Perhaps you are more of a natural "bottom"?
He has said before that he doesn't really see himself as a bottom instead he sees me as the perfect bottom.
This could be a very big factor in why you have difficulty
ming inside him: you simply might not have the instinctive desire to top, and without that urge to drive you,
ming that way will be difficult. Or, he may not really be into bottoming, which would take some of the fun out of it when you top. These days, everyone seems to pattern their sex lives after porn, where all the guys are "versatile" (swapping top and bottom roles). But that isn't necessarily the natural inclination for everyone in real life: most of us tend to intuitively get off more on one or the other, not both. Swapping is lovely if you are both truly versatile, but if one of you lacks the instinctive "topping" urge it isn't going to be entirely successful.
Sexual personality conflicts also come into play. Most of us lean more toward top or bottom, but are adaptable if our partner is able to stimulate our more "dormant" side. In my own case, I instinctively identify as a bottom, and that is what gets me off during a wank. But the partners I attract are almost always bottoms who assume I'm top and view me that way. After awhile, I learned to enjoy topping, and easily
that way.
However, my ability to top is HIGHLY dependent on my partner's sexual attitude: if he is a bossy, insistent, jaded "power bottom" with a "fuck me RIGHT NOW" approach, it ain't gonna happen. For me to top in a manner that both of us will enjoy, my partner has to be more subtle. There is a fine line between feeling your partner is hungry for you to fuck them as part of their overall response to you, and feeling they have no other use for you aside from wanting you to fuck them. Personally, I don't get off on being used as a living dildo, or pressured into feeling I'm not "man enough" if I don't rape them as soon as I walk in the door.
As another example, I have a good friend who has your same issue of not being able to
while topping. His sexuality is almost entirely focused on giving oral pleasure to a partner: he loves to suck, and gets off while doing so. But as luck would have it, he projects a very "straight" image, and due to this he primarily attracts all manner of eager bottoms (but very few guys who want to be orally serviced by him). He has adapted to this somewhat, since almost everyone he attracts either wants to suck him for hours or wants him to fuck them all night. They have a grand time with him, because he can stay hard and keep going forever, but deep down he is very dis-satisfied because he is not getting what he really needs: to suck them off. He can fuck for hours only because *it doesn't really get him off*.
Long story short: stop, take a breath, and look honestly into your sexual heart. When you think of having sex with your partner, what act or role immediately comes to mind as a turn on? If topping him isn't the first or second thing that pops into your head as "hot", then thats your answer: topping simply doesn't get you off to the point of
ming (at least not with this man). Relax, and take the pressure off yourself. Since he has told you he thinks of you as more of a bottom, maybe you can agree that you won't top him every time you get together? He might not even need you to top at all: ask him what he feels is necessary to be satisfied.
Of course, if you DO enjoy the act of topping him, and it DOES really turn you on, the problem could be his "bottoming" ability (if NEITHER of you truly wants to bottom, and BOTH want to top, the relationship can't work). But if he's receptive to being topped, and you want to top him, don't pressure yourself to
inside him. Some guys, even exclusive tops, have difficulty
ming that way. If you are young, and relatively new to having sex with a partner, or have been out of circulation awhile, or live in an area where partners are scarce, it can take a long time to switch your brain over to the different sensations involved. Many men become subconsciously addicted to triggering their orgasm by wanking in a certain way, which can make getting off with a partner rather challenging.
Over time, you can explore and learn different ways to trigger your orgasm, but not everybody reacts the same way to every stimulation. You may find you just can't reach that final trigger while topping: if so that is perfectly normal. Some guys can't come from oral, or a handjob, or whatever. Doesn't mean you can't enjoy the activity for what it is, just means you need to do something else when you want to
. With the right partner, these differences can be an advantage, because you might last a long time at something they enjoy!
Its all good: just relax and be happy. p
