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T
Tom
Guest
Flodder
Kai
Stop that, or I will personally have to come over there and:butslap: you!
And you have to treat me to some currywurst, I really want to try that! And after that weinerschnitzel! I loved the weinerschnitzel!
Then we can have some fun with schlagaber. I'm sure I'm spelling it wrong, but for an American it's just really fun to say, schlagaber!
S
smallsleepyrascalcat
Guest
I think he means Schlagobers,,, that's how the Austrians (funny people) call Schlagsahne (whipped cream for all not german speaking guys)
@Tom But then you have to try Currywurst twice for there are different kinds of making them. In Berlin the style is different from my area.
I tried both and I like both... but I prefer the style they use here
T
Tom
Guest
Yes, I meant Schlagober, whip cream, and I remember the word was only used in the very south or Austria.
I also wish to try the other dish you talk about ?curryklops?
And the rolls, Oh, so fabulous. Hard on the outside. Yummy!
I also wish to try the other dish you talk about ?curryklops?
And the rolls, Oh, so fabulous. Hard on the outside. Yummy!
I think he means Schlagobers,,, that's how the Austrians (funny people) call Schlagsahne (whipped cream for all not german speaking guys)
@Tom But then you have to try Currywurst twice for there are different kinds of making them. In Berlin the style is different from my area.
I tried both and I like both... but I prefer the style they use here
B
Bo.
Guest
T
Tom
Guest
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1.. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!
3..Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.
6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
9. Sing Along At The Opera.
10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache..
11.When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.
1.. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!
3..Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.
6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
9. Sing Along At The Opera.
10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache..
11.When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.
T
Tom
Guest
T
Tom
Guest
slimjim
Super Vip
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2008
- Messages
- 91,547
- Reaction score
- 174,527
- Points
- 208
Tom... your list prompted me to look for this gem:
This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:
Dear Mrs. Murray,
While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5.. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.
7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the anti-depressants were.
10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.
12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'
13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'
And; last, but not least:
14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'
Yours sincerely,
Charles Brown
Store Manager
This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:
Dear Mrs. Murray,
While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5.. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.
7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the anti-depressants were.
10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.
12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'
13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'
And; last, but not least:
14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'
Yours sincerely,
Charles Brown
Store Manager
T
Tom
Guest
OMG Slimjim,
I really hurt myself laughing so hard. Especially line 14.
Those are absolutely fanastic!!
I really hurt myself laughing so hard. Especially line 14.
Those are absolutely fanastic!!
taurus2904
Obstinatician
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2009
- Messages
- 2,972
- Reaction score
- 179
- Points
- 0
Inexperienced chili taster
INEXPERIENCED CHILI TASTER
The following notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster, Frank, while visiting Texas from St. Louis:
'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.'
Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chili #1 (Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili)
Judge #1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge #2 -- Needs less tomato, but still has a hint of a kick to it.
Judge #3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
Chili #2 (Arthur's Afterburner Chili)
Judge #1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeño tang.
Judge #2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Frank -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
Chili #3 (Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili)
Judge #1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge #2 -- A bean-less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Frank -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. The barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.
Chili #4 (Bubba's Black Magic)
Judge #1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge #2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Frank -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB. wench is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
Chili #5 (Linda's Legal Lip Remover)
Judge #1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge #2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Frank -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
Chili #6 (Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety)
Judge #1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge #2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Frank-- I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut-barmaid Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.
Chili #7 (Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili)
Judge #1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge #2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Frank -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Damn it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
Chili #8 (Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili)
Judge #1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge #2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Frank -- Oh, God...kill me now.
INEXPERIENCED CHILI TASTER
The following notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster, Frank, while visiting Texas from St. Louis:
'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.'
Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chili #1 (Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili)
Judge #1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge #2 -- Needs less tomato, but still has a hint of a kick to it.
Judge #3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
Chili #2 (Arthur's Afterburner Chili)
Judge #1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeño tang.
Judge #2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Frank -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
Chili #3 (Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili)
Judge #1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge #2 -- A bean-less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Frank -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. The barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.
Chili #4 (Bubba's Black Magic)
Judge #1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge #2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Frank -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB. wench is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
Chili #5 (Linda's Legal Lip Remover)
Judge #1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge #2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Frank -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
Chili #6 (Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety)
Judge #1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge #2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Frank-- I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut-barmaid Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.
Chili #7 (Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili)
Judge #1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge #2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Frank -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Damn it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
Chili #8 (Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili)
Judge #1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge #2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Frank -- Oh, God...kill me now.
