I would add to your list the love of self. If I can't love, respect, and forgive myself and acknowledge all the things that make up "me", then I will place on other people the burden of making me feel whole. (Or get that good feeling from food, clothes, gadgets, alcohol, drugs, or.. yes even porn.)
As I think about your question, the picture that comes to mind is a series of concentric circles - like the ripples that form on a still pond when you throw a pebble.
- I am at the center. When I am at peace with myself I am in the best position to extend love to others.
- Right outside of my circle is my partner (thinking back to the time when he was alive). We were committed to encourage and be loyal to each other above all other claims on our hearts.
- Next are my children. I protect them and do everything possible to launch them successfully into the world. That includes stepping back and giving them more freedom as they get older, and eventually releasing them to their own lives and families. (Sometimes love consists of letting go, which can be very hard to do.) I find that as my mother ages she is moving more into this circle as I take on more responsibility to help her.
- Outside of the household are the close members of my extended "tribe". This is my sisters and their husbands and children, and my close friends who have seen each other through many tough (and happy) times. We "circle the wagons" whenever someone in this group needs help and join together to celebrate holidays and personal milestones.
- The next circle contains the "outer members" of my tribe. They are my colleagues that I work for and with, professional partnerships, members of my church, and people with whom I volunteer. We work on projects together, respect each other, willingly help each other out. We are joined in a common purpose and identity.
- Everybody else.
My goal is to "work the circles" and keep pushing love and respect farther and farther out to the edges - but while still respecting my responsibilities in each inner circle. You might think that it would be harder to love in the outer circles, but for me I find that the more love I give to an inner circle, the more empowered I am to extend further out. To look at it from the other direction, whenever I ignore loving in an inner circle and try to just focus on an outer one, I soon run dry and feel cut off from the source of love.
That's my thought for today, at least.
