scared to come out

[alant]

Hi everyone,

I'm 21 and have only really realized that I might be gay when I got to college. Over the past two years I've really plugged into the whole "super straight" scene, have had a few (wonderful) relationships with women, but the more I head down that road the more I realize that's not the road I want to be on.

I'm not really sure what I want to do, and am hoping that you guys will have some advice.

Merry Christmas!
-Alan

 

[Thor]

the only advice i can offer is: just do what you want and feel hope all works out for you sweetie...and merry christmas Alan

 

[taurus2904]

Be true to yourself. If your school offers counseling services, sometimes it helps to talk it out with someone who's only stake in the process is your own well-being.

 

[Jamie]

There are a lot in your situation Alan. Believe me or not it`s been more than 6 years since I started feeling something inside...thinking about boys, thinking about how it would be to have sex with boys...watching gay porn...fantasizing different things...and except for the guys on this forum, and a guy I`ve been talking with via emails, no one else knows. I`m scared just like you to come out in our society. The best thing is to take your time, see what you really feel, see how things are...are you really Gay? Maybe you`re just bi curious...or maybe you`re just curious. Talk to someone you trust and you KNOW he/she`ll listen and give you his/her best advice regarding your thoughts...It`s a bit difficult I wish you all the best!
And Merry Christmas to you too!

 

[goejavin]

Its so easy to say just dont worry about what anyone says or thinks; that its all about what you want and how you feel and that nothing matters but whats best for you. Well, on paper that seems all fine and dandy but in reality its important to consider the immediate impact coming out to your family and friends will have on your life. Obviously it depends on each persons situation and how compassionate your family and friends may or may not be. In most instances, and since you are "super straight" I would think it may be in your instance, that there might be a good deal of stress, anxiety, misunderstanding, anger, abandonment and it could get overwhelming.

I think it is important that you weigh the consequences and determine if this is the right moment to come out. If you are prepared for the worst and deep in your heart you are ready to make the move, then all the more strength to you...sometimes the end result is surprisingly positive. But if you are not ready to have your life turned upside down, in the event that happens, then I would suggest you wait for that time in your life when it might make more sense.

I hate to sound too dramatic or overly negative, but it is a big step and, its true, there is no feeling better than to finally let it out and no longer have to "hide," but there is a time and a place, and its best when that time and place makes best sense for you.
So I suggest just think deeply and carefully about your situation and you will do the right thing.

Good luck, Alan and my very best wishes.

Merry Christmas!!!

 

[bloop2]

Hmm.. kinda told my mom when i was younger about my difference, haven't made it into a big deal really.. I think there might be 2 reasons why I haven't "officially" come out yet.. 1 maybe perhaps theres a slight scared feeling that I have inside.. and 2 there doesn't need to feel like I need to publicly tell my family when its quite evident that I already am, so do I really need to come out? I don't think so. I mean once I have a boyfriend I mean I wouldn't deny him and hide him from family. Not really a big deal to me anymore so i've gotten over the thought of needing to tell my family over dinner because i don't think its that necessary, but you can see how you feel about it

 

[aiden monroe]

HEY!

Hi everyone,

I'm 21 and have only really realized that I might be gay when I got to college. Over the past two years I've really plugged into the whole "super straight" scene, have had a few (wonderful) relationships with women, but the more I head down that road the more I realize that's not the road I want to be on.

I'm not really sure what I want to do, and am hoping that you guys will have some advice.

Merry Christmas!
-Alan

I'm in the exact same boat as you are, did you find out the next few steps? newbie here needs some guidance XD

 

[Askani]

I didnt really need a "PARADE" or anything I just told the ppl I thought I needed to and the others I met already met me as "gay" Ed... it's kinda weird how it changed without I noticed, maybe the fights with some former friends distracted me of my... transition... and any issues with your first time you can also ask me for some practice lessons... u.u

 

[Winger]

A couple years ago I was in your position, the same age and just as much in the closet. For me what made the difference was exploring a bit and realizing what made me happy. When I realized how happy having a relationship with a guy was, it became a lot easier to accept who I was and understand why I had to tell others. Unfortunately I have kind of hit a rut, and a few important people are still left. I think the best advice is just to push yourself in your own way, whether to talk to somebody, meet people, something like that. I think for a lot of people it will flow naturally out of that.