So it's Friday.
The end of the week.
Today, C and I got on with business as usual. So now I've stopped being mean. I've been trying to be professional and only talk about work. I'm very conscious of the boundaries and even if I'm not, I try to err on the side of caution. It's been like this all week.
He however is the exact opposite. Always being friendly and informal. He looks at me like a dog looks at a bone. He smiles with his eyes. Every morning he's asking me how my evening was, who I was with and what I was up to. I respond minimally and Change the subject. At one point today we had some success on some small thing and he touched me. He put his hand on my thigh, kept it there a little longer than expected and slowly slid it off looking straight into my eyes.
I have a DSLR that I was asked to bring into work by a colleague. Some marketing guys were taking shots of the office and staff for our website. I didn't want to take any of the pictures myself but they were struggling to handle the device. I agreed to take a few pictures. C wanted to pose for a few shots just as I was asked to take them. So there I was zooming in, asking him to smile and taking those shots. He was posing, smiling, doing the look, doing what he does best, selling himself. I was sold. I wanted to put my arms around him, hold him, smell him. Suddenly everyone decided to call it a day and hit the bar for some drinks. We kinda finished early so I couldn't say no. C kept his distance at first. We all had a few drinks in our groups. I had another. Then another. One by one the rest of the team left. In the end the only two people left were me and C. Was it awkward? Not really. I was drunk. I was looking at him. He was looking at me. My eyes were saying I want you. My posture was saying no way am I going there. I never need to initiate conversation with him, he just jumps right in. So there we were, exactly where it all happened all alone again. A complete rerun. He leans forward, gets close, starts to talk. He looks right into my eyes and for the first time in weeks I look right into his. My glass is empty and I wanna head home but he's gone and returns in an instant with my drink, my usual. It would be so rude and such a waste to not drink it. I like beer, he likes cocktails. I can't remember the conversation exactly but he got closer and closer, all I did was smile, nod, agree. Every part of me wanted to reach forward. He got as close as was reasonable. He didn't blink, neither did I. He wanted to melt me so he just smiled. I closed my eyes. I wanted to let gravity, inertia, whatever you want to call it to take place. Then I opened my eye. He was looking back exactly as I imagined he would be. Nothing was said. I picked up my drink. Gulped it down. Got up, gave him a salute and walked out.
