Warning: Huge rant ahead!
Also, we all have different tastes. To each their own. These are MY turn-offs:
Music that covers up natural sounds, stupid lighting and other editing 'effects' that are distracting from the action (Chi Chi La Rue, you awful cunt, I'm looking at you--thanks for ruining some hot scenes with some of my favorite porn actors by covering up their hot talk/moaning/etc with your crappy music, and thanks for cutting away from the action to show some stupid special effect, and thanks for idiotic "artsy" lighting that obscures the action).
Drag queens popping up in the middle of a hot scene. WTF? ~X(
Movies that are marketed as gay porn, yet during a hot sex scene (say, in the men's room of a bar), the camera cuts away to a scene in the bar itself with the guy's 'girlfriend' complaining about how long he's been in the restroom! X_X I don't want to see any goddamned women in my GAY porn! If it's part of the 'story' that one of the guys is married, or supposedly 'straight' then get the woman out of the way before the sex begins, and do not under any cir
stances edit the video so the woman appears in the middle of the sex scene! I know I'm not alone in this. If there are going to be women interrupting the sex scenes, then put a warning label on the video, then maybe the bisexuals will actually purchase the film, and I will know to avoid it like the plague.
Too much muscle turns me off. A classic "V" torso is hot, as are six-pack abs, but too much muscle makes me want to vomit. Chris Evans :thumbs up: is perfect, Arnold Schwarzenegger :no: is disgusting! In porn, once in a while I am turned on by a guy with huge pecs, but it's rare, and I think every time it's been a hairy guy--Bruno's hairy cannonball pecs in those vintage films, for example! Ricky Sinz has a hot, muscled body, but he is in danger of going a little too far. Zeb Atlas has way too much muscle for my tastes.
On the other ends of the spectrum, way too skinny/girly or way too fat turn me off. A beer belly is fine, a big round ass is fine (as long as it's not saggy or wrinkled). I really like a guy who looks like his muscle was acquired naturally on the job, chopping lumber, etc. A husky guy who maybe has a little extra fat, but is also strong and masculine, such as Scott Tanner.:heart:
Shaving of body hair is absolutely disgusting to me. Especially when they are lazy about it, or have bad skin. Stubble, razor burn, pimples--yuck! :butslap: Even trimming is grotesque, unless you are artful enough to make it look natural. There is a way to trim pubes back without making it obvious. The hairline has to look natural, and it takes skill and a bit of work. If you're too lazy to do it right, leave the hair alone. The only smooth body that has ever turned me on was Shane Rollins in his earlier films. :blushing: I assume he waxed, smooth, flawless skin, beautiful round muscled ass, perfect hole, great cock, handsome face, hot mouth. He still looked like a man, even without body hair. On the other end of the hair spectrum, I generally don't like back hair, but even there I am sometimes surprised because a particular guy will turn me on.
I hate the emo look, or whatever it's called. :rofl: No makeup, no plucked eyebrows, no stupid haircuts, no long Fabio hair. A normal man's haircut, a flattop, shaved head, etc. are what I want to see. I like men, not women or girls. I think that the extreme twink look is designed to appeal to pedophiles, and it's sick. Someone who looks like Justin Bieber? YUCK. Someone who looks like Tobey Maguire in Spider-Man? Hot! "Boyish" is one thing, girlish is another!
I like bareback in my porn (not in real life, though, partly because of diseases, and also because of general cleanliness issues), but felching grosses me out. Scat? Totally sick! Pissing can be hot, but rarely. Most of the time it just looks stupid and like they just decided to do it to cater to a market. It should fit into a dramatic scenario, but that calls for guys who can act, which rules out most porn.
I hate facials where the guy receiving the load has his lips so tightly closed he is grimacing. If you hate it that much, don't do it at all! If you can't take at least a little
in your mouth, don't let anyone shoot on your face! If I see a facial in porn, I expect the guy to at least taste it willingly, he doesn't have to lap it all up, but he should taste it (and seem to enjoy it), otherwise, unload elsewhere!
I hate high-pitched screaming. Michael Brandon, shut the fuck up when you come!
I hate weird twitching/shuddering/shaking/spasms/epileptic fits. Matt Summers, calm the fuck down! Maybe your orgasm is really intense, but it looks fake and stupid, and it is not erotic at all! Epilepsy isn't sexy, it's an unfortunate malady.
If you don't have a deep, sexy voice, don't talk during sex. If you can't act, don't talk during sex.
Michael Soldier is a superb actor (better than most Hollywood actors), he can talk/moan/gag/cry/whimper
all he wants. :heart:
P He was absolutely magnificent in his scene with Chris Steele in Cops Gone Bad. Zak Spears was a natural-sounding dirty talker, AND has a deep, masculine voice, so he was always hot when he talked, both bottoming and topping. Sam Crockett was always a tough yet tender dirty talker, and his Texas accent was pretty hot. Nearly everyone else should just shut up and fuck/suck.
I hate bad editing in general.
I want to see the insertion shot! It's amazing how many films show foreplay, then they cut away to the ceiling or a scenic landscape view (!), and then all of a sudden, a cock is deep in someone's mouth or ass! I want to see the cock
enter the guy's mouth. I want to see the first entry into the guy's ass! Is that too much to ask? Even more amazing are the movies where a famous top is going to bottom for the first time on film! They always fuck it up, it seems. Sam Crockett bottomed once, and it was so badly filmed and edited, it was ruined. Jake Taylor bottomed finally in Das Butt 2, and we got robbed of the first insertion! At least there were some clear fucking shots, and Jake had a hard cock, but the first entry into that hot ass would have been nice to see in lingering detail! Chad Hunt bottomed in Endgame, and it was completely awful. A total waste of time, poorly filmed, poorly edited, and he was also way past his prime.
Orgy/group sex scenes with too many people and bad editing turn me off. I want to be able to see what's going on, and who's doing what. A jumble of bodies doesn't do it for me.
Masks! If you want to be anonymous, don't do porn! If you are too ugly to show your face, don't do porn! Masks look fucking stupid, and turn me off. The only way a mask could work is if it was a rape fantasy, and the guy had one of those ski masks that people sometimes where when they rob banks! And you shouldn't even attempt such a scene unless you're a brilliant actor! Michael Soldier could pull it off. Ricky Sinz could probably pull off a scene where he is a criminal who gets interrupted during a robbery by a security guard/cop and then who decides to rape the guy. Other than that, no fucking masks in porn! :angry:
No limp dicks unless your character is playing a rape victim! And then you'd better be a brilliant actor! Kurt Stefano, please just die, you flaccid scene-ruining queen who was the blight of porn during the 1990s! Joey Stefano, good riddance to you, you drug-addled bitch who had zero sex appeal and too many limp scenes from drugs/overwork/whatever. The name Stefano should be retired from porn! Both these guys were supposedly very popular in their time, but I never understood why.~X(
No 'gay-for-pay' unless you're a brilliant actor and a nice guy who's willing to try hard to actually please your audience. (Kurt Wild, for example, but I don't believe he's straight. Probably not even bi, for that matter. He should tone down the whimpering, though. It gets a bit old.) Personally, I don't see how it's even possible for someone straight to get an erection with another guy, so I think these 'gay-for-pay' types are lying to themselves. I know that I could never get an erection with a woman. Viagra wouldn't cut it. If there is some kind of injection that can cause an erection with no 'erotic arousal' required, then that's what it would take. But even then, I'd be so repulsed by the pussy that they'd have to pay me a lot more than porn actors EVER make to get me anywhere near a woman sexually.
