So me and my boyfriend have decided to stop anal for a bit or maybe for a long while because I don't like always being bottom and he doesn't want to bottom so I'm not going to force him.
I was afraid this was the case in your previous thread, since you are now confirming it my opinion is stronger than ever: this is a huge red flag that the relationship may be doomed. The thing with anal is, the people who like it and need it, REALLY like it and need it: it isn't as negotiable as it often appears. When we first meet someone, and sparks fly, and they seem amazing, it can blind us to some things that become obstacles a short time later. One of these obstacles is anal incompatibility: a relationship between two tops or two bottoms is very VERY hard to make a success of. It rarely works, because those who like being fucked or fucking don't just want it, they CRAVE it.
Your age has some impact on whether you can make a "two tops" relationship work or not. If you are young, it is almost impossible: hormones rage and eventually win out, you both need to fuck somebody regularly or you'll get immensely frustrated. Young men who crave fucking other men cannot be satisfied by blow jobs or hand jobs or frot or anything else: those activities are fun foreplay, but not what they need to feel completely relieved sexually. Top-oriented men need to feel that sense of total sexual dominance that can only be realized by throwing another guy on the bed and fucking him silly.
As we get a little older and have 10 years experience, the hormones subside a little, and we gain a bit more control over our urges. We understand ourselves more, and our priorities of what we need in a relationship may evolve. When older, if we meet an amazing partner who makes us feel more happy and alive, we have the emotional resources to compromise on sex more successfully. Such relationships can thrive on a sex life that doesn't involve anal, because that "itch" was scratched with a series of previous partners and is no longer an obsession. The other qualities we appreciate in our partner can compensate for the loss of anal.
But in our teens and twenties? forget it: if you wanna fuck, you wanna fuck, and nothing else matters. Anyone who says otherwise is deluding themselves. Yes, I have met some very mature 20 year olds who were able to make compromises with the right partner, but that is pretty rare. One generally doesn't gain control over the urge to fuck ass until their thirties. I hate to burst anyone's romantic bubble, because I'm a huge romantic myself, but better to be truthful on these matters than waste time in a relationship thats doomed to fail.
But what else can we do in the bedroom apart from the obvious blowjobs?
Not a hell of a lot. Sex is what it is. You can suck, fuck, rub against each other, use your hands, use your tongue, and thats about it. If only one of those things really gets you off, you need that thing to be happy, or the relationship can't work. What others have said about doing those things with more creativity, and involving elements like role play, is very true: sex starts in the head. Unconscious (and conscious) fantasies, kinks and fetishes explored with a compatible partner are some of the greatest benefits of long term relationships and intimacy/trust built up over time. But it is difficult or impossible to reach that point with a partner who cannot satisfy your most basic sexual need.
If you need to fuck him, and he isn't into that, you have a serious problem that won't go away with time: it will only get more frustrating. The same applies to oral or frot or rimming or whatever: it requires an enthusiastic partner. A grudging or unwilling partner inevitably disappoints, no matter how wonderful you get along in other areas of life.
You've told us you only see this guy twice a month when he comes into town. So this is more-or-less a fairly casual relationship where you are not heavily involved: you enjoy each other physically when the opportunity arises. This takes some of the pressure off: you aren't about to marry each other, so perhaps you can find ways to have fun without anal, while not building up resentment toward each other. You could agree to have anal play with other people, perhaps. But here again, cir
stances can complicate matters: if you live in a small town or country where you're the only two gays available to each other within 100 miles, things will be more difficult and resentment may build up from the lack of anal. Tough situation.
