Need some advice...

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

:thumbs up:

I get that too...

Being bisexual is so ambiguous that social scientist could not categorize it properly, as I explained before in this forum there is 13 sub-categories of bisexuality... but even though I am a social scientist I do realize few years later that bisexuality is just a word to explain some sexual deviation that many would feel at some time in their life... now call it bi-curious, bisexual, asexual... all of those are just label. You choose the term that defines you the most... but at the end one has to ask oneself do I prefer girls or guys... if I end my relationship with my dude tomorrow am I immediately going on a rebound and fall for a girl or wait to meet another guy... is it really guy I want or woman. I have answered those question for myself and I fucking know I am so gay but I have an open mind... if I like a girl so much and she's ready to put a strap-on or get sodomized she'll be a perfect girl lol... but hey I have the dude and married him.

So yes call yourself bisexual... but at least don't lie to yourself and know your real definition behind the appellation that's how I see it.

 

[lskyus]

Being bisexual is so ambiguous that social scientist could not categorize it properly, as I explained before in this forum there is 13 sub-categories of bisexuality... but even though I am a social scientist I do realize few years later that bisexuality is just a word to explain some sexual deviation that many would feel at some time in their life... now call it bi-curious, bisexual, asexual... all of those are just label. You choose the term that defines you the most... but at the end one has to ask oneself do I prefer girls or guys... if I end my relationship with my dude tomorrow am I immediately going on a rebound and fall for a girl or wait to meet another guy... is it really guy I want or woman. I have answered those question for myself and I fucking know I am so gay but I have an open mind... if I like a girl so much and she's ready to put a strap-on or get sodomized she'll be a perfect girl lol... but hey I have the dude and married him.

So yes call yourself bisexual... but at least don't lie to yourself and know your real definition behind the appellation that's how I see it.

hehee...

I forgot to add, that I get that sometimes when dating...

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

Thanks again, and yes I buy the coffee! (lol)

You have all made me feel better, so much! Jake especially thank you..and maybe one day i will buy you that coffee!

It's okay I fucking own the coffee shop hahaha... when I get frustrated and angry I buy stuff LOL there's a picture of my ex in the backoffice if anyone sees him in the coffee shop it's three time the price for him )

 

[lskyus]

well then ill buy you some tea..giggle

 

[topdog]

My question is: why does this guy get to mistreat you in public with no consequences?

Yeah, he's a jerk. But you are the one going to get the salt. That is behavior for which you are responsible. That's the part that bothers me the most. No one gets to treat you like that, no matter how much you love them.

I would really think hard about this because it can repeat itself with the next person you love.

 

[lskyus]

My question is: why does this guy get to mistreat you in public with no consequences?

Yeah, he's a jerk. But you are the one going to get the salt. That is behavior for which you are responsible. That's the part that bothers me the most. No one gets to treat you like that, no matter how much you love them.

I would really think hard about this because it can repeat itself with the next person you love.

That I do not know, I am trying to get an answer to it. He is different in public with me, hes rude at times and laughs it off when he is around other people. I am at this moment in time trying to talk to him about it. People are saying I may be seeing too much into this and that I am going to get hurt. But I walked into this with my eyes open.

Because he has control issues, he seems to thrive on taking over, or controlling people, I wasnt actually feeling well over xmas, so my guard was down, however since time apart (thankyou j!) and feeling better I am seeing a much things far more clearly.

 

[ihno]

My question is: why does this guy get to mistreat you in public with no consequences?

lskyus is in love.

I am at this moment in time trying to talk to him about it.

What about the kick in the ass?

 

[lskyus]

lskyus is in love.



What about the kick in the ass?

tempting and yes on both counts../sigh

 

[ihno]

Maybe it would be good if you get a break for some days and maybe turn the tables a bit. Don't run after him if he misbehaved. Let him come to you.

Better would be something like "Leave me alone for some days, I'll call you next week". Be a little uncertain and make sure you're the one who's calling. You said that he calls you a lot so don't answer emails and the phone etc. Get a little initative. And don't call on Monday at 8 am, asking "missed me?" or something like that.

Show some independence, let him know that he can't take you for granted (it's a lie but he doesn't have to know).

Don't be mad with my "" subtone, I've been there too where you are now and I know how you feel. We give you good advice, you'll ignore it and act stupidly but someday you'll think back to this thread and think "oh yes.". And it's okay to act stupidly. Well, you don't want to hear that but it's worth the experience on some level.

I feel old and wise now.

 

[lskyus]

Maybe it would be good if you get a break for some days and maybe turn the tables a bit. Don't run after him if he misbehaved. Let him come to you.

Better would be something like "Leave me alone for some days, I'll call you next week". Be a little uncertain and make sure you're the one who's calling. You said that he calls you a lot so don't answer emails and the phone etc. Get a little initative. And don't call on Monday at 8 am, asking "missed me?" or something like that.

Show some independence, let him know that he can't take you for granted (it's a lie but he doesn't have to know).

Don't be mad with my "" subtone, I've been there too where you are now and I know how you feel. We give you good advice, you'll ignore it and act stupidly but someday you'll think back to this thread and think "oh yes.". And it's okay to act stupidly. Well, you don't want to hear that but it's worth the experience on some level.

I feel old and wise now.

Yes and its very good advice, but I think I know the outcome already, and that I have to accept it and move on.

Your advice has been wonderful during this time, I guess I just have to forgive myself now for being such an idiot...

 

[ihno]

You're not the idiot here, he is. You're just in love.

Of course my last advice will lead nowhere, but since you are obviously not willing yet to kick his ass I thought it might be the next best.

 

[lskyus]

You're not the idiot here, he is. You're just in love.

Of course my last advice will lead nowhere, but since you are obviously not willing yet to kick his ass I thought it might be the next best.

well my options are limited, having told him how i feel, i have to wait to see what his reaction is. But i already know what hes going to say, so I am not holding out any hope.

I have to face that he may not feel that way and as hard as it is, I must deal with it.

 

[ihno]

Even more of a reason to tell him "Go away and come back next week".

Well, the problem is not that he might not have some interest in you, the problem is that he'd never admit it. If there is the slightest chance then don't be too convenient. Make him miss you if he secretly feels for you. But I thought you told him already more than once? Isn't it already Part II of your "drama"?

 

[lskyus]

well my options are limited, having told him how i feel, i have to wait to see what his reaction is. But i already know what hes going to say, so I am not holding out any hope.

I have to face that he may not feel that way and as hard as it is, I must deal with it.

Worst part is, to me hes absolutely perfect and I wish I could meet someone like that...

 

[lskyus]

Even more of a reason to tell him "Go away and come back next week".

Well, the problem is not that he might not have some interest in you, the problem is that he'd never admit it. If there is the slightest chance then don't be too convenient. Make him miss you if he secretly feels for you. But I thought you told him already more than once? Isn't it already Part II of your "drama"?

he already knows how i feel, ive told him twice, first time I wasnt feeling well, and my guard was down so i got a bit emotional about it. (had that bug over christmas, i lost my voice and everything).

Then i wrote it in a letter to give to him tonight. As I dont think he understood me the first time at least, that is how interpreted it. But I dont think it will change anything and the logic in me has to return some time, so I have to move on and accept that he does not feel that way or does not want to express it ever. But when I do try to express myself I get all emotional about it...

The only thing that gnaws at me a little is that I have never been wrong before when it comes to my feelings, I have always been spot on till now. I guess the passage of time we spent apart was too long, so the person I knew is now gone forever...

 

[lskyus]

Even more of a reason to tell him "Go away and come back next week".

Well, the problem is not that he might not have some interest in you, the problem is that he'd never admit it. If there is the slightest chance then don't be too convenient. Make him miss you if he secretly feels for you. But I thought you told him already more than once? Isn't it already Part II of your "drama"?

The problem here is, when I am not around he clearly does miss me, as the texts he sends me clearly show that, but as I am finding out, when I confront him, I am either seeing too much into it, over analysing it, or i dont know how to interpret those emotions having never had such a close male friend before... (those are his words btw)

 

[lskyus]

Well i got my response over the phone after an hour long discussion, he says he has no feelings at all for me that way, he says, that is the way he is with all his friends and we are just closer than that. He said he did not realize he was being quite so insensitive towards me.

I tried to explain how I feel at length, but there is no way to describe that to someone who does not understand, its like joy that has been turned upside down.

He then cut me off and said night...

And now its out with the tissues..sob...

I was prepared at least, I knew it was going to happen, I now have to grieve the loss...

 

[ihno]

That is yet to be seen if there is a loss. I suggest nothing changes. I think he'll just ignore that.

 

[lskyus]

That is yet to be seen if there is a loss. I suggest nothing changes. I think he'll just ignore that.

I have no idea but thank you for the nice thought, now im off to blub again into my tissues...

I should say that, that it feels like a loss and I guess I will get over it...

 

[tonka]

You will have to mend your broken heart and move on. It will mend. Give it time.

Top Dog was right. You need to figure out why you let this happen (twice). Not to rake yourself over the coals, but so that next time you'll choose someone different. You really tried hard with this. It didn't work.
But there will be a next time for you.