need advice (again)

[wardell]

I met a guy and we are hitting it off great. but i have lead him on but not intentional I was just so happy that some one finds me attractive that I flurted with him he is cute but I do not find him attractive and he is moving to fast he wants to be my boyfriend after only two days I told him I want to go slow and he is ok. he can wait. I would like to see were this going maybe i will find him attractive later I dont know I don't want to be a bad person

any advice
thanks

 

[Dendood]

Honesty is the best policy.

An ancient adage but as true today as the moment the first Neanderthal thought it. Not only would I say what I'm feeling, I'd go as far as showing him this thread.

My concern, greater than the concern for you not finding him attractive -is him wanting to 'cement' your relationship after only 2 days of knowing each other. 2 days???

2 days????????

Would you write someone into your will after knowing them for 2 days? Would you pay their mortgage after knowing them for only 2 days. (Well, I guess I shouldn't have said that second part... there are people who cast logic to the wind and they would... but I'm assuming logic and reason aren't out the window...)

You like each other. That's a good thing. You're 'hitting' it off, that's a good thing. He's cute. You're attractive. How about you leave it at that and see what happens. Enjoy each others company and let the natural progression of things take its course.

 

[topdog]

Yeah, I think that hitting it off after two dates certainly is a green light for date #3. No one is forcing you to have sex with him - maybe he can become a good friend.

Definitely let him know that he is trying to go too fast for your comfort. That is fair. It sounds like neither one of you has that much experience in the dating world, so some stumbles are understandable and should be forgiven. Just set things straight, and move forward.

Maybe his sexual attractiveness will increase as you get to know him? Or maybe he is friend material - but that's a good outcome as well. However if, after a couple of weeks, the sex thing just isn't going to happen, then definitely let him know that he's been moved to the friend zone. That gives him the opportunity to decide if he wants to stay there or bail out - which is his choice.

 

[newage]

If you at least find him cute I guess there is hope. Sounds like situation where he likes you way more than you like him. But at this early stage in the game there is plenty of time for that to change. I'd stick with the gut here, take it slow .

 

[dargelos]

It takes mere seconds to tell if a man is handsome, but that is lust and lust never lasts long. When you are looking for love, you need to find out what's on the inside. Some men are like an open book, easy to read. With others the pages turn slowly. The urge to rush things is understandable, this is an exciting time for both of you. Try to relax and let Mother Nature be your guide, she'll tell you when the time is right to make your move.

 

[Shelter]

It takes mere seconds to tell if a man is handsome, but that is lust and lust never lasts long. When you are looking for love, you need to find out what's on the inside. Some men are like an open book, easy to read. With others the pages turn slowly. The urge to rush things is understandable, this is an exciting time for both of you. Try to relax and let Mother Nature be your guide, she'll tell you when the time is right to make your move.

Dargelos - again a very good, clever reasoned and wise post for this topic. :thumbs up:

 

[wardell]

well there has been an interesting development. he now hates me for some reason me made plans and he stood me up so I called him to see what happened and it goes to voice mail so I left a message saying "I hope every things ok" and I got no response I waited 3 days on the 4th day I remembered he friended me on facebook so I went there to send him a massage and he was online so I asked whats was wrong he just logged off. i go back today and now he has blocked me. I don't understand whats going on we were getting along great and now this. this makes the 4th time some one had stopped takling to me for no reason. he went from be my boyfriend to I hate you this is weird whats wrong with him I don't understand

 

[topdog]

Well, that's weird. Maybe he read your messages here and figured out that you were writing about him? (Just kidding.)

It would be nice to talk with him and find out what he is thinking. But, he seems determined not to do that. I would look at it this way. It is not possible to have a deep relationship with someone who pulls away and locks all the doors every time there is a conflict. This is someone who can't deal with negative emotions and tough conversations.

So, take a lesson and make sure you don't do that - but otherwise count yourself lucky that you have saved yourself the experience of getting tangled up with someone that emotionally immature.

 

[wardell]

thats what I don't get there was no conflict. I told him he was moving to fast and he was sorry and that he would slow down. he seamed ok we even made plans. so I have no idea whats going on. but good riddance. and here I was worried i was going about his fillings

 

[dargelos]

It's good that you dont seem to blame yourself at all. This guy's problems are his own, he has to sort himself out. If you had thought you were doing someting wrong you would have said so, since you are clearly completely honest. I hope you can walk away without feeling hurt, then you've learnt something, put it all down to experience as the cliche goes. Even better if you can do it without a grudge, the idea of getting your own back never works.
Perhaps there are a million men in America looking for boyfriends tonight, cross one loser off the list, that still leaves 999,999 to choose from.

 

[wardell]

I did blame myself for a while wondering what i did wrong maybe I'm just not likeable or not good enough but I have been talking to Shelter and he has told me to stop thinking bad myself so thats what I'm trying to do. I do fill hurt. but I still hope he finds some one to make him happy and I hope he works out what ever he is going though

 

[Otage]

Sounds like few guys I've had a fling with. They are ok and say exactly what you wanna hear, but only as long as they get what they want. And they never explain their actions. If he's like those people, he deserves nothing.

And besides, if you didn't find him attractive, well I can only speak on my behalf, the attraction never sparks up. And worse, you may start to like him, and start thinking his attractive, but things in bedroom go sour quite fast.

 

[lhardwick69]

you flirted with him because you were interested in him or you wouldn't have flirted-- I do agree that after two days he wants to be your boyfriend is too soon but look at it this way--how long you known each other--if you've known each other for years and you finally flirted with him --its released these feelings he has about you and glad you finally showed interest in him..
you flirting with him and not interested in him in that way was totally wrong--now you risk possible losing a good boyfriend as he may not be your type but maybe getting to know him in that way you might see you do like him

andsecond thing is you risk losing a friend over this-- and maybe just maybe you should have thought about it more before doing the flirting thing--is your friendship with him not that important to you--?

 

[wardell]

you flirted with him because you were interested in him or you wouldn't have flirted-- I do agree that after two days he wants to be your boyfriend is too soon but look at it this way--how long you known each other--if you've known each other for years and you finally flirted with him --its released these feelings he has about you and glad you finally showed interest in him..
you flirting with him and not interested in him in that way was totally wrong--now you risk possible losing a good boyfriend as he may not be your type but maybe getting to know him in that way you might see you do like him

andsecond thing is you risk losing a friend over this-- and maybe just maybe you should have thought about it more before doing the flirting thing--is your friendship with him not that important to you--?

we were are not friends we only knew each other for 4 days