing you can do is fight for it and fight for the perception that their can be gay muslims...I know THAT will be tough but we all need to fight our own battles now budday)

Peace!
g33

 

[sweetuttsada]

sticky wicket...hehe...
im sure my parents will be mad and surprised at first..
but im sure they will not leave me alone... they will find a way to 'cure' me... i think

but i think...i dont have to tell them that i'm gay...there is no need to label myself as 'gay'... i mean, im not really sure that im gay.... i had sex with boys...they turn me on.. but may be im just experimenting.. I never had sex with a girl... never been on a date with a girl...i think they r cute... they legs r so hot..i mean, i could be straight....

hahaha

 

[sweetuttsada]

im confused now.

 

[sweetuttsada]

i agree

 

[XMan101]

Don't try putting a label on yourself. You find attractive those you find attractive, a lot of us find people of both sexes attractive, it's only society that tries to put the pressure on you to only like only one or the other (preferably the opposite sex in the main) so be free, at least in your mind, and enjoy everything life can offer you

sticky wicket...hehe...
im sure my parents will be mad and surprised at first..
but im sure they will not leave me alone... they will find a way to 'cure' me... i think

but i think...i dont have to tell them that i'm gay...there is no need to label myself as 'gay'... i mean, im not really sure that im gay.... i had sex with boys...they turn me on.. but may be im just experimenting.. I never had sex with a girl... never been on a date with a girl...i think they r cute... they legs r so hot..i mean, i could be straight....

hahaha

 

[sweetuttsada]

thanks....i feel a lot better now