How to come out...

[ABUK]

You have to look at what's right for you, not for your family or friends.. YOU! If you feel it's a part of your life you need to share then go for it... It's sometimes not easy or ends up the way you would like, but sometimes it's better being true to something you believe in. MY parents were pissed for about 6-9 months.. it was younger sister and brother that told them they were full of crap and missing out on my life. Now they are wonderful and very supportive. It's not easy but a very personal choice.. good luck!

 

[gaysex123456]

First things first. Try to find out if your family is homophobic. If they are, and you are under 18, it is highly advisable not to tell them you're gay until you've moved out. The last thing you'd need is for them to put you in "conversion therapy".

 

[gb2000ie]

The last thing you'd need is for them to put you in "conversion therapy".

Hopefully that kind of child abuse will be illegal everywhere soon.

Until that happy day - great advice!

B.

 

[boy10]

What is "Conversion therapy"?

 

[Shelter]

What is "Conversion therapy"?

Don't ask for it - for a gay like a Concentration Camp! X_X

 

[allen4191]

Im in the same situation kind of I have came out to m dad and he actually took it well but he told me that him and my mom already knew and they knew for a long time. The issue comes in when I finally tell my mom because my dad has already told me that she not going to take it well

 

[haiducii]

What is "Conversion therapy"?

According to W1kipedia, conversion therapy (also called reparative therapy) is any treatment that aims to change sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual.

 

[junk4sts]

Coming out is about you and not about other people, but there are people who have power in your life (parents, boss, land lord, police, government) who may not like that you are gay. Coming out is just like any other important life decision, and you shouldn't make this decision in a vacuum.

Coming out can have serious negative consequences depending upon where you are in your life, you could end up, homeless, jobless and pennyless.

Do you have your own place?, Do you work at a place where it would be hard for people above you to punish you? Are you dependant on someone else for anything important in your life? If you can answer questions like these in a way that makes you feel comfortable that's a good start.

Next you'd want to think about the relationships you have in your life, people you like and want to keep in your life. Most will probably still be a part of your life if you come out but be mentally ready to leave some relationships behind.

Know why you are coming out - what are you gaining and why do you want to do it now? When I came out to my parents I did so because I wanted them to get that information from me and not from someone else.

Not everyone you know needs to know all of your business, and keep in mind that if you live a life that is true to who you are, your sexuality will likely become evident when it needs to.

You'll know if you should come out by how you feel, do you feel like you are constantly hiding? Do you feel like you are "faking" your masculinity? Do you self censor when you deal with others? If you do these things or have these feelings, coming out may actually help you.

Coming out may help you find and connect with other's in the community, so it can be very positive.

Lastly, if you aren't used to being treated poorly, know that if you come out there will be those that will treat you poorly for no reason other than the fact that you are gay. If you are not used to being disliked for absolutely no reason at all, that can be a bit of a surprise.

 

[377500492]

never expect a "good timing" on coming out. prepare for anything it may incur.

 

[377500492]

take the moment when you have a instant gut...then everything will be fine

 

[shannon]

you don't, telling people you are gay is like saying your black or mexican, sorry (or white) people already know. It's not like they are gonna line up for your choosing when you come out of the closet. Plus it want help you pay your light bill either,

 

[topdog]

you don't, telling people you are gay is like saying your black or mexican, sorry (or white) people already know. It's not like they are gonna line up for your choosing when you come out of the closet. Plus it want help you pay your light bill either,

But, if, like you say, people already know - doesn't that make you look weak and foolish if you yourself refuse to acknowledge it rather than own it and be proud of who you are?

Granted, this doesn't apply in all situations. I am just talking about when hiding means that you are fooling no one but yourself. You are living all the disadvantages of both being in the closet (can't share your real feelings and life) and being out (they already think you're gay and judge you accordingly). What's the point?

 

[charlietuna]

Live your life

 

[topdog]

Always good to hear about people's real life experiences.

​

 

[hhindd]

People are very different about how they choose to come out & it is a choice & doing so might help with ones self esteem.
There is one way to get it over with, maybe meet some gay friends & become a little bit relaxed about it then just drop it nonchalantly into the conversation at a big family dinner!!:rofl:

 

[lhardwick69]

skipped school one day to get it on with friend parents at work--so what the hell -go to my place closest to school there we were naked and him fucking me and didn't hear anyone come home mom opens door sees me getting pounded she was more upset I skipped school than doing what we were doing--

 

[hhindd]

For most people, being gay, floating on a piece of rock, in a infinite universe is not a big deal.....unless you forget that!

 

[brmstn69]

Fake your death, then show up 5 years later with the boyfriend in tow...

Gay will be the last topic on their minds...

 

[newage]

Tell Dad I think i might be gay at tender age of 12---he doesn't believe. Fast forward a couple years later...Dad finds gay porn on computer...then wam bam entire network of family members finds out from usa to africa to europe to asia...LITERALLY!

 

[topdog]

Michael's Coming Out Letter from More Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin

I have always treasured this and I am posting it here so it might inspire a new generation.

There are parallel stories here - one is fiction, the other non-fiction. The fiction comes from the daily newspaper serial story that a young Armistead Maupin wrote every weekday in the San Francisco Chronicle. (These stories were gathered together in the books Tales of the City and More Tales of the City.

More Tales of the City

It's the late 70s and Michael (nicknamed "Mouse) is a young gay man in San Francisco. We have followed his friends and adventures over a couple of years, but at various points we are reminded that he has never told his parents back in Orlando Florida that he is gay.

But now Anita Bryant is crusading in Florida to overturn gay rights, and he has heard from his parents about what that nice lady on the orange juice commercials is doing for the good Christian people of their state.

Mouse realizes that he can't put this off any longer and he has to let his parents know that he is one of the people that Ms. Bryant is condeming. So, at long last he writes his letter back home.

Art Imitates Life

In real life, Armistead Maupin hadn't come out to his parents, either. His father was politically powerful in North Carolina, and a card-carrying KKK member. Maupin has spent most of his life trying to please him and live up to expectations, including volunteering for Vietnam and choosing dangerous missions.

But he knew that his parents read his columns in the paper, and that he couldn't write Mouse's letter without exposing himself. So, two weeks before the letter would appear in fiction, he sent it to his parents. It was the same letter.

Ian McKellan reads Michael's Coming Out Letter​

The Letter

Dear Mama,

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write. Every time I try to write to you and Papa I realize I’m not saying the things that are in my heart. That would be O.K., if I loved you any less than I do, but you are still my parents and I am still your child.

I have friends who think I’m foolish to write this letter. I hope they’re wrong. I hope their doubts are based on parents who loved and trusted them less than mine do. I hope especially that you’ll see this as an act of love on my part, a sign of my continuing need to share my life with you. I wouldn’t have written, I guess, if you hadn’t told me about your involvement in the Save Our Children campaign. That, more than anything, made it clear that my responsibility was to tell you the truth, that your own child is homosexual, and that I never needed saving from anything except the cruel and ignorant piety of people like Anita Bryant.

I’m sorry, Mama. Not for what I am, but for how you must feel at this moment. I know what that feeling is, for I felt it for most of my life. Revulsion, shame, disbelief – rejection through fear of something I knew, even as a child, was as basic to my nature as the color of my eyes.

No, Mama, I wasn’t “recruited.” No seasoned homosexual ever served as my mentor. But you know what? I wish someone had. I wish someone older than me and wiser than the people in Orlando had taken me aside and said, “You’re all right, kid. You can grow up to be a doctor or a teacher just like anyone else. You’re not crazy or sick or evil. You can succeed and be happy and find peace with friends – all kinds of friends – who don’t give a damn who you go to bed with. Most of all, though, you can love and be loved, without hating yourself for it.”

But no one ever said that to me, Mama. I had to find it out on my own, with the help of the city that has become my home. I know this may be hard for you to believe, but San Francisco is full of men and women, both straight and gay, who don’t consider sexuality in measuring the worth of another human being.

These aren’t radicals or weirdos, Mama. They are shop clerks and bankers and little old ladies and people who nod and smile to you when you meet them on the bus. Their attitude is neither patronizing nor pitying. And their message is so simple: Yes, you are a person. Yes, I like you. Yes, it’s all right for you to like me, too.

I know what you must be thinking now. You’re asking yourself: What did we do wrong? How did we let this happen? Which one of us made him that way?

I can’t answer that, Mama. In the long run, I guess I really don’t care. All I know is this: If you and Papa are responsible for the way I am, then I thank you with all my heart, for it’s the light and the joy of my life.

I know I can’t tell you what it is to be gay. But I can tell you what it’s not.

It’s not hiding behind words, Mama. Like family and decency and Christianity. It’s not fearing your body, or the pleasures that God made for it. It’s not judging your neighbor, except when he’s crass or unkind.

Being gay has taught me tolerance, compassion and humility. It has shown me the limitless possibilities of living. It has given me people whose passion and kindness and sensitivity have provided a constant source of strength. It has brought me into the family of man, Mama, and I like it here. I like it.

There’s not much else I can say, except that I’m the same Michael you’ve always known. You just know me better now. I have never consciously done anything to hurt you. I never will.

Please don’t feel you have to answer this right away. It’s enough for me to know that I no longer have to lie to the people who taught me to value the truth.

Mary Ann sends her love.

Everything is fine at 28 Barbary Lane.

Your loving son,
Michael