Would you date someone who is HIV+?

[londonbuddy]

I have dated guys who are positive. some have told me up front before sex, and others later on, once we got serious. I believe that if you are taking your own precautions, then that it's not a big issue for me. I would never expect a guy to tell me immediaely, just because we were going to have sex, its a personal thing, its probsbly not an easy thing to come out with and sometimes you dont know how someone might respond. I knew someone who was starting to get serious with a guy and when he told him his staus, the guy freaked out big time and didnt see him again.

As long as you take the right precautions and its nothing too heavy, then fine. You have to look after yourself. If someone want sto BB, then you have to assume they are positive, you would be a fool not to.

And i find it funny that some people are so concerned about HIV, when no one ever asks anyone about their Hep C status, something that is equally dangerous!

 

[londonbuddy]

"Also, if I were to be dating a guy and he were to only tell me AFTER we'd had sex, then I'd end it on the spot for dishonesty and not caring about my well being. For me, honesty and consideration are at the very heart of a good relationship, so if you prove yourself to be dishonest and un-caring, then fuck it, the relationship is not gonna work."


I dont see what the difference would be if he told you before of after, if you both used protection.

Would you have different sex if he told you he was positive?

Maybe he was telling you BECAUSE he cared for you and wanted to be honest as a way of taking it forward. Why should he have to say upfront?

 

[gb2000ie]

"Also, if I were to be dating a guy and he were to only tell me AFTER we'd had sex, then I'd end it on the spot for dishonesty and not caring about my well being. For me, honesty and consideration are at the very heart of a good relationship, so if you prove yourself to be dishonest and un-caring, then fuck it, the relationship is not gonna work."


I dont see what the difference would be if he told you before of after, if you both used protection.

Would you have different sex if he told you he was positive?

Maybe he was telling you BECAUSE he cared for you and wanted to be honest as a way of taking it forward. Why should he have to say upfront?

It's about basic honesty. If someone doesn't think enough of me to be honest, then the relationship is doomed for day one, and if someone didn't tell me so they could get a shag before I had a chance to react I would feel used, violated, and raped, and I think I'd be 100% in the right.

There are two kind of people in this world, those who will react badly to a person with an STD, and those who won't, however, not telling either of those groups before sex only makes things worse, and never better.

In the case of the first group they will react even worse if told afterwards, and will feel violated.

In the case of the second group, of which I'm a member, they will be fine about it if told up front, but not at all if told afterwards.

So, by not telling people before sex there is no gain in long-term relationships at all, and in fact a distinct loss in that regard, only in short-term sex is there a gain, and being intentionally dishonest with someone to get sex is a form of rape. No one has a right to have sex with someone while infected with an STD without telling that person, just like no one has a right to come up to you and sneeze on you when they have the flu. No one would defend the latter, yet some people here seem to defend the former, and the only difference is that sneezing on some gets the sneezer no pleasure while having sex with someone while carrying an STD does, and that doesn't make it any better, in fact it makes it worse. You are not endangering someone for no reason, but for personal gain.

You mention in your previous post that no one is concerned about other STDs, I call BS on that, my view is exactly the same for all STDs.

B.

 

[Behrluvr]

The first thing I would say to someone is my HIV status if positive. Its too important not to. Its better to get it right out front.

 

[sheogoroth]

I have dated guys who are positive. some have told me up front before sex, and others later on, once we got serious. I believe that if you are taking your own precautions, then that it's not a big issue for me. I would never expect a guy to tell me immediaely, just because we were going to have sex, its a personal thing, its probsbly not an easy thing to come out with and sometimes you dont know how someone might respond. I knew someone who was starting to get serious with a guy and when he told him his staus, the guy freaked out big time and didnt see him again.

As long as you take the right precautions and its nothing too heavy, then fine. You have to look after yourself. If someone want sto BB, then you have to assume they are positive, you would be a fool not to.

And i find it funny that some people are so concerned about HIV, when no one ever asks anyone about their Hep C status, something that is equally dangerous!

Uh, f that s. It ceases to be "a personal thing" when you're putting your penis inside of someone. "As long as you take the right precautions" is all well and good, but if you knowingly withhold your status and they make what in any other situation is a pretty stupid decision you've just allowed someone to make a phenomenally stupid decision. And what's worse, as someone who has HIV you are uniquely qualified to know how sucky it is. You should really want to protect someone else from that, especially when you consider that you probably got it because someone didn't expressly tell you they had it too.

Personally, I've always said that if I ever tested positive, that particular strain would end with me. Which would mean that not only would I disclose my status to anyone I so much as had a fleeting interest in, but it would mean I don't have sex with negative guys. At all. Ever.

Now, that's just me, and I'm not going to impose my moral blah blah blah, but if you're not telling the person you're exposing (even marginally, even if you can argue it's their own damn fault for not flat out asking you first) to a life-altering and wildly unpleasant disease, then I think you're an ass. There, I said it.

 

[gb2000ie]

Uh, f that s. It ceases to be "a personal thing" when you're putting your penis inside of someone.

I love it - so well phrased!

And what's worse, as someone who has HIV you are uniquely qualified to know how sucky it is. You should really want to protect someone else from that, especially when you consider that you probably got it because someone didn't expressly tell you they had it too.

Exactly!

.... but if you're not telling the person you're exposing ... to a life-altering and wildly unpleasant disease, then I think you're an ass. There, I said it.

And I agree with you 100%

B.

 

[name_1]

i like it how gb2000ie managed to tell something in his post with like what, 13 words? LOL my post take up like 25 words? XD

 

[Komm]

Sure I would date them

 

[Snfk38]

My gut feeling is probably that I'd rather not, and I know that's kind of irrational. And yet, if I got know someone a bit before I found out, I might be more inclined to carry on seeing them - because I'd be working on an existing relationship rather than adressing an abstract problem. But I'd still be mad as hell that I hadn't been told sooner!

 

[Jörg]

I just asked myself, is the Top-Pic question the rigth question?

Does it realy matter, if a potential love/love is HIV -/+?

I think true love will live on, no matter what.

The true question should be, will I risk my own health, by performing unsave sexpraktice? No matter whit who!

Personally, I've always said that if I ever tested positive, that particular strain would end with me. Which would mean that not only would I disclose my status to anyone I so much as had a fleeting interest in, but it would mean I don't have sex with negative guys. At all. Ever.

Sounds so honorable and still isn't.
Why, now it is proofen, that a positiv guy can infekt an other positiv guy with just an other HIV-String. Means, make from one HIV-Infektion two.

Guys. just read and get informed about HIV, simply take care of your own sexpraktices, play always safe and you won't have to be worried about a lot of things, including HIV.

 

[topdog]

We seem to have covered the moral responsibility of the positive guy. But what about the responsibilities of the negative guy? :thinking:

Did I ask him about his HIV status? If it's so god damn important to me then I should initiate the conversation. Or do I not want to know? Am I assuming that everyone is negative unless they say otherwise? That's pretty dumb.

Did I have safe sex? If I did then HIV status is irrelevant, from a practical point of view; no virus can pass between us. Of course, maybe I have other objections to having sex with a HIV positive person, over and above the practical matter of avoiding HIV infection. Safe sex won't prevent other fears about being intimate with someone who is positive.

If I didn't have safe sex, well shame on me. I am the person with the primary responsibility of protecting my body. If I had a wild night throwing precaution to the wind, then I can hardly go around blaming someone else if I become infected.

As an HIV negative man, it is my responsibility to protect myself:

• I decide when I feel it is appropriate to discuss HIV status, and I start the conversation, if necessary.
• I don't abandon safe sex just because someone says that they are negative. There are a lot of people out there that have never been tested, so they wouldn't know if they were positive or not. As far as they know, they are negative. There are also people that are insecure and afraid to own up to their HIV status at the beginning of a relationship. And there are men who are irresponsible and don't care whether I'm infected or not. Talk is cheap. Unless we go together and are tested for several months, I never take anyone's word for it. I don't belive someone is negative until I see lab results.

It's always easy for me to just point the finger at the other guy and rattle off his list of shortcomings. But the reality is that the old cliche "it takes two to tango" is very true here. I can only become infected if I let my guard down. A new infection is a failure of both partners.

 

[sheogoroth]

If I didn't have safe sex, well shame on me. I am the person with the primary responsibility of protecting my body. If I had a wild night throwing precaution to the wind, then I can hardly go around blaming someone else if I become infected.

Bullshit. You absolutely can blame the person who knowingly hid their status. Yeah, you made a bad decision if you chose to have unprotected sex, and you absolutely hold SOME of the responsibility if you become infected. But there's a huge difference between negligent and malicious.

If you're negative and you have unprotected sex with someone you believe to be negative and it turns out he wasn't, you were negligent, you threw caution to the wind and you got bit in the ass for it. If you're positive and you have unprotected sex with someone and you don't tell them first, you've made a malicious decision. You've basically chosen to infect someone so that you could have sex with them, or so you could avoid embarrassment at having to tell them. You've said their health (and, let us not forget, the health of all the other people they will unknowingly infect until they test positive) is less important than you getting off. Which is just borderline evil.

See, if you're positive and you're worried about telling someone that, you think there's a real chance they're negative. Because if they were also positive, it wouldn't matter. So, you're only avoiding disclosing your status because you think that they're negative and they won't want to continue the relationship (or bang you) if they know. In other words, you're taking away their ability to make an informed decision because their decision, if informed, might not directly benefit you.

Yes, we should all use condoms all the time; if you don't you're taking your health in your hands. But fuck the idea that you can't hold the guy who didn't tell you his status responsible. You can. That guy is a horrible person.

 

[londonbuddy]

So do you ask someone about their entire STD history before sex? What about herpes that can stay in the system for ever? If someone didnt tell you about that

And what about the 25% of the people who are Hiv+ , but undiagnosed?

 

[gb2000ie]

Am I assuming that everyone is negative unless they say otherwise? That's pretty dumb.

Why? Percentage-wise the changes are very small. There are a million other medical conditions they MIGHT have either, it would take a month to get through the check list!

My partner has a dangerous allergy, he does not assume that everyone will think to ask him before putting food in front of him! The list of possible allergies is, like the list of STDs, endless, so, the responsibility is moved to the ill person to let others know about their particular ailment.

Did I have safe sex? If I did then HIV status is irrelevant, from a practical point of view; no virus can pass between us. Of course, maybe I have other objections to having sex with a HIV positive person, over and above the practical matter of avoiding HIV infection. Safe sex won't prevent other fears about being intimate with someone who is positive.

If someone has HIV there is much more to worry about than sex. You should not share a toothbrush and you need to be careful about some other non-sex things too. There is more to think about than just a condom.

If I didn't have safe sex, well shame on me. I am the person with the primary responsibility of protecting my body. If I had a wild night throwing precaution to the wind, then I can hardly go around blaming someone else if I become infected.

I'm not advocating un-safe sex, but I'm not stupid enough to think that the only thing I have to remember is to use a condom when fucking and them I'm totally safe from all STDs. It would be nice if the world worked like that, but it doesn't

In my line of work I deal a lot with IT security, and one of the most important concepts is that of defence in depth. Belt and suspenders as it were. Definitely always practice safe sex, but that takes away zero responsibility from the infected person to inform you so you can be on your guard against silly mistakes and accidents.

I wouldn't dream of having un-protected sex with a stranger, but I'd still be livid if someone who was infected with an STD had sex with me without telling me they were infected.

B.

 

[peteatplay]

Isn`t it best to assume you have to protect yourself all the time even with those you know.
My partner became HIV pos about 12 years ago through a relationship outside of our own. We`ve been together for 18 years. We`re still together.
I`m still neg because I`ve never given the decision to anyone else.
We were supposed to be monogamous but clearly we`re all human and can make mistakes.
Personally I think the Poz partner should tell a new partner of their status before they embark on a sexual relationship but I know from personal experience that because of all sorts of reaons this doesn`t always happen. So protect yourself or accept the consequences.

 

[consumerismsux]

I'd happily have unprotected sex with an HIV+ person because I believe that there isn't enough evidence to prove the existence of HIV. If anything, I'd be more concerned about catching 'real' diseases that can kill you.

Being "antibody positive" means death...unless you've had an HIV vaccine. In such a case, the antibodies one has is said to prove immunity. These antibodies are the same in both cases.

Where are all the dead bodies? Why is HIV/AIDS different between the USA & Africa?

 

[Sinnerr]

Date yes, sex no. I would not be scary to be in companion with HIV+ person. But would never go with him to bed. When I'm meeting a new guy, most important thing what I'm interested about is how careful is he about himself. If He seems to be irresponsible, I say good bye. If a guy would told me openly "I'm HIV+", I would answer "Thanks for information, I'm glad I have met you, but sex or partnership is impossible." He could think I'm cunt. Maybe I would be or I'm already. But having sex with HIV+ person seems to me like driving car without safe belt. Just too risky cos condom can crack.

 

[bigsal]

Let's go back to the original question:

If you met someone you were attracted to and found out they were HIV+, would you date them anyway or would you end the connection?

Absolutely, yes.

I fear more what they I do not know, that what I am aware of.

Looking at some of the answers on other forums or similar debates, between the lines, I read a condemnation of people living with HIV.
But beware of hasty conclusions, many of these are unwitting victims and some have been contaminated by blood transfusions.

 

[AleXXX UK]

Date yes, sex no.

That might not be a popular view but it shows who you date is your prerogative. It's your body, your choice. At the end of the day you live with the consequences of your decisions and actions. You have every right to say yes or no to whoever you want. No one else should judge you for that.

 

[Sinnerr]

That might not be a popular view but it shows who you date is your prerogative. It's your body, your choice. At the end of the day you live with the consequences of your decisions and actions. You have every right to say yes or no to whoever you want. No one else should judge you for that.

Yes. That's just my wiew, not necessarily widely popular. I'd like to say I don't have angry attitude to HIV+ people. It's sad that so many people are afraid to shake hand with someone who is +. All I want is to stay healthy. I agree that they are in fact victims (not only these who had caught it from blood donation which are about 1%), maybe because of lack of efective education (?). But It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be another victim.

Anyway:
For those who are " - " : Stay negative!
For those who are " + " : Stay strong!