I'm 29 and my boyfriend is 19.
We'd know each other for several months before we got seriously involved. I was really hesitant when, after months of us fooling around together, he finally asked me if I wanted to be his boyfriend. I'd been secretly in love with him from the get go, but feared the age difference would on the one hand prove to be too great to make a relationship work, and on the other that it would evoke all sorts of unwelcome responses by others/society. Still, the chemistry between us was unbelievable and undeniable so I said yes. And as it turned out, my fears could not have been further off the mark.
I've honestly never been in a relationship that has worked as good as this one, and the same goes for him. (He's had boyfriends before). I've never been with someone so funny, intelligent, eloquent and steadfast as him. But to be honest, those reasons -- however wonderful they are -- are not the only ones which make this relationship work so well. In some way, they are even less important than this one reason: we are both independent people, who do not need another person in order to be happy -- even though we make each other a lot happier.
In that, I believe, we have defeated the only relevant argument that can be raised against a couple involving a younger and an older person, namely the argument of power.
Naivety, insecurity, relative inexperience, gullibility, an uncritical need for attention, care, reassurance, et.c are traits to be found in people everywhere and to varying degrees, but which characterize younger people especially. They can be easily exploited by the stronger, more confident and self-assured and where this is the case, the latter holds a great deal of power over the former. Such relationships are off-balance and impede the personal growth of both parties.
It is easily assumed that relationships that involve a significant age difference are like this. And indeed, I think they often are, with the older guy being in some way psychologically dominant. But people come in all shapes and sizes. Not all youngsters are so naive, inexperienced or lacking in confidence that they cannot imagine their life without this one person and are so afraid of losing him that they curtail their criticism and misgivings against him or the form their relationship has taken. Some youngsters have quite a clear picture of what they actually want out of life, out of love. And older men are not necessarily the stronger or more confident and may accept love, support and insight from all who have to offer it, including a younger person.
In the end, it all boils down to this: a relationship should be balanced and fair, with no one person being in any way dependent upon the other. If this is the form your relationship has taken, who cares if you partner is older or younger? I certainly don't. Anymore.
