Well, "self-hatred" is a pretty elastic term - what does it mean anyway?
But something is definitely going on there. Maybe it's just the age-old practice of identifying who is "in" and "out" of your particular tribe? Is this really any different than a gaggle of 14 year old girls criticizing every other girl that walks by? Or the classic
Glee slushie in the face of the queer kid walking down the hall? Or the suburban housewives whispering about the Mexican family that has moved in down the street and doesn't keep up their yard? Or the upper class folks rolling their eyes at middle class tastes in clothes or food?
I think that kind of behavior tries to do do things:
- Put as much social distance as possible between you and the person who doesn't belong. (Your message: "I am not anything like that guy!")
- Close ranks and strengthen ties inside your tribe - you define who you are by rejecting what you are not. (Your message: "We are the only sensible ones - everyone else just doesn't get it.")
Queer culture breaks down the expected gender roles. At one extreme are drag queens and effeminate gays (think Carson Kressley from
Queer Eye, or Jack from
Will and Grace). At the other end are the uber-butch leather muscle daddys who exaggerate every masculine trait known to man. And there is everything in between. Some people dabble and try on different roles. Some people try to steer a hetero-normative course right down the middle, congratulating themselves for being able to "pass" in the straight world. (Or is that hiding in the straight world?)
It's natural to form these families of like-minded people. But when someone is insecure in who they are and their place in the group, then putting down other people is a cheap way to bond and get the spotlight off of oneself.
Not that pointing this out will change anything. If you do, the insecure people will only feel more threatened.
