hookups with strangers...dangerous ??

[workinprogress]

as someone very new to this and approaching a first encounter, how do you more experienced guys manage the risks in meeting a total stranger for sex...ie its a stranger......unknown location etc.....no photo to judge..via the internet, most gay hookups go like this (i guess?)...how does it all work out overall....the muscle bound elephant hung 25 year old black stud turns out to be a very fat 65 year old white guy. fine if thats what you were led to expect but a nightmare if not !!! if i terrorise myself anymore with these kind of thoughts, i might go back in the closet and weld the door shut !!! HELP !!

 

[topdog]

First of all, your physical safety is priority number one. You don't compromise on that. Meet publicly; bring a friend if you want; whatever you need to asses this person. I'm sure others will have good suggestions.

Beyond that - even with the best information, chemistry and attraction are always a gamble; and of course much more so if the other person is not honest about who they are or what they want. Just take that in stride. If you don't like the guy, you can always leave. It becomes part of your experience and makes you wiser about who you are. Maybe you will learn something new about sex or different kinds on sexual energy.

One thing is certain - you have to be willing to risk bad sex to get good sex. As you get more experience, you will find it easier to predict the outcome.

On a side note - why are you meeting someone with no picture? Who, in this day and age does not have a photo they can share? Maybe they don't want to post their photo on a public site, but in that case ask them to send it privately to you before any discussion of meeting in person.

 

[jw4833]

I will share an incident that occurred with me many years ago...and then I will share an incident that resulted in a very tragic situation for one of my best friends. First, my story. There was this really hot guy that I would see daily in the diner that was next door to the company where I was employed at the time and he was always there with a nice looking lady. For some reason, this couple made a point to get my attention in order to say good morning or wave as I walked by. This daily greeting was initiated by the guy and the lady would follow suit. Well, a few months later, I had went to one of the local gay clubs to meet a friend. I had arrived at the club before my friend whom by the way...never showed up after he had begged me to meet him out. However, while ordering a drink at the bar, I felt this tap on my shoulder and to my surprise, it was this guy from the diner. He was standing there with this huge smile on his face and he grabbed me and gave me this huge hug. He spoke of how surprised he was to see me there in a gay club and I did the same to him. He led me over to a dark corner in the seating area that was located off the main floor of the club and we preceded to have a conversation where he had revealed to me how he had this crush on me despite having a wife. After a couple of drinks, he then shared with me that he and his wife's relationship was falling apart...Imagine that!!!!...Wonder why????....haha... Anyway, after sharing his story, he grabbed me and started kissing me for a long time. He then asked if he could go home with me. I agreed to take him home....he was really seductive and quite sexy to say the least. In fact, he performed a very sexy striptease for me before we got busy. Everything was going great, he was very sensual until he tried to dominate me into letting him screw me. This is not something that I indulge in unless I'm in a committed relationship and in love with that person. Unfortunately, this guy would not take "no" for an answer and decided to get physically violent with me. Things resulted into the two of us getting into a naked brawl where punches were being thrown. He tried to pin me down and threaten to beat me to a pulp. I managed to reach for the pistol that I had hidden under the mattress and I pointed it at his face where he got scared and jumped off of me. He then begged me not to shoot and I kicked him out of my place butt naked. I threw his clothes at him and told him that I was going to call the police and he was running for his life. I never saw him again...not even sitting in the diner with his "wife". For me, this was a lesson learned.

Unfortunately, for one of my closest friends, his encounter with a stranger resulted into him being killed in his home. My friend Tony had told me about this guy that he met on a chat line and how he was going to invite him over to his place. I begged him not to do it and that myself and the rest of the group wanted to meet this guy before he took that step. Nonetheless, Tony met this guy without letting us know and he took this guy home and after they had sex, this guy had beaten and strangled him to his death. No one heard from Tony for a few days which was odd due to the fact that he and I talked daily several times a day. When I went to his place after he did not return any our phone calls, there was music blasting very loudly and he was answering the door. I then contacted the police and once they broke down the door, there Tony was lying naked on the floor, beaten very badly and with a necktie around his neck.

Due to Tony's death being gay related, the police investigation ended very quickly with no closure. It was almost ten years later that the guy who killed Tony turned himself in to the police and confessed to killing Tony. He also revealed that since he had become a born again Christian, he had to speak the truth in order to be cleansed of his sins. So there...I know this post is very long winded but my words are important and very relevant to this topic of discussion. Hopefully, my post will help whomever read it make rational and careful decisions when it comes to hooking up with strangers...

 

[zucchero81]

You just have to be smart about meeting people. Random hookups are always risky so you have to protect yourself. Do NOT meet anyone without some proof they are who they say they are.

With technology these days, it's easy to sort out the fakes from the real guys, Agree to meet in public and/or ask the guy to video chat with you. Then at least you can see if he's telling the truth about himself.

Trust your instincts too. If the guy's behaviour seems weird or off, best steer clear.

 

[dargelos]

There's bad luck and there's very bad luck and there's what happened to jw4823. That's a warning of how badly things can go wrong. The usual good advice about knowing that he is who he says he is was no help in this terrible situation. Fortunately, disasters like that are rare, very rare. It's impossible to remove all risk from life without making it like a padded cell, which isn't really living. You could meet a dangerous man anywhere, bus stop, pizza joint, petrol station, jobcentre. A date is no more or less safe than anything else that's worth doing and safer than it is when a woman meets a man.
When topdog says "you have to be willing to risk bad sex to get good sex" no truer words have been said. I promise you the good times are so good, they make it worth putting up with the bad times.
Just keep plenty credit on your phone and leave your solid gold Rolex at home.

 

[tonka]

It seems like you're just starting out.
Can I suggest something from left field ( as we Americans say)?
Hire a rent boy. Someone experienced who will work with you...maybe find your inexperience a pleasant change.
Yes it's $ 200+, but all the anxiety of a regular encounter is gone. It's about you, and your needs and wants. That physical encounter can clarify what you really like. It's very different from the fantasies in your head.

 

[dargelos]

That's an innovative suggestion. I've never paid for a hooker though I did once entertain one off duty. I wouldn't have paid cashmoney for him, but I expect when they're on duty they have professional standards to uphold and put a lot more effort into the job. At a total guess I expect the young and pretty escorts who trade soley on looks are not what you need, while it's one who's been round the block a few times who compensates by spending more time to ensure the customer gets a completely satisfying service.
Does anyone out there know how the UK rent scene works today?

 

[theseeker]

Hookers?? Aren't they often illegal and full of STDs (especially AIDS)??!!

And I'm sorry for asking, do all gay hookups only consist of sex? Like, there's no dating scene or something like that, like at least get to know the person you're fucking? Seems rather superficial to me, and extremely prone to getting STDs (especially the worst kinds).

 

[dargelos]

When you call an escort agency you are paying for the benefit of his (or her) friendly personality for the evening and some customers do ask for nothing more than that. If then when you're alone together you want go further and have sex that is a private matter and no concern of the government. That's how it's not illegal.

 

[tonka]

There's dating and there's hookups. If you're meeting a stranger using a cellphone app,
it's not a date. It's sex with a stranger. It might to lead to a date or not.

As for stds. Your average rent probably gets tested for hiv way more often than the average guy you meet on scruff. If he is poz, he's more likely to be on meds and have a low viral load.
The rentboy profiles have a safe sex box. If he checks always, it's a good sign.

If you have a lot of sex with random guys, your risk goes up. If you don't protect yourself, your risk goes way up. It's up to you to have the knowledge, and act accordingly.

 

[dargelos]

So now you know about rent boys.
Another option for the apprehensive newbie is the men-only sauna.
Here is a story, a true sauna story. This boy who works in a betting shop is telling anybody who'll listen about his weekend. He starts by stressing that he isn't gay, though at no time does he say he's straight either. As some kind of self-imposed dare, he visits the obviously gay Top 2 Bottom sauna (it's now called h2o)(and he's not gay himself, you understand, but "he has ne problem with them what are"). The small gym is where most of his time is spent, then he enjoys the actual sauna and jaccuzi. Downstairs is a dark maze where men dressed in towels bump into one another as they get tangled in the labyrinth. He described this bit so well that I knew his account was genuine, and again, he thought it was fun, while keeping his boxers on at all times as a precaution. Being young and fit, he got lots of admiring glances, but now the moral of the story. Nobody tried to touch him up, nobody was trying to get anything from him, he wanted to be left alone, he was, and was rewarded with a positive impression of the not-actually-weird gay world.
At the other sauna in town, some of the customers like to do no more than sit in the cinema wanking away at the porn films. Perhaps the wife complains if they watch 'Bareback Seminary Jizzboys' at home while she's trying to watch 'Cash in the Attic'. They're enjoying themselves, that's all that matters. Those with raunchier tastes can try the sling and the glory holes. Different strokes. When I say nobody has to do anything, there is one thing everybody has to do, which to undress and wear a towel, apart from that, no pressure, the rest is up to you.

 

[norvehc]

I'm a bi guy with a few regular fuckbuddies and playmates that I meet fairly often. Most of them I've known now for many years. But they were all once strangers to me. A stranger is very often just a friend you haven't met yet. Don't give up on this. Use your common sense and follow the guide lines that others have posted on this thread. Keep yourself safe, be selective and cautious and friendly .. and you will be fine.

 

[dummaque]

I've had less than 10, more than 5 hook ups in the past 2.5 years. Some were through apps (Growlr, Jackd, Scruff), and a couple through Craigslist. My personal preference is to meet dudes that are in hotel rooms (unpredictable witnesses in the hallway, front desk staff seeing you come in, anything too loud like a victim screaming bloody murder would get the attention of neighbors, etc), I never consume any proffered drinks, and before meeting up, I'm pretty clear about what I'm interested in. A good suggestion is to have a "hook-up buddy", that is, a friend who knows where you are going, and what to do if they don't hear back from you after X time has passed.

 

[dargelos]

Certainly a safe bet but could work out very costly if you to pay for a hotel room each time. Or maybe you find men with expense accounts who can charge the room.
But what a great idea for a smartphone application- *Hookup Buddy* enables your phone to discreetly monitor how your date is going. If things start going badly it calls a friend for you. If things begin to go really badly it automaticly calls the cops. Could be a winner.

 

[antoineee]

I believe we all have done it at least once, but is true, I rather meet the person in a public place, a coffee maybe and always trust your instincts, I have turned down people because I just feel it, something is not fine.