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Stealthing

yoyo888

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I was reading this last night. This is a new phrase on me.

Link to article

'Stealthing' - what you need to know

"Stealthing" is a term that describes when a man removes a condom during sex despite agreeing to wear one.

It may not be a word you've heard before but there's a lot of discussion about it right now on social media.

It's being talked about because of a US report which found cases are on the rise.

Victims' charities say it must be treated as rape - and that it's a hugely under-reported problem.

The study by Alexandra Brodsky in Columbia Journal of Gender and Law says it is a growing issue.

"Interviews with people who have experienced condom removal indicate that non-consensual condom removal is a common practice among young, sexually active people," she explains.

And she says she's been contacted by lots of victims.

We've been speaking to legal experts and people who support victims of rape for a better understanding "stealthing".
What is it?

The report says it's "non-consensual condom removal during sexual intercourse".

Put simply that means taking it off or deliberately damaging it midway through sex without telling the other person.

The study warns it "exposes victims to physical risks of pregnancy and disease" and is "experienced by many as a grave violation of dignity".
Is it rape?

"That person is potentially committing rape," says Sandra Paul.

She's a solicitor who works at Kingsley Napley and specialises in sexual crime.

She adds: "There has to be some agreement that a condom is going to be used or there is going to be withdrawal.

"If that person then doesn't stick to those rules then the law says you don't have consent."

n non-legal language, it means that if you agree to having sex with a condom and remove it, without saying, then you no longer have consent.

Then it is rape.
What impact does this have on victims?

The report author speaks to a range of people who say they've been "stealthed".

One student called Irin tells her: "The harm mostly had to do with trust.

"He saw the risk as zero for himself and took no interest in what it might be for me, and that hurt."

The report said that "apart from the fear of specific bad outcomes like pregnancy and STIs, all of the survivors experienced the condom removal as a disempowering, demeaning violation of a sexual agreement".
Legally, what is rape?

Sandra Paul tells Newsbeat that rape is when "you penetrate another person and the other person doesn't consent".

"Or the person doing the penetration doesn't reasonably believe that they have consent."
Is talking about 'stealthing' a good thing?

Sandra Paul deals with a lot of sexual assault cases and thinks "discussing it is a good thing".

"Starting a conversation has got to be the right thing to do," she explains.

However not everyone is sure that it is a good idea to call it "stealthing".

"I always find it quite surprising when new phrases like this come up for things that are effectively just a form of sexual assault," says Katie Russell from the charity Rape Crisis.

"If someone consents to a specific sexual act with you using contraception, and you change the terms of that agreement mid-act then that's a sexual offence."

Giving it a term like 'stealthing' sounds relatively trivial," she says.

"It's a very acceptable term for something that's extremely unacceptable and actually an act of sexual violence."
What should you do if it happens to you?

"It can be really helpful to talk to someone in confidence like a trusted friend, or family member, or a specialist confidential independent service like a Rape Crisis centre," Katie Russell says.

"They can just listen to you, support you and help you think through your options and what you might want to do in order to be able to cope with and recover from the traumatic experience."
 

yoyo888

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I have seen the odd video clip that has this "action". Now I know the phrase. See even at my age I learn something new every day

YOYO!
 

dragonscub

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Any straight man who would do this to a woman is a disgusting selfish lowlife. However, I hear a lot more about this "stealthing" business from my gay friends involved in Grind'r hookups, and its always from the reverse point of view!

I have heard many, many complaints in recent months from tops saying bottoms on Grind'r have become extremely demanding and aggressive in their desire for bareback. Most of my friends prefer to use condoms when fucking random hookups, but tell me crafty bottoms have gotten very adept at stealthily removing condoms during sex. While its true the top is generally at lower risk, if a bottom agrees to condom use they should respect that agreement. In the heat of the moment, a top either won't notice the condom disappearing mid-thrust, or will be too far into the action to stop themselves cold. Afterward, tho: worries and recriminations.

This "stealthing" trend has begun to wreck a number of long-term "sex buddy" arrangements I know of (where guys on Grind'r have a small "harem" of regulars). I guess the bareback-inclined bottoms don't care if they lose a couple of reliable tops who dislike "stealthing", since bareback-accepting tops are probably more numerous.
 

haiducii

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See even at my age I learn something new every day

You can always learn something new every day no matter how old you are. The day we stop learning new things professionally or personally, literally, it would be the end of life.

Great article! Thanks for sharing! ;)
 

c750dt

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Jeez I hope this isn't actually a thing. It's obvious any perpetrators don't understand just what their actions might be leading to.
 

topdog

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.... Most of my friends prefer to use condoms when fucking random hookups, but tell me crafty bottoms have gotten very adept at stealthily removing condoms during sex...

I do not doubt your reporting, but I am having a hard time imagining someone removing a condom from my cock without me knowing about it. It sounds like some kind of magic trick that would require some redirection. ("Look, over there! It's Halley's Comet!").
 

slimjim

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It would need something more impressive than just Halley's Comet to stop me looking at cock!!:rofl::thumbs up::)
 

hhindd

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I wondered if this might be the case several times in the past with men
 

prickles

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This kind of reminds me of a story from a while ago. A woman used a pin to make a hole in a condom to get pregnant.
 
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