The problem is, that my guy doesn't believe talking about sex.. it works, or it doesn't, and man that there have been some kinky stuff with other guys that I have done, and miss does things.
But, we really have to talk about things. Sex isn't everything, but this lack of sexual passion has lately been a issue behind the scenes. I mean, I'm not ready to give up good sex:/
"Sex isn't everything" for
some people, but for
you it may indeed be "everything", and you need to get very clear and honest with yourself on this point before you can make any further progress with this man. Our community is not immune from non-productive judgement, some of which we internalize and act on (contrary to our best interests and those of our partner).
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being highly sexed, and needing great sex to be happy in a relationship. Some of us are willing to sacrifice perfect sex, to varying degrees, in exchange for other elements we may come to depend on in a partner (affection, emotional security, friendship, etc). These things are not mutually exclusive: you can get satisfying sex AND all the other benefits from some long term partners, if you are lucky and find the right match. But such perfect matches are not as common as we'd like to believe, straight or gay. More often then not, we compromise: the lover who is endlessly hot in bed might be useless at anything else, the lover who pushes all your friendship and deep affection buttons may be dull under the sheets. Some simply aren't wired to sustain passionate, monogamous sexual interest in one person beyond a certain amount of time: no matter how much affection and attraction is involved boredom sets in, and sexual boredom is deadly if you cannot honestly work thru it together.
Other factors external to the relationship come into play. Some of the amazing members who contribute excellent advice on this forum live in countries where finding a gay partner is difficult, so they have much more motivation and stake to compromise, and make an imperfect relationship work for them. The experience and wisdom they share is always enlightening and valuable, but may not apply universally (just as my opinions could never be universal- each relationship is individual).
Those who live in countries like UK or USA, where the next hot cock is just minutes away on Grindr, often have more complicated feelings about relationships and more difficulty tolerating problems, especially sexual disappointments. When you've spent your adult gay life in an environment where experienced, skilled sexual partners are easily available it severely reduces your ability to cope with sexual frustration in a "closed" relationship. Your cock wants what its used to: variety and heated passion. Getting involved in a deeper long-term commitment may satisfy your heart and soul, but perhaps not your cock: the two sides can suffer a disconnect that isn't always easy or possible to bridge.
Relationships are thrilling at first: sheer attraction and excitement of discovery can power you thru a year or so. But then you start seeing each other more clearly, the romance element wears off, and it becomes more work. Whether the effort is worth it depends on the compromises you can live with. It has been my experience that men don't change their inherent sexual nature: they either have the "it factor" that keeps things fresh with their partner, or they don't. They're invested in getting their partner off, or they're more self-centered. They're imaginative and open to experiments, or prefer the basics in the same manner every time. There's no "wrong" or "right" involved: it simply comes down to compatibility. No amount of role playing, toys, games, or three-ways will solve such an incompatibility, if it is the crux of the matter.
So don't let resentment build up: its poisonous. Find a way to communicate with your partner, despite his reluctance to talk about such things. You MUST work thru this together: if he shuts down and refuses to talk about about it, no solution is possible. You need to know NOW if he has any unexplored desires (or is intrigued by yours), is willing to joyfully explore ways to keep the spark alive, and considers sexual reinvention a fun aspect of monogamy. If he reacts with annoyance or tries to make you feel guilty for broaching such questions, your relationship will need to be renegotiated: perhaps you transition to non-sexual status, or you become lifelong occasional "fuck buddies", or you have external playmates while keeping this relationship your primary focus. Total mutual honesty is key: if you can respect each others priorities and trust your affection, you will find a satisfying path to whatever relationship you were meant to have.
Hope you are able to figure things out soon, then enjoy each other for years to come. Good luck!
? Or alternatively how long you can keep him on the edge without 
