sexual morals and values

[jeansGuyOZ]

As far as I am concerned, the only way I think morality is relevant in sex is that no one should be getting hurt.

I'm afraid I can't agree that "hookups are wrong". Not if both parties are consenting, and neither one is playing games by having someone else to whom they claim to be "faithful" (whether married or not).

Much of the problem is caused by the concept of marriage, which is, let's face it, a rather artificial institution. Sex predates marriage by a very very long time, I'm sure. If two people genuinely want to commit to one another, good luck to them, but I don't think they are entitled to judge others on how they should live. In particular the idea that you shouldn't have sex before marriage, apart from being a naive fantasy, means that couples get married without knowing whether or not they are sexually compatible. They live with the situation for years, perhaps because they fear the social cost of a breakup, perhaps because they manage to find enough other things in common that they can suppress this frustration. Then, surprise surprise, husband or wife takes a lover or a prostitute.

Which brings us to the matter of STDs. Sure, monogamy is a great way to minimise the risk. Problem is that just paying lipservice to monogamy is not enough. It doesn't work when you say you're faithful and you only occasionally have a bit on the side. Just as you can't be a little bit pregnant, you can't be mostly faithful, either you are or you are not. In fact in some ways that situation is worse than when you have an open relationship and each partner knows that the other plays the field. It's worse because when one (let's say it's the husband) finds he has picked up some STD, the easiest course by far is not to tell the wife and hope he doesn't pass it on - but that is the best way of ensuring the spread of the disease, because if he wants to keep his extramarital affairs a secret he will have to carry on having sex with the wife as though nothing had happened. For example, if they had not been using condoms, he wouldn't suddenly start using them since that would certainly arouse her suspicions.

I'm starting to ramble a bit... in summary, what I want to say is that it's not the sex or the avoidance of sex that is wrong, it's people being dishonest in their dealings with other people, encouraged by the pervasive presence of social customs that people think they must adhere to, whether it suits their own situation or not.

 

[Stonecold]

I don't think people wanting a long term relationship and being able to wait are judging other people, maybe some are but it sure seems like people into hookups are judging those who are not into that. Michael one of the young guys I know is now in a six month long dating relationship with another young man and they are taking time getting to know one another to see how things will work out. I think that is valid and their right to do so. Yes there are drawbacks to doing that but I don't think what some seem to think people should do is any more of a guarantee of happiness in life as what they have chosen to do.
jeansGuyOZ

in summary, what I want to say is that it's not the sex or the avoidance of sex that is wrong, it's people being dishonest in their dealings with other people, encouraged by the pervasive presence of social customs that people think they must adhere to, whether it suits their own situation or not.

I agree 100 percent with you about honesty. I would only differ in I think modern Gay social customs that a lot of Gays adhere to are every bit as wrong in making people feel if they choose another path it is wrong and they are only doing it because of other social customs.

 

[jeansGuyOZ]

I think modern Gay social customs that a lot of Gays adhere to are every bit as wrong in making people feel if they choose another path it is wrong and they are only doing it because of other social customs.

True, and I could probably produce a long list of such customs that many gays adhere to, but it would be getting somewhat off-topic.

 

[wardell]

but why do people feel that you need to be sexually compatible you can have a great relationship and not be sexually compatible but you can be over time its just no one I will it give it a change. one of the girls i know was talking about is guy she was seeing she was up set that they had 3 dates and he has not made a move on her he say he wants to go slow after a while they did have sex then she dumped him saying the sex was just ok but not good she was not willing to wait to see if he could or would improve she through away a good nice guy like he was trash all because they were not sexually compatible it the time that's wrong if she had taken the time she could have taught him how to improve

 

[Stonecold]

wardell

but why do people feel that you need to be sexually compatible you can have a great relationship and not be sexually compatible but you can be over time its just no one I will it give it a change. one of the girls i know was talking about is guy she was seeing she was up set that they had 3 dates and he has not made a move on her he say he wants to go slow after a while they did have sex then she dumped him saying the sex was just ok but not good she was not willing to wait to see if he could or would improve she through away a good nice guy like he was trash all because they were not sexually compatible it the time that's wrong if she had taken the time she could have taught him how to improve

So very true!
I don't think it has to be. Two people that truly love each other can work this out. Some people live only for great sex and if that is what they desire more power to them. I think a lot of people wouldn't be happy in a relationship if the sex was great, to them the chase is what they live for and again if that is what they want I wish them happiness.
I know Gay seniors that spent their whole life chasing one man after another and never took the time to even try to find a special someone and they are now the most sad miserable lonely people I know. I feel sorry for them and they get upset with seniors that have a special someone because we won't give them the time they want from us. TD and I cherish the alone time together we have in this busy world as much as possible and I have lost lifetime friends because I can't spend hours on the phone or always going places with them. You can only handle hearing I wasted my life so many times. People need to accept choices have consequences.

 

[Otage]

but why do people feel that you need to be sexually compatible you can have a great relationship and not be sexually compatible but you can be over time its just no one I will it give it a change. one of the girls i know was talking about is guy she was seeing she was up set that they had 3 dates and he has not made a move on her he say he wants to go slow after a while they did have sex then she dumped him saying the sex was just ok but not good she was not willing to wait to see if he could or would improve she through away a good nice guy like he was trash all because they were not sexually compatible it the time that's wrong if she had taken the time she could have taught him how to improve

If you get along with someone and learn to love him, but you are not intimate, to me that sounds like a good dear friend. People usually like and want sex, and to many that is part of relationship.

But with your friend, one bad sex may just be case of nervousness, so yeah, she may had given him another chance. But some times bad sex reveals there is really no lust between two. That there is no spark. And by my experience that is quite bad ollment for relationship.

I know sexually active guy who is in relationship with asexual guy. The sexually active guy is allowed to have sex with other guys, since his guy don't do sex. They are happy and it works for them. Wouldn't work for me, since I want sex, and I feel like relationship is commitment and you don't have sex outside of it. But I don't jugde them, they seem happy.

 

[Stonecold]

Otage, You may have just hit the nail on the head with your insight. I think it makes sense that the people not into relationships are looking for full out lustful sex constantly and that would require new guys on a continuing basis. I say more power to them if that is what they want. I think two people that truly love each other will communicate and that will lead them to fullfilling each other needs. I have known a couple where one or the other was not willing to do this and in such cases it dooms the relationship. I think if they truly were soul mates that would have not been a problem.

 

[Otage]

Well I wouldn't everybody not into relationships are looking just for sex. It's quite a generalisation.

And have to admit that I personally some times tend get bit cynical when talking about apps, since there are lot of those guys looking only sex, with no chance for anything else. But they are easy to spot, and focus on what you look for. I've found so many great people, and some have been potential relationship material, some just good times, and with few I've had a relationship. One who seeks, may find. Some find without seeking, but I wouldn't place my bets on that. Look for what you want, so does the majority of people.

 

[Stonecold]

You have to keep to what you’re comfortable with, and don’t feel like you have to keep up with what everyone else is or is not doing. If you’re seeking intimacy, go about it in a tactful way. Don’t be like “here’s a picture of my genitals, let’s meet up!” you kind of have to become the type of guy you’re looking for in order to attract that guy. Really be open to pursuing a relationship, regardless of the fact that there is an endless stream of hot guys out there to hook up with.
(Grindr, Tinder, Scruff, etc) are allowing us to passively seek out sexual encounters, brush each other aside, and create an environment in which partners seems disposable, replaceable.
If you want to find love, if you truly want romance, don’t go looking to a sex app to find it.