Penpals?

[deef]

i really feel lonley now... fuck all the emotions. How can I turn it off completely?

 

[tonka]

You have some big problems, Deef. Major suicidal depression is something you need help to deal with. Your parents have offered a way to get help. I urge you to really consider it. Or maybe you can get help another way.
Many members of my family have had mental health issues. It's really hard. But those who have gotten help, and worked at it, have made lives for themselves.

You see suicide as an answer. It may end your pain of the moment, but it also ends all the good things your life can be.
And what of your parents? They'll never get over it. Not ever.

I know you feel lonely. But we are your friends. You're not alone.

 

[Sinnerr]

i really feel lonley now... fuck all the emotions. How can I turn it off completely?

You don't need to turn it off completely. You need retune to good ones.

Pop, Rock, Metal, Electro, House, trance I don't like hip-hop and rap..

You have very good tastes about music.

Here is thread for metal-heads:
http://www.gayheaven.org/showthread.php?t=213160&page=25&highlight=metal+fans
You can post your favorite clips from Youtube, discuss it and so on....

Or here you can also post any song what you like and think others should hear it too:
http://www.gayheaven.org/t5655-p646-what-are-you-listening-to-youtube-clips.html

And cos allgood things come in threes, here is Classical music thread. I know you haven't mentioned this genre, but I'm pretty sure lot of metal band take inspiration from clssics, so maybe you would like it.
http://www.gayheaven.org/showthread.php?p=1186724#post1186724

And one dirty note at the end. It's well known fact, that good mood makes, beside others, endorphines. Beside sport is another perfect way how get it - orgasm, do you jerk your dick enought??

 

[deef]

You have some big problems, Deef. Major suicidal depression is something you need help to deal with. Your parents have offered a way to get help. I urge you to really consider it. Or maybe you can get help another way.
Many members of my family have had mental health issues. It's really hard. But those who have gotten help, and worked at it, have made lives for themselves.

You see suicide as an answer. It may end your pain of the moment, but it also ends all the good things your life can be.
And what of your parents? They'll never get over it. Not ever.

I know you feel lonely. But we are your friends. You're not alone.

I don't want to go to hospital. It probably won't help me. contrarywise.
Parents force me to going school. But I can't... I have problems with dialogue with people, and they can't understand it.

They think that if I will going to study everything will be ok. It isn't.... don't like spend all the time in home, I will go crazy soon. I'm introvert ok, but with time...

You don't need to turn it off completely. You need retune to good ones.

I don't need them When I used to go to school my classmates told me that I'm crazy and I have weird taste in music...and weird sense of humour.

And cos allgood things come in threes, here is Classical music thread. I know you haven't mentioned this genre, but I'm pretty sure lot of metal band take inspiration from clssics, so maybe you would like it.
http://www.gayheaven.org/showthread.php?p=1186724#post1186724

I like Classical music!

And one dirty note at the end. It's well known fact, that good mood makes, beside others, endorphines. Beside sport is another perfect way how get it - orgasm, do you jerk your dick enought??

Oh please Sinnerr, :blushing:

 

[Sinnerr]

Why you can't comunicate with people? Whats the concrete reason? Are you afraid from some concrete situation?
Be comunicative here at least. We would like to help you, but you have to let us know what happens.

 

[deef]

I don't know... in the internet I can speak about everything but when I tring meet people in real life I can't speak any single word. Even say hello.

 

[Sinnerr]

You should fight with it, I think I understand you I was in similar situation. I guess it's from nervousness. But you must know that "it's better to be a queer fish than to be a cold fish".
And what would help you would be to come out, to one person at least.

 

[deef]

It might be, Sin... i'm to much nervous person...
I don't know, being "cold fish" have some positive aspects...
Oh no, no no! I'll never told about me anyone.

 

[Sinnerr]

Which positive aspects it has? When you're nervous it's not positive aspect. And you told us about you. And as I've knowed you're nervous I know that you would like to share lot of thigs with some people. You are pretty scarried of potentional reactions only. So don't lie to yourself.

And finally, you haven't answered my question about your jerking yet. So yes or not ? Well it's foolish q. but I'm kinda dickhead sometimes and interested about many foolish thing. Just cos foolish things bring me foolish joy. And it's perfect thing for me. It's No.1 of joys ... ehm. not, it's No.2 - No.1 is jerking my dick.


So what ?::::::

 

[deef]

Hmm, if you're a cold person, you don't care what people says about you! you're not shy, and you're completely self-dependent.

No I didn''t aswer for your q. and I won't do it. :blushed:
The jerking is disgusiting. Sin, i see that you like porn, dity talks and etc.

 

[tonka]

Hello Deef.
Of course Sinner likes that stuff, as do I, as do most of the people here. It's a gay porn forum, and we see sex as a really good thing. At some point in you're life, you'll have to come to terms with your own sexual self.

But you have more immediate issues right now. You have problems, and you need help. You don't want to take the hospital option. So what other options? Can you get outpatient therapy while you live at home? Something else?
You need a plan, Deef. Sitting in your room and hoping it will get better sometime isn't a plan.

Two more things before I go download some porn:

You don't seem crazy to me at all. You seem smart, lucid, more than able to convey your thoughts and feelings. You're no crazier than Sinner and I.

Try to be kind to your parents. This is probably all very confusing for them, and they're frustrated. That doesn't mean they hate you. I might be seeing this all wrong, of course.
Maybe they're not good parents at all. But if they are, remember that they are trying.

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

Here comes the bull!

Hi there little Deef dude,

Well I have seen all your last messages and the intervention that my fellow class act; Sinner. Tonka (Truck, I loved those lol) and Big Sal and few others have tried to do with you. Deef although I have the experience and the background to deal with these kind of anti-social, depressive and anxiety feelings that you're experiencing, there's very little either of us can do Online, one day you may never replies to us and perhaps it will be the day you snapped and decided to pass from words to actions, or that your parents have decided to do something about it. What I propose to do here it is a simple and quick analyse and give you some pointers just like my fellow class act did, but neither of us here are saviors, we're not Jesus Christ and nor Prophet Muhammad, first just know that the latter two are two religious clowns for me and I don't believe they would be of any help either... but if you believe; "YOU" not me, that either of their teachings can help, sure go about them. But prophet Sinner, Tonka, Big Sal and myself are preaching from the Holy Church/Mosque/Synagogue of Reality and Experience, now it is up to you to take a bite on the apple that is presented to you or go slither in the desert as Lilith did for so many years.

The holy Church/Mosque/Synagogue of Reality and Experience isn't based on "Magic", nor any type of intelligent designer, it's based on hard, very hard teaching of reality, we first ask our disciples to get in line to receive the holy boot on their glory ass and Deef, that's what I am going to do here with you and it is time that somebody kick some reality into you.

First let's take a scientific view at suicide, through the words of my Philosopher and Sociologist model I will used the definition of suicide by Emile Durkheim. Emile Durkheim was a French philosopher and one of the founder of my discipline called Sociology. There was before him August Comte, Baron de Montesquieu and Spencer but Emile was more influenced by the teaching of Comte. So Durkheim was born in April 1858, on a sociological perspective when Comte and Spencer were considered as the founding fathers of Sociology, Durkheim is considered as the grandfather and the systematic approach to study the society began with him.

Emile has wrote several essays but the one that I remember the most and the most important which completes one another are his theory of division of social labor and theory of suicide. Durkheim's theory of 'suicide' is related in various ways to his study of the division of labor. It is also linked with the theory of 'social constraint'. Durkheim has established the view that there are no societies in which suicide does not occur.

Durkheim rejected most of the accepted theories of suicide, his monographic studies claims suicide as primarily a social phenomena in terms of the breakdown of the vital bond of life. Durkheim in his classical study of 'Le Suicide' which was published in 1897, demonstrates that neither psycho-pathic factor nor heredity nor climate nor poverty, nor unhappy love nor other personal factors motivate along form sufficient explanation of suicide.

According to Durkheim, suicide is not an individual act nor a personal action. It is caused by some power which is over and above the individual or super individual. He viewed "all classes of deaths resulting directly or indirectly from the positive or negative acts of the victim itself who knows the result they produce" Having defined the phenomenon Durkheim dismisses the psychological explanation. Many doctors and psychologists develop the theory that majority of people who take their own life are in a pathological state, but Durkheim emphasizes that the force, which determines the suicide, is not psychological but social. He concludes that suicide is the result of social disorganization or lack of social integration or social solidarity.

Now using my dictionary of sociology (The Blackwell edition), yes even though I know my stuff very well I too need references and I do not want some bozo the clown coming across this text, read half of it, understand 1 quarter of it and accused me of plagiarism without even understanding the essence or the purpose of the text. I've gone through this shit before and I don't want it to happen ever again.

All right as per the work of Durkheim there is several type of suicide, I will not give a full blown definition of all of them, but I believe it is kind of necessary to know. So here they are:

Egoistic suicide, Altruistic suicide, Anomic suicide, Fatalistic suicide. Now let's see a definition for them all:

Egoistic suicide: when a man becomes socially isolated or feels that he has no place in the society he destroys himself. This is the suicide of self-centered person who lacks altruistic feelings and is usually cut off from main stream of the society.

Altruistic suicide: This type of suicide occurs when individuals and the group are too close and intimate. This kind of suicide results from the over integration of the individual into social proof.

Anomic suicide: This type of suicide is due to certain breakdown of social equilibrium, such as, suicide after bankruptcy or after winning a lottery. In other words, anomic suicide takes place in a situation which has cropped up suddenly.

And the last but not the least; Fatalistic suicide: This type of suicide is due to over-regulation in society. Under the over-regulation of a society, when a servant or slave commits suicide, when a barren woman commits suicide, it is the example of fatalistic suicide.

Now I am not going to ask which one you believe that your feelings fall into because the idea here is not for you to learn all about the type of suicidal tendencies and so you find a poetic way to write it in your last letter, it is for you to understand that suicide isn't totally an individual act, and I am a very Durkheimian type of sociologist. There are different type of sociologists as there is different type of psychologists, all get their influence from a master. One particularity of Durkheim is that instead of just writing theories on philosophy he was also often giving possible solution to some of the social issues. Just like some psychologist who focus on naming pathology, some focus on finding solutions, and you do guess that I will have preferences for those trying at least to fix the issue versus those just talking about them.

The other reason why I am not going to ask is that I have read your previous replies and I know exactly where you fall into.

Deef my little friend I know you're from a country where homosexuality is a sin and is viewed has a crime against humanity, while I understand that there's very little one biological pack of cell can do about it, even if tomorrow they would have a pill that cure that chromosome that creates the feeling of homosexuality I would refuse to take it because I was born with it, it's part of me and removing it isn't me anymore. Above I've just provided you with an at-large vision of what suicide is as a sociologist point of view, but here's the contradictory part of what I wrote above, because while I am a sociologist I am also a behavioral psychologist. I have a long time ago decided to tackles both disciplines for the very simple reason that society do influence the individual. The way you are so scared of your feelings isn't just an individual pattern it is a socio-economic and psychopathic pattern. You were raised a certain way, you are influenced by the society that surrounds you and your personal philosophy is altered by what surrounds you.

So psychologically speaking I have noticed some patterns from your replies, now because we're not in person and because I'm not a clinical psychologist do not take them all for granted that what I will write below pertains to you, it is just a general over view of some well know abnormal psychological behaviors and their definition.

Now abnormal behaviors doesn't necessarily means that those behaviors a completely bad, but there is indeed a certain marge to take in consideration, which I will explain later.

So abnormal behaviors refers to those particular characteristics; statistical infrequency, violation of norms, personal distress, disability or dysfunction and unexpectedness. Now below let's see what those means quickly:

Statistical infrequency: one aspect of abnormal behavior is that it is infrequent in the general population. The best example is the alternating episodes of depression or mania (maniac-depression). Now just know that statistical infrequency is normally used in clinical psychology to define and diagnose levels of mental retardation (not your problem here, you are a very smart dude). You have certainly learned about those IQ test, well IQ test is one out of the hundred other test they use to define your level of intelligence, which if you ask me; I do not find accurate at all. At 12 years old my IQ was 10 below Einstein when he was about the same age, and I don't feel like a god and I sucked at math LOL.

Violation of norms: there are several aspect of behavioral abnormality for this characteristic as anyone can come and voice their own vision of what is a violation of norms (like you believing that masturbating is abnormal, while in fact you're being the one that violates the norm for not doing it or thinking that it is a disgusting act). This aspect that I'm speaking about is more related to anti-social behaviors or any other behavior that threatens or makes anxious those observing it. Best example is that criminals and prostitutes violate social norms but are not taken in consideration or over-studied in abnormal psychology. And let's all take in consideration about cultural diversity which greatly affect the social norms or status quo of one society because what is the norm in one society can be viewed as abnormal in another.

Personal distress: becomes a abnormal behavior when the person that suffers from it creates a great deal of distress and torment. People with high level of of anxiety and depression are in this category however a psychopath which treats other cold-heatedly will continually violates the law and feel no remorse at all for its actions would not necessarily fit in that category.

Disability or Dysfunction: this category of abnormal behavior refers to impairment in some important area of life such as; work and personal relationship. This characteristic is more related to social or occupational disability. I could give more example but this characteristic is there really just to explain and does not refer to anything I plan on doing here. So if you want to learn more about it just let me know and I'll develop further.

Unexpectedness: not all distress or disability falls into the domain of abnormal psychology. Distress and disability are considered abnormal when they are unexpected responses to environmental stressors. In clinical psychology, anxiety disorder is diagnosed when the anxiety is unexpected and out of proportion to the situation, as when a person is well off but still worries about his/her financial situation.

All right Deef now you have the definition I'm going to take a break, since it is 12am here in Canada EST, my husband Alex is going to give me shit again for not being in bed with him (he's such a tall blond bitch, but he's MY BITCH :rofl... so I will keep on going tomorrow... we're not done!

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

Well deef I have replied to you but somehow I created a thread instead of replying here.

But go here to check it out http://www.gayheaven.org/t299964-here-comes-the-bull.html


(I've merged it in to this one XMan101)

 

[mrpiz]

Hi Deef
I've skimmed through this thread and am very concerned. I just wanted to say to you, please dont do anything to harm yourself. There's nothing wrong with being different. I would be very sad to find that all posts from you have suddenly stopped. Take the advice that has been offered here. Even though I dont know you, I certainly would hate to see something happen to you.

 

[Sinnerr]

Hmm, if you're a cold person, you don't care what people says about you! you're not shy, and you're completely self-dependent.

No I didn''t aswer for your q. and I won't do it. :blushed:
The jerking is disgusiting. Sin, i see that you like porn, dity talks and etc.

Dear friend Deef,

you're not right about it. I tell you why.
Getting off is just absolutely natural need of everyone male adult person. Same as eating, drinking, sleeping or breathing.
When you don't jerk your jizz will get out from your dick with "nocturnal emission", whats also called "wet dream".
So your only choice is if you want enjoy it during waching some pretty guys on video, or you won't enjoyy it and will change pyjamas and bedclothes very often.

Anyway, in June I've sent you email adress of one LGBT Christian group (they're gays and lesbians and are active religious), what I contacted in advance and they wrote they're willing to comunicate about religious aspects with you, and even one their memeber speaks fluently Polish.
I guess you fucked it and haven't wrote them(?)

So tell me dear Deef what else I (or We) could do for you. Seriously, what you think would help you?? Cos I'm already without any idea. We can tap-dance, juggle, yodel, ... But we can't help you against your will. It's impossible. I think you should discard your prejudices and stiffness!

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

Well deef I have replied to you but somehow I created a thread instead of replying here.

But go here to check it out http://www.gayheaven.org/t299964-here-comes-the-bull.html


(I've merged it in to this one XMan101)

Thanks Xman

 

[deef]

Hello Deef.
Of course Sinner likes that stuff, as do I, as do most of the people here. It's a gay porn forum, and we see sex as a really good thing. At some point in you're life, you'll have to come to terms with your own sexual self.

But you have more immediate issues right now. You have problems, and you need help. You don't want to take the hospital option. So what other options? Can you get outpatient therapy while you live at home? Something else?
You need a plan, Deef. Sitting in your room and hoping it will get better sometime isn't a plan.

Two more things before I go download some porn:

You don't seem crazy to me at all. You seem smart, lucid, more than able to convey your thoughts and feelings. You're no crazier than Sinner and I.

Try to be kind to your parents. This is probably all very confusing for them, and they're frustrated. That doesn't mean they hate you. I might be seeing this all wrong, of course.
Maybe they're not good parents at all. But if they are, remember that they are trying.

I know my dear, I understand that... it makes me only discordant to gay society. I don't like it. I'm bisexual in emotional sense, and I'm sexualy totally asexual. For instance, I hate when somebody touches me. :worried:

I like wild nature of Sinnerr, it's a little bit funny. Anyway he's a lovely person, Sinnerr aren't you?

In hostpital I'll eat some antidepression pills which I'm actually eating currently... Theraphy is impossible at this moment cos I lives in small town, and here just theraphy only for adult. The adult I mean a little bit higher than my age.

I want to be all life single and virgin. I like it. Really!

Hi Deef
I've skimmed through this thread and am very concerned. I just wanted to say to you, please dont do anything to harm yourself. There's nothing wrong with being different. I would be very sad to find that all posts from you have suddenly stopped. Take the advice that has been offered here. Even though I dont know you, I certainly would hate to see something happen to you.

Thanks.

Dear friend Deef,

When you don't jerk your jizz will get out from your dick with "nocturnal emission", whats also called "wet dream".

Well, maybe my genital doesn't work propertly...

Anyway, in June I've sent you email adress of one LGBT Christian group (they're gays and lesbians and are active religious), what I contacted in advance and they wrote they're willing to comunicate about religious aspects with you, and even one their memeber speaks fluently Polish.
I guess you fucked it and haven't wrote them(?)

Fuck it, i don't care if I'm bisexual/homosexual in my religion, the sin is when I have sexual contact. I don't want to have any sexual contact. I feel good with it.. so I'm not a siner

So tell me dear Deef what else I (or We) could do for you. Seriously, what you think would help you?? Cos I'm already without any idea. We can tap-dance, juggle, yodel, ... But we can't help you against your will. It's impossible. I think you should discard your prejudices and stiffness!

I don't know, I like talks with you. I'm in situation without solution. Fuck it.. anyway I'll not life to old age. Even I don't want to...

 

[deef]

Aw fuck! sorry. But i don't know why I did two posts..

Hi there little Deef dude,

Now I am not going to ask which one you believe that your feelings fall into because the idea here is not for you to learn all about the type of suicidal tendencies and so you find a poetic way to write it in your last letter, it is for you to understand that suicide isn't totally an individual act, and I am a very Durkheimian type of sociologist. There are different [...]

The other reason why I am not going to ask is that I have read your previous replies and I know exactly where you fall into.

Aw! Egoistic suicide, right? :worried:
But...

Deef my little friend I know you're from a country where homosexuality is a sin and is viewed has a crime against humanity, while I understand that there's very little one biological pack of cell can do about it, even if tomorrow they would have a pill that cure that chromosome that creates the feeling of homosexuality I would refuse to take it because I was born with it, it's part of me and removing it isn't me anymore.

You know Jake, I'm too much diffrent than another people! everybody says that "you're crazy" "you're weird" etc.
Your post shock me a little, I'm not sure if I understood everything propertly. X_X You know if I thinking about it, being bisexual is perfect sexual orietation... being gay is ofkoz not worse but, but oit have less option to choose! X_X

And from your post I just rooted that God is a imagined creature by people. The are imagine cos they're week and they explain themself about something like good luck.. it might be true. But could you tell me when is a point of living?
We're just animals and our lifes are without points?

Recently I have read article, an in it the scientists discover that if one part of our body with our DNA, sending a electric impulses as sending it our brain. It some like abnormal! thay can't explain this. Sorry, I have bad day, and I'm not sure if I wrote it good...

Above I've just provided you with an at-large vision of what suicide is as a sociologist point of view, but here's the contradictory part of what I wrote above, because while I am a sociologist I am also a behavioral psychologist. I have a long time ago decided to tackles both disciplines for the very simple reason that society do influence the individual. The way you are so scared of your feelings isn't just an individual pattern it is a socio-economic and psychopathic pattern. You were raised a certain way, you are influenced by [...]


All right Deef now you have the definition I'm going to take a break, since it is 12am here in Canada EST, my husband Alex is going to give me shit again for not being in bed with him (he's such a tall blond bitch, but he's MY BITCH :rofl... so I will keep on going tomorrow... we're not done!

Well, I don't understand mostly anything.. sorry Jake I need to read everything again cos my English is not good.. Now I see it clearly... so forgive me I need some time for read it.

And your "bitch" as you wrote is so lovely! i want to have something like partner? it doesn't matter what genital he or she has between legs...

 

[Sinnerr]

If you like talking with me, tell one thing. What do you want? Where do you want to be in next 5 years? With whom?

I absolutely don't understand you and have many doubts if you understand yourself.
Once you're thinking abou suicide, after few you feel good.
Once you feel lonely, but don't want to speak with anyone about your problems.
...

Just try to read your posts in this thread!!! Your ones. How many contradicts are there. And nothing logic. You've admited you're nervous, but also being uncomunicative is fain and you don't care what others say or think. If you wouldent care about it you wouldent have proble to come out, don't you think???

I can't do nothing for you till you won't want to help yourself. If you say here is no solution, thats true. From only one reason - You think here is no solution.

Stop lieing to yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[deef]

I don't remember when I feel good, i think that I did not wrote it.. i just would to said that I
get used to it.
it's part of my character, I'm keep lieing myself and I speakes unclearly