Aw! Egoistic suicide, right? :worried:
But...
Well It is kind of obvious right? Egoistic suicidal tendencies are people who believe that they have no place in this world, they do not believe that they can achieve to anything and they are being a little egocentric about their problems and forget that killing themselves may relieves them from their woes and worries, but they don't care about the indelible mark they will leave on those who survive them. Your parents, your cousins, your families and I do not believe that you don't have one friend that doesn't care. If so it's not them that doesn't care about you, it's you that doesn't care about them. Egoistic suicide is the most spread and vows for the highest cause of suicide among people and that is no numbers from today it dated from centuries.
You know Jake, I'm too much diffrent than another people! everybody says that "you're crazy" "you're weird" etc.
Your post shock me a little, I'm not sure if I understood everything propertly. X_X You know if I thinking about it, being bisexual is perfect sexual orietation... being gay is ofkoz not worse but, but oit have less option to choose! X_X
You said at some point that you didn't like to be touched. Well Deef my friend you and I both, I hate being touched too, the hugs and hands on my laps are exclusives to my boyfriends and kids, but trust me not everyone is allowed to touch me. While some people are very forward with strangers and can easily engage into body contact I do not. I keep my distance at an arm length. However I overcome that human contact when I am practicing martial arts. There is a time and place for everything Deef and you have to choose whom you let in and whom you keep out and that cannot be everybody.
Deef sorry to rain on your parade of being different and if it is the only reason you have found to justify your state of mind, let me tell you my dear friend that you're totally wrong, so wrong that people will sing songs about how wrong you were after long time you're gone. You are not much different than the poor kid that is living in Uganda where the society is so anti-gay that they are for the most living in slums, they can't get a job, they are not considered like people. You're not much different than I when I was your age and scared of what people may say about me being bisexual, gay and/or different, you're not much different of all the suffering my husband got in his little town of Rockhampton in Australia, growing up in a small village as a hot little dude who wasn't interested in girls, while every girls wanted to jump his bone. You are not much different than my boyfriend Liam aged 18 who is still hiding himself from his dad, even though the poor kid haven't had any girlfriends (he's far from being an ugly dude, but he's just not into girl even though he refers himself as a bisexual; wanna see him go check my album, the one sleeping in the bed it's him, he's super hot and super nice too) but yet dudes interest him, but just like you he is in a very difficult time of finding who he is, he's scared, he's confused, he's sometimes depressed about his urges, but you know who he has to help him... US (me and Alex) and so far he's getting better. And on that picture it's the best sleep he ever had in years... the day before I took care of him and look how comfortable he seems. Liam is 18 years old, lost his mother at 8 and been living with his dad that keeps a severe grip on him and keeps forgetting his birthday. See every one has a story Deef.
My story could make a book and a dramatic movie, I've lost my mom at aged 4, been adopted and sent to a very small village, I was raised among white people and for 13 years I have been bullied because I was different (Yes Deef I have a visible difference, I was a black kid among the white kids) there was no black community to support me, at aged 11 I have been placed in foster family for 6 years, at age 16 my dad signed before me and my social worker an act that was definitely giving me away to social services, my mom couldn't make it stop she didn't have the money and the parental right). At 17 my long time girlfriend died of a car accident, along side many other things that happened, I became a sex worker, porn performer etc. I had it very difficult. But am I dead Deef (I had all the reasons of the world to kill myself, to pitty myself, to believe that I was so different that my parent didn't love me, that nobody loved me) but you know what I found out through few psychological session is that I hated myself so much that I was giving very bad vibes to everyone. If you know all that about yourself Deef, make yourself the best gift of all, something that nobody not even your parent can, and that gift is self appreciation.
You are not much different then many of us in this board, I'm pretty sure that many here could tell you horrific stories about their coming out or self-acceptance of their urges. It takes time, it is not easy, and for some GH is their only place where they can vent their frustrations, but you know what Deef, I am pretty sure that the advises they've get here, they applied it. You're not the first who came here with suicidal tendencies, you are not the first, not much different so you might want to wave away that part of being so different and listen and apply some of the advice you get from people here. You will never know until you try. And if you refuses to try Deef the only thing that is left for us to say is - We hope you'll have a nice funeral!
And from your post I just rooted that God is a imagined creature by people. The are imagine cos they're week and they explain themself about something like good luck.. it might be true. But could you tell me when is a point of living?
We're just animals and our lifes are without points?
Deef I am an atheist because I hate what religion does to people, you are the example of person that religion has damaged seriously. How can you believe that masturbation is disgusting (yeah there are some rare people who have a blockage when it comes to touch themselves) but from your thread I understood that religion make you believe that it is wrong and dirty. Well by being here you are going against your religion, it may be the discussion board but nothing changes the fact that from a simple click you can download all kind of gay porn. Now do you really believe that the priest who runs your church doesn't shake his dick more than three times once in a while? Masturbation is a natural human act and it has been practiced by men and women since the beginning of time (Even monkeys are doing it) and your favorite dog does it by humping everything that looks like a leg. I have been doing martial arts for many years and before going for a competition (today I'd just have a quicky with Alex and/or Liam), I would lock myself in a stall and jerkoff to release the tension, and trust me it does work, try it before a big test at school and you'll see how less difficult the test will seems when you have learned to release the pressure. My Liam is a black belt in Taekwondo and trust me before he goes for a competition Alex and I take care of him (we either jerk him off or have complete sex with him) and so far he haven't lost much of his competitions. By suppressing your natural urges you creates more anxiety and pressure for which you can't find relevance in being recluse in your corner.
Recently I have read article, an in it the scientists discover that if one part of our body with our DNA, sending a electric impulses as sending it our brain. It some like abnormal! thay can't explain this. Sorry, I have bad day, and I'm not sure if I wrote it good...
Deef are you a neurologist, psychologist, psychiatrist and all those specialized brain researcher? So you will take one article to explain what you feel and try to MAKE ME believe that one electric impulse will change everything (yes it could be) but right now by reading this your brain is sending and receiving million of electrical pulses, your emotions, your gestures, your every movement and thought are the result of millions impulses per minute. Might want to read the rest of the article and those that comes before it. Don't use one article to explain your sorrows.
Well, I don't understand mostly anything.. sorry Jake I need to read everything again cos my English is not good.. Now I see it clearly... so forgive me I need some time for read it.
That you don't understand I have no problem with that, sure read it again and if you have question go ahead ask them, I'll reply to them... I didn't put this in so I look smart and cannot explain the content... I am a smart dude and I can explain what I wrote. If what I wrote can help you understand yourself better I call that a first step to healthiness.
And your "bitch" as you wrote is so lovely! i want to have something like partner? it doesn't matter what genital he or she has between legs...
Want a partner Deef, you need first to get yourself better, Alex and I is 6 years of commitment good days and bad days. Relationship doesn't fix problems it bring a whole range of different problems. And I have two bitches, my husband Alex and my baby Liam and I love them both differently. So you want to get that, well it's certainly not by staying in your room and eating black licorice that you'll get that. Open yourself to some people and you'll see how bright life can be. Human are living in society, society is another word for herd, join the herd.:cheers:
