Respecting Other Relationships

[Nomad]

If a couple decides to have a monogomous relationship, then it is ultimately up to them to honour that commitment. I think that is pretty safe to assume.

What I don't appreciate are the people out there who make a play for someone that is in a committed relationship. Rating what they want above any respect for someone else's relationship.

Being in a committed relationship, these 'tempters' rank pretty low in my opinion.

But maybe someone else's relationship is not their problem, and they should be free to pursue whomever they want? Seems there are quite a few out there that actively and proudly pursue the forbidden fruit.

But I am very curious what other people think about this....

Nomad

p.s. people seem to have forgiven Angelina Joli for stealing Brad Pitt, if that is any clue to the global morality compass

 

[Bender001]

It all depends why you would do that. If you are doing this just for the sport of it, you really are a douchebag. But if you are in love with someone who is in a committed relationship it would be very difficult not to make a play for someone.

I think the people have forgiven Angelina just because she is more popular now then Jennifer Aniston. I wouldn't compare this to everyday life.

 

[Nomad]

It all depends why you would do that. If you are doing this just for the sport of it, you really are a douchebag. But if you are in love with someone who is in a committed relationship it would be very difficult not to make a play for someone.

That is a good distinction!

My real life situation is this guy who flirts shamelessly with my boyfriend thought it would be fun to send my boyfriend naked and sexual pictures of himself. Clearly the douchbag category.

It is taking all my self control not to post them all over the internet.... :angry: but I thought it wise to do a sanity check here to see if I am overacting, or if I do have good cause for anger. :thinking: Maybe it is just more harmless flirting and I should just let it go.....

 

[Casanova]

When I was in my first relationship, there was this guy who wanted another gay friend to talk to. He was in the closet, and was struggling with his sexuality. Of course I was the shoulder to cry on, and maybe because I was so tender with him he started to develop feelings toward me.

He knew I was in a serious relationship, and that I wasn't interested in him so he never made any direct advances, but he always insinuated that he wished I lived closer to him and that he thought I had a sexy Irish voice, lol.

Of course I wouldn't say he was in the douchebag category, as his hormones was all over the place, but it was extremely disrespectful that he kept on insinuating that he wanted me knowing fully well that I've had someone else and was in a monogamous relationship, but he kept on pursuing.

And that was where I had the issue. He might've fallen for me (note my choice of words - fallen for me, not fallen in love, as falling in love is a two-way thing not one way), but respect plays a higher priority than anything else.

PS... I also took the blame for not being proactive and nipping things at the bud before it did get out of control. I must confess a part of me was flattered that someone else was interested in me, and because of this I still question to this day if I respected my relationship enough for allowing this to linger for so long.

In reply to Nomad's question - you have all right to be annoyed, if he is deliberately sending sexual pictures of himself to your boyfriend, believe me I'd be livid.

 

[jw4833]

I totally agree with you...that is one of my pet peeves is when guys see you with someone and yet, they make advances towards either you or your man despite the fact that you are together. I remember this one guy years ago had been begging me to go out on a date with him and once I agreed, some bitch forced his way between us while we were at dinner at a gay restaurant and preceded to interrupt our conversation and the guy that I was on a date with started flirting with him as well. I politely got up from the table, said goodnight and left the place. He ran after me with the reply that he did that to make me jealous. Well, for me, that little situation just put him back a lot further with me than what he was hoping to get with me because I'm a grown ass man and do not like playing immature games. Now, my late bf did not play that and would check a guy if they disrespect either him or myself in an inappropriate manner. I just feel its disrespectful and inconsiderate..find a man of your own..and if your game is strong enough to disrupt your situation with your man..then its possible that you should consider moving on and letting that go altogether...just my opinion...

 

[jw4833]

If a couple decides to have a monogomous relationship, then it is ultimately up to them to honour that commitment. I think that is pretty safe to assume.

What I don't appreciate are the people out there who make a play for someone that is in a committed relationship. Rating what they want above any respect for someone else's relationship.

Being in a committed relationship, these 'tempters' rank pretty low in my opinion.

But maybe someone else's relationship is not their problem, and they should be free to pursue whomever they want? Seems there are quite a few out there that actively and proudly pursue the forbidden fruit.

But I am very curious what other people think about this....

Nomad

p.s. people seem to have forgiven Angelina Joli for stealing Brad Pitt, if that is any clue to the global morality compass

LOL..you know what??..that is something that I did not forget and that's just show you how people in the world are because I believe in karma, and what goes around, comes around somewhere in the near future. :no:

 

[robertm09]

I agree! But if you decide to have a monogomous relationship nobody else should be a problem! As hard as they try! Unfortunately I experienced the other side. All 3 ex partners cheated! I will be honest to myself forever and be monogomous....

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

Getting this everytime

Me and my dude are not very outspoken when we are in public, however anyone smart enough would easily see that we are always together "ALWAYS", that we get home together, that we get out of the house together and well you get the point. We may not kiss or hold hands in public but any smart dudes would know that something is going on between those two dudes. Yet they'll come to Alex and ask him out or make obvious advances.

Happened once that I really lost it because we had a house party, and well it was at my house, now if you get in my house you immediately know that we're not just friends, there's picture of us kissing in the hallway, Alex's personal computer have my pic and one of my personal picture has Alex.

There was this gay dude that came on to Alex right into my own fucking house... I couldn't believe it... I'm normally a very pacific guy, but don't insult me in my own house. The funny part the dude knew we were a couple before he even came into our house, and when I caught him flirting he said that Alex was asking him the possibilities of a three ways with him. Alex is way too shy to ask something like that by himself. Well the dude learned to fly that day. I don't know why he didn't pick up on who's house he was in, anyone can see the exercise room, with pictures of me in my Jiu Jit Su suit and my collection of 200 swords & samurai on the wall, I guess the dude wanted to die early :angry:

There are really some douche bags who has no respect whatsoever. If someone's going to court my dude, they better not do it under my nose, I'm like an on & off switch; frustration comes quick when I have reasons to be.

 

[gb2000ie]

It is taking all my self control not to post them all over the internet.... :angry: but I thought it wise to do a sanity check here to see if I am overacting, or if I do have good cause for anger. :thinking: Maybe it is just more harmless flirting and I should just let it go.....

You have more self-control than I do! I'd have them posted on a thread here in no time!

You're probably wiser than me though - I might well regret fighting fire with fire later.

As for the general question, I think it's always wrong to make an advance on someone else's committed partner, with the exception of when the partner expresses dissatisfaction with the relationship. If you love someone, and they're in a relationship that's not making them happy, then I think it's more than OK to make a move. If that person is happy, then if you really love them you'll be happy for them, and not barge in and selfishly ruin their lives.

B.

 

[jw4833]

Me and my dude are not very outspoken when we are in public, however anyone smart enough would easily see that we are always together "ALWAYS", that we get home together, that we get out of the house together and well you get the point. We may not kiss or hold hands in public but any smart dudes would know that something is going on between those two dudes. Yet they'll come to Alex and ask him out or make obvious advances.

Happened once that I really lost it because we had a house party, and well it was at my house, now if you get in my house you immediately know that we're not just friends, there's picture of us kissing in the hallway, Alex's personal computer have my pic and one of my personal picture has Alex.

There was this gay dude that came on to Alex right into my own fucking house... I couldn't believe it... I'm normally a very pacific guy, but don't insult me in my own house. The funny part the dude knew we were a couple before he even came into our house, and when I caught him flirting he said that Alex was asking him the possibilities of a three ways with him. Alex is way too shy to ask something like that by himself. Well the dude learned to fly that day. I don't know why he didn't pick up on who's house he was in, anyone can see the exercise room, with pictures of me in my Jiu Jit Su suit and my collection of 200 swords & samurai on the wall, I guess the dude wanted to die early :angry:

There are really some douche bags who has no respect whatsoever. If someone's going to court my dude, they better not do it under my nose, I'm like an on & off switch; frustration comes quick when I have reasons to be.

THAT'S RIGHT!!!...Handle your business, my man...throw that piece of TRASH out for GARBAGE day...:thumbs up:

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

That is a good distinction!

My real life situation is this guy who flirts shamelessly with my boyfriend thought it would be fun to send my boyfriend naked and sexual pictures of himself. Clearly the douchbag category.

It is taking all my self control not to post them all over the internet.... :angry: but I thought it wise to do a sanity check here to see if I am overacting, or if I do have good cause for anger. :thinking: Maybe it is just more harmless flirting and I should just let it go.....

Hell no dude fight back that's the only way they'll learn not to play in your roses garden. As I said before my dude's a model but I myself am not to bad either but yet they'd have the guts to come court him right under my nose... hell no there's some fist sandwich ready to feed their mouths if they don't back up . He's not a whore, well he is but he's my whore:rofl:

 

[bluboy06]

Sad but true

From my experience people who serially pursue people in relationships (taker) do this as a coping mechanism. IMO its an issue with the taker's self esteem. Takers deep down don't believe they deserve to be loved- they are afraid that if someone(taken) really gets to know them they will desert them/be disappointed. So, they go after someone already taken as they relationships are destined to fail.

 

[Behrluvr]

I was guilty of doing this once. That is trying to move in on one member of a couple. A committed couple. However, at the time I was 21 and basically green about relationships. Just didn't know any better.

That's the drawback with being young , no life experience, you just don't know how to act. You do stupid things.

 

[topdog]

That's a good point, Behrluvr. I think some young people that have never had a committed relationship - as in making a home together, blending families, making financial and career decisions as a couple - don't get that they are disrespecting the family you have built together. So I'm saying that sometimes the motive is not evil, it's cluelessness.

Back to the original situation - I guess I am out of the mainstream here, because I think you're getting all worked up over the wrong problem. The actual flirting isn't your problem. That's your boyfriend's problem.

Your problem is what is your boyfriend doing about it and how does his reaction (or lack of one) make you feel about this relationship.

And that leads to the ever-evolving question of boundaries. "Monogamy" is actually a rather broad goal. As they say, the devil is in the details. What does this situation tell you about where your actual boundaries are? Are you and the bf seeing the same lines that cannot be crossed? Does his reaction to the situation make you feel disrespected?

As I said, boundaries are an evolving discussion in a relationship because sometimes you aren't sure exactly where they are until they have been crossed. Better to take the opportunity to discuss what you want as a couple, and let the jackass flirter take the consequences.

As always, this is just my opinion.

 

[redbones111]

I have two rules:
1. No one underage.
2. I do not wreck homes.

Just because a few religious nuts feel as if we have no morals doesn't mean we need to prove them correct.