Is it wierd to stay in touch with your ex?

[Otage]

Cause my guys ex is coming to stay the night at my guys place with his new bf. He told me this, and that he wasn't yet sure is it okay. He said if they wanna come, then let them come. He also said, that of course my opinnion counts. Don't know what my opinnion is though.

 

[W!nston]

Tough question Otage.

If I were in your shoes I wouldn't want to seem insecure about his ex (and his exes bf) spending 'one' night. But I would wonder about my position in his priority list if he thinks putting me in such an awkward position is acceptable.

Also, I would ask myself why his ex thinks it's okay to make such an imposition and adding the extra insult of bringing his new bf along for the show. I think he must be looking forward to seeing you humiliated by his manipulation of the bf you share with him.

I'm afraid I would react badly in this situation. I would feel very much like an outsider in his 'weekend tryst' with his ex no matter how many other boyfriends he or his ex bring to the party.

I think it's wrong of him to even entertain the thought of his ex +1 spending 'one' night.

I hope you handle it better than I think I would.

Keep me posted please...

 

[Shelter]

Tough question Otage.

If I were in your shoes I wouldn't want to seem insecure about his ex (and his exes bf) spending 'one' night. But I would wonder about my position in his priority list if he thinks putting me in such an awkward position is acceptable.

Also, I would ask myself why his ex thinks it's okay to make such an imposition and adding the extra insult of bringing his new bf along for the show. I think he must be looking forward to seeing you humiliated by his manipulation of the bf you share with him.

I'm afraid I would react badly in this situation. I would feel very much like an outsider in his 'weekend tryst' with his ex no matter how many other boyfriends he or his ex bring to the party.

I think it's wrong of him to even entertain the thought of his ex +1 spending 'one' night.

I hope you handle it better than I think I would.

Keep me posted please...

I couldn't have said it better. Here all is said - and so you should act!

 

[jw4833]

We all have our own opinions in regard to this matter ....however, I have to say for me...this would not happen because although I do have contact with a few of my exes (only had 4 bfs..haha)..but that is when we run into each other or at the same event and we may strum up a quick chat of pleasantries. Nonetheless...I would not invite him and his new partner to stay the night at my home...I recall a situation with my first bf when an ex he had ran into was having a difficult time and had asked if he could stay with us for a little while which I felt awkward about due to the fact that I knew that he still had feelings for me and even more so...he had friends/acquaintances that he could have stayed with as well. Yet...my bf persuaded me to do this and within a matter of a day...while going to the kitchen...this guy had the bedroom door open where the bed was positioned towards the entrance of the door and he was lying there butt naked stroking his hard dick at me with a devilish grin on his face. Needless to say...my bf at the time got really upset because he was coming right behind me and caught the whole show too....and immediately threw him out. Again...your situation could be different from mine ...but to answer your question..for me...yes, I would not feel awkward about staying in touch with an ex especially if we ended on a good note...but to stay the night in close quarters with an ex and my relationship is still in the new phase...I could not be cool with it...just saying..

 

[Otage]

The person I assumed to be his exe's bf, is actually his son. And the reason my guys ex gave, was that the son had been asking after my guy. I told my guy, that it's his bussiness, and I have to trust him. And I also told that I personally would never do smth like that, especially this early on.

 

[W!nston]

The plot thickens...

The 'ex' has a son. That son is 'asking' to see the ex's former boyfriend who is now your boyfriend. Do you know the age of the ex's son? Is he juvenile, teenage or young adult? So many questions remain about this increasingly complicated situation.

I suppose my mind is being overly suspicious but somehow the 'my son wants to see you' reason for the overnight visit sounds a little like an excuse or deception. I could be wrong and probably am wrong.

With this new information I think I've changed my mind and now I think you must be there for the overnight visit. If you aren't there your new bf might think you aren't willing to 'fight' (figuratively speaking) for him or that you won't be there when he needs you the most. The ex might use that as a wedge to break the two of you up. This ex sounds manipulative and sly as a fox. If I were you I would be there and be very friendly and show your new man you will be there when he needs you and show that 'hussy' (his ex) who's turf he is trespassing on

Good luck Otage!

Keep us posted! Please!

 

[Otage]

The son is juvenile. But my guy hasn't asked if I wanna be there. This is a test of trust I feel. Sheets has been changed very recently, and if they are changed again after the visit, or if there lingers a strange scent of cologne... I'm gonna seem trustfull, but I'm on full alert mode And my guy seems like trustworthy person, so this could be good test. There might be some hidden agenda, on any one of their side, I'm just hoping it's not on my guys side.

 

[lhardwick69]

the thing about your ex--he was your friend first whether it be for few months or yrs --unless you met and became boyfriends--if it were me I wouldn't have an issue with seeing my ex or ex's because unless he was cheating that broke up because wasn't compatable or wanted to meet knew people there is a bond of friendship there---

and yes your opinion matters but is he a good friend after the break up--do you often wonder how he is since you broke up--then sure meet in a mutual place and see how it goes--

if he is bringing he new boyfriend thenmake sure its strictly platonic unless he is wanting a threesome with you--if you are single not that's totally up to you--but if he wants to be friends and so on then go for it--I know I would and in few cases I have as I talk to an ex of mine time to time but he is like 1000 miles from me now but we still talk

 

[Otage]

So everybody thinks it's bit wierd and maybe even bit insulting? Tomorrow my guy and his ex are spending night together, be cause the exe's has been asking after my guy, and I'm not invited. He called today, but to be honest, was not interested about telling my day or hearing about his. Just told him to have fun with his ex, with a doomy tone. Don't know do I feel like going there after his ex has left. I think he is asking bit too much trust, since we've been together only two months. All my friends think the situation is wierd. I feel like I don't trust his kind words of missing me, promises of nice weekend together etc. I'm getting bit angry.

Ps. Thanks all to your replies. I can't see the thanks button on my phone, and my laptop was on rehab after drinking too much water. His gotten clean now, but his typing is messed up.

 

[loretta]

difficult
I was/am in the position of your boyfriend: my last bf and i have been together for over 7 years, during this time happened a lot that bonded us and we still care about each other. And i must say: in the beginngin of the relationship with my now boyfriend (and future husband) my ex was more important to me than my hubby was. He turned in a very close friend.
My hubby was very jealous when he first met him - ex was going on vacation and I took his dog for the time - and still finds it weird - but he accepted our friendship and knows that there is no danger.
All i can say is: Please do not overreact, do not prejudice, wait and see
if he cheats he is an asshole, but if not try not to destroy a friendship

 

[Otage]

We have cleared the matter. We talked, we actually had 'the talk' in our way, and it's all fine now, actually better. I can't imagine I would have othervise deared to have the talk, sceptic that I am when it comes to trusting

His story was believable, and the facts holded, and he was sincere. He apoligized and regretted accepting his ex visit proposal, even though I had said it's up to him to decide. He felt bad how he had made me feel etc. It was a closeru for his old, long relationship, which he hadn't had before. He had told his ex this was the last time they will see. The agenda of the visit from his exe's side didn't really reveal it self. My guy told he had always been imbossible person (the ex) and the visit clarified the thoughts, that my guy doesn't fancy the ex anymore at all. The ex had all though showed my guy some new sexy underwear he had ordered, so that may give some glue... My guy told that his ex had always been a bit of a slut, and incapaple of living in relationship. My guy told he himself has always been loyal and honest (not cheating, and telling when thing isn't working), and I can believe that in him, since I'm always been like that too, and we kinda share the same kinda ideals when it comes to relationships and dating.

And I know this may seem bit hard to believe, but I can't write all the things he told (because we had a veeery loong talk), and I feel incredibly lucky, that the bad scenarios everyone would have had about situation like this didn't come to true. I will still continue being protective of my heart, but I'm also advancing But talking truly was the answer, just like one of my friends suggested:thumbs up:

 

[HustleMe15]

Glad to hear that it all worked out. That was an interesting read. Hopefully I will never have to go through that, and Nick and I will be together for a very long time to come.

 

[W!nston]

I would bet your new beaus feels just as lucky to have found you as you feel about him

Things like relationships hinge on so many big and small things but TRUST is the central hub of it all. Without trust people grow apart sooner or later.

It seems you two have turned a corner and made that trusting connection. My heart is happy for you my friend Otage

:big hug:

Sniff, sniff (tears of joy)

 

[Otage]

Reading all this, I think I'm an exception here ... I had 5 'serious BF, the last being my husband now.
And, except the 4th who's married with kids (it was an explosive love story for both of us) and the 2nd who's dead, I stay in touch with the my former BF. This 2nd one was before his death a friend, even though no longer a BF. Especially with the 3rd who's now one of OUR closest friends, we have regulary monthly contacts be it by phone or social visits. The first one (a French living in Germany) stays sometimes with us when he is in France.

Evidently, these were all my BFs ... But I never detected a ressentment in my husband behavior.
He didn't have BF before me, so ...

I'm glad to hear that your husband has so much fate in you Maybe he can trust so well because he hasn't had any ex-boyfriends? His heart hasn't beent torn out by lies in the past.

But ofc in general, it's not illegal to stay in touch with your ex I just personally don't see any reason for it, and have bit hard time understanding why would anyone wanna carry their past with them? Bring old lovers in new relationships, even though it might make the new one feel uncomfortable?

 

[Shelter]

Perhaps it is because I never quit a BF because of bad sentiments or behavior. We always separated because their was no spark anymore, no love anymore.
But even if the love and the sexual attraction are gone, I don't want to be deprived of the friendship ...

Frenchgerman this is really a very heartwarming post. It shows so much empathy which is really very seldom today. p

 

[Otage]

Perhaps it is because I never quit a BF because of bad sentiments or behavior. We always separated because their was no spark anymore, no love anymore.
But even if the love and the sexual attraction are gone, I don't want to be deprived of the friendship ...

In that case. I've only been serious with few enough wonderfull guy, and they have ended in lies. I have forgiven and forgotten.

 

[Otage]

then I am really really sorry for you, Otage !

Thanks, but don't be, I have someone promising atm And I have learned a lot from the past "relationships":thumbs up:

 

[mino521]

I don't have an ex, so it's not my place to say anything. but if i have one, i won't keep in touch!