Did "life" get better when you went out of "the closet?"

[wowts2nw]

Did "life" get better when you went out of "the closet?"

I was just wondering how did you feel after you were out?
Revealing your a homosexual to friends, family, and etc is such a major step.
Unfortunately, I'm still inside that so called closet. I can't seem to have the courage or strength to come out or will I ever? (yes, I know its sad xD).
Every time my mother asks, "Are you gay?" or "Do you like men or women?" I just deny it or say I'm not interested. I just don't know what's wrong with me but its freaking hard admitting the truth.

 

[jw4833]

Actually, yes it did. I felt as if a burden had lifted up off of me. Although this is something that I don't advertise to whomever, but for myself, it was such a release to be able to accept myself as a gay man instead of being in denial.

 

[c750dt]

Coming out of the closet made it easier to get laid. That's about the only change I've noticed. I'm lucky to live in a mostly gay-friendly city.

 

[gtsrulez]

absolutely yes! there's very little life in the closet...

 

[Glitch]

It made me happier. I guess it did make my life a bit easier because I didn't have to sneak around and make up excuses about where I was going and what I was doing; but most of all I was a lot happier. Now I have a really great boyfriend and my life kicks ass.

 

[sephreniax2]

I think I'm halfway out of the closet. Some people know and some people don't. I don't make it a point to tell people unless they ask because it's none of their business.

I will say it got much better for me when I told my best friend (the first person I ever told). There were just so many things I wanted to share and I felt like I couldn't. These things kind of just built up inside of me and it made me really depressed, angry, and all these confusing feelings until I finally just told someone.

On the other hand, don't feel like you have to tell someone or that you're not brave enough or whatnot. When you're ready you will and everyone will still love you for it.

 

[topdog]

Did life get better? In the long term - yes, absolutely. In the short term - no.

I was 30 when I came out. My family is conservative Christian and I worked at a church. To say that I lost everything would be overly dramatic - but a year later I moved to a different city to start life over again. Twenty years later, my mother is still praying that I will repent. My sisters and brother (and their spouses) are mixed. Some accept me as I am; others avoid the topic.

The bottom line is that the people who love and respect you will make the transition; you just have to love and respect them enough to tell them the truth. Others you may have to let go, but if they don't respect you they weren't worth keeping.

As for coming out to colleagues and acquaintances, I have found that if I get it out there at the first opportunity and treat it as no big deal, that puts people at ease. If you waffle on the initial "So, are you single or married?" question, it becomes harder and harder to correct the assumption that you are straight. Your comfort (or lack of it) will cue others how to talk about it.

Of course some are bigoted. But I figure that I have my own blind spots and I wouldn't want people tip-toeing around me because of them.

 

[jakes2]

Coming out at least brought me freedom from having to continue keeping secrets. My father asked me if I was gay one night at dinner when I was 18. I nearly choked, but
I told him the truth. He asked me to move out and I was out of his house within the month.

It took a few years but my father and I mended our relationship and we became closer as the years went on. That was thirty years ago. I know that for many this is much easier today, but one only need read of the tragic suicides of a few young people to know there is still room for improvement. It is worth the risk to come out. You may encounter difficulties initially but you gain strength and self respect.

We have to be honest with ourselves. To not be so, creates conflict and unhappiness.

 

[samos]

Initially, like the first two weeks? no. After that, absolutely yes.

That was 20+ years ago now and while I don't broadcast my sexuality I don't lie about it either. Yes, my life definitely got better.

 

[mipsub]

I came out when I was 14, which is not exactly when your peers are the most understanding. Yeah it made life out in the world a bit difficult. However it made me feel better about myself. It made me more comfortable being me!

 

[OceanJeff37]

I told my parents when I was 18, and my two girlfriends were on the phone in my bedroom...just waltzed in and told them. Initially they were upset, but loved me still.

My father has never fully had a great relationship with me.

I would not say that coming out changed very much at my house while growing up.

I didn't move out until I was 28.

Honestly, I don't think that it mattered much.

What really mattered A LOT, was MOVING OUT ! LOL

Seriously though, my life improved when I moved out of my parent's house, and then it improved again, when my brother had a child.

Because for the first time, it was grandpa, grandma, and uncle jeff, taking care of my brother's kid all together ! My brother is the black sheep of the family...right now he's in jail, and he has a domestic violence on his record, and he just got over withdrawls from pain pills and alcohol...it almost killed him. BUT, he did give us, my wonderful niece.

So, that's how my life got better.

In the very short term, I think that coming out was negative experience, but in long term, there's more of a sense of WHO CARES WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT.

I will admit that I'm not as close to my family as I would like to be, or maybe I am....but I am grateful, that they still want me to be part of their family. I've heard horror stories.

If your parents are ASKING if you are gay, then they want to know, they just want to be friends...in that part of your life. YES IT SEEMS WEIRD, but it's really awesome in the long run...and NO, it doesn't mean they'll try to set you up...gay friends will do that. They will be your parents, the same as always.

If they are anything like my wonderful parents...even my dad...whom I sent to jail on his birthday, the last year that I lived with them.

Take care,

jeff c

P.S. I kinda of cried while writing this...I love this forum.

 

[umpalumpa]

It was better yeah of course. Since then I can talk more about my feelings, about sex and other things.
Specially with my bro who is luckily gay too

 

[wablood]

Coming out was an emotionally turbulent time, but once that stabilized, YES life started getting much better. Deciding not to hide a part of myself from the world was extremely liberating.

 

[gazugaz]

hell, yes

 

[Steffrecept]

Well, everybody in this world knew I was\am "gay" since my childhood so...I never had to "come out". They even knew it even before me myself...the worst thing was to know the fact some people doesn't like what you are, but to hell with all of them! :rofl:

 

[Baron V.]

For me, I wouldn't safe that life particularly got better. I'd say it got easier. When I was closeted, I stayed to myself, didn't have many friends, didn't let people in or get to know me. I, basically, stayed in my room all the time by myself. After I came out, the shy boy I once was disappeared. I became outgoing, started going out, made a bunch or friends, stopped caring about what others thought about me. I became comfortable in my own skin because I didn't have to hide anymore. Hell, I even started singing (something I've always loved to do but never let anyone know I could do). Coming out gave me a confidence that I'm so glad I have today! So life gets easier and if you want to say that it gets better then it works too.

 

[loveless92]

still haven't told my parents, but I've told some of my friends and yeah, so far it's better.

 

[john7611]

No. Socially, my life became worse, specifically with family. But where family wasn't concerned, I gained as many acquaintances as I had lost/repelled -- I had evolved as a person and it helped form my social behavior. It made it "easier" to be me, despite who liked and disliked.

Such situations in life are unavoidable, this world isn't perfect and it never will be. It's an impossible thing to expect. That's just the way love goes. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

 

[clh_hilary]

I guess I'm one of the luckiest ones that never got bullied or really discriminated against for my sexuality. I don't realy consider my sexual orientation a secret, thus I never make it a big deal to tell the others about that, but somehow I'll also find some ways and opportunities to notify the others of it without making it sounds like a big thing. It's just like telling others what my age is for me. 'Others' includes my friends, my schoolmates, my co-workers and even my teachers. I've always been kinda strong, determined and self-centred myself (not that it's an absolute good thing) so I guess that's one of the reasons of me never to be bullied -- because I never allow myself to be victimized, never hide or run away, and never afraid or feel ashamed of my sexuality. Somehow my schoolmates back from secondary school/high school had always been interested in my love/sex life. There have always been rumors flying around about me, but none that I consider as being discriminative against my sexuality. I did try to accuss Red Cross as being discriminative by not allowing my blood to be donated because I fuck guys, but I do realize that it wasn't homophobia for them, it's more like following international policies. I was simply trying everything to make them change back then.

However, I never really come out to my family. I don't lie and actually they caught me once with my boyfriend in my home. Of course they saw nothing but they did suspect my sexuality for quite a while. I basically respond to nothing (as many teenagers would do when their parents talk to them lol) and my mother (at first, she just told me that there's no such thing as right or wrong in the world -- I guess she's trying not to make me feel ashamed; my father said nothing and my brother didn't know what's going on at all) just went into denial and rationalization then. So it's not really a topic for discussions in my family -- I do think they'd be opened enough to that, I just don't really feel like it to talk about my love/sex life with my family. And I'm only 19.

 

[ritsuka]

Of course coming out made it possible to pursue relationships and live openly, which was much better; and my friends were great about it. Since I didn't pass as straight, "family" and other nasty people already disliked and labeled me before that anyway.