When and how was your "Coming Out"?

[xXAsylumArmyXx]

I came out officially when I was like...12 or so. My parents told me that they were fine with it and had even figured I was from an early age. It was such a huge blessing to have them support me like that.

 

[iaminpdx]

late

I didnt come out until late in life. I was in my early thirties. I was closeted and in a relationship with a woman (which wasn't going well). All is good now and I am out to my friends and coworkers and me and my ex remain good friends.

 

[fspshk1627]

Wow, okay, i've not spoken about this much in a long time...here goes...

I'm not yet out to my parents, although i hope to be telling them soon - fingers crossed!! They're pretty liberal, yet, at heart, old fashioned. I really hope they're okay with it when i tell them (in the next 2 months, target.) *jitters*

I've told some of my closest friends and most of them are pretty cool with it...my roommate was really inquisitive though - *lots* of uncomfortable questions!! But it's fun! He was really upset when i told him i didn't think much of Olivia Wilde! (Jesse Spencer, though....ooh la la...phew!)

one of my best friends, this girl, the first person i ever told, said she's cool with it and she actually was, but now she just doesn't talk about it, changes the subject everytime and has been distancing herself from me...dunno what's happening there

as for straight crushes on close guy friends - wow! clearly, there are a lot of us who have that!! I'm no different, i even told the guy how i felt about him and who i was. He's the biggest homophobe i've ever seen and he doesn't talk about it much, but he's so supportive about it when i need to talk about anything, i guess its a mark of our friendship that he doesn't show how freaked out he is (though i can tell he is...lol) a big *mwah!* to him (though i wouldn't tell him that )

One of my oldest friends, i knew he was gay (found some good ol' b e l a m i on his laptop - yes, i copied it to mine ) and he just refused to acknowledge the fact. Until i told him about me and then whaddya know? he was jumping all over the place screaming "me too! me too!" like an excited li'l bunny! sigh...good ol' days...lol....

Anyway, i'm bracing myself for telling my family soon...i don't expect a very positive response, but we shall cross that bridge when we get to it.

Whew!! This is the first time i've spoken so much about myself!! All thanks to you guys, you complete strangers, you, who gave me so much hope reading your stories!

 

[luckyfennec]

... my mother cried a lot when I came out, but it was significantly less crying compared to when I told her I was joining the military. Now, she's comfortable with me being gay, but we never talk about boyfriends. A bit weird - kind of feels like 'don't ask don't tell' at home!

 

[damez84]

i still havent

 

[ratsa]

Wow, I like this ... I love you all ;-)

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

Hum let's see, I'd say officially 5 years when I've met the one

Well this one is a bit odd... because I'm out to so many and closed to so many at the same time, as much I know how it is important to gays to be out of the closet because they want to be free to date whoever they want and that no one will ever expect them to turn to a girl or vice and versa for a lesbian. Going out as a bisexual is a little more complex. First people don't believe you, then they call you the fence sitter, or the one and that comes quite often is that we are just in a transitional phase (this one comes from hidden gays who one day decided to become complete homo... but that many of them "particularly them" never had any real sexual encounters with a girl). Now we understand each other on whom I called the real transitional bisexuals. I have explained in other post all about bisexuality and I'm not doing that again here LOL

I will be quickly summarize my background with point to point:

• 4yr old somewhere in the Caribbean, mono parental, mother died of malnutrition. Sent to orphanage with little 2 years old sister.
• Not so long later been adopted by Canadian family (both of us)
• Went to live in a very small town with very few black kids (was hell for a good 13 years)
• Obviously problem of adapting lead to a very difficult teenage year so went in foster family for almost 3 years, juvenile for 1 year, Militia for 1 and half year.
• Worked as nude dancer, escort and porn performer
• Went to school got a degree in social science, followed by administration followed by psychology

So now you have it... so when I write stuff you'll know why I've learned to accept so many things in 30 years of life, I have a very open and critical mind, I've seen quite enough for my taste... god thank you it didn't affect me looking young.

Now I have known myself to be a bisexual for quite some time... have had several sexual adventures with boys and girls (mostly boys) since I was 13. But because most of the time I was hiding it behind a girlfriend they nobody really knew that I had a thing for dudes. My parents viewed me as the normal little dude having a cute little girlfriend (of whom her brother was also my fuck friend for the whole time we were together). Here is one of the reasons why I never really came out very young; first I wasn't sure whether I was gay or heterosexual... and back then there was only movement for gay teens and adults (bisexuals were all hidden in their garages, tree houses, farms, under a bridge with some uncles), I was a small dude, black in a very very white minded community... being adopted I was surrounded with Caucasian cousins, aunts and uncles... and of course I had enough to deal with them accepting my differences (and myself accepting that I was never going to as important as a real kid would), I didn't feel necessary to add more misery to my little existence by coming out gay (I wouldn't be here to write this today... I would have killed myself way before.) So I kept it secret the whole time and kept having secret sex with cousins, friends and girlfriend.

So arrived the day that I leave that darn community to come to the big City... Montreal for study... finally a city where I could at least tell that I was bisexual, and I did to some, and I had quite a nice time through my university years. Later on I was dancing in bars to get enough money which lead to escort, lead to France for advance study which lead to photo shoot, which lead to porn videos.

Few of my closest friends knew I was bisexual. From France I wrote to my mom to let her know... she didn't care (at that point we were not in good term)... but never told my dad (very large and old fashion family... didn't need more judgments... because I wasn't coming out as gay... I was coming out as bisexual... that's even worst. I did attempted when I was younger to come out, but it was way too complicated because I had to choose and I couldn't because I didn't see myself as a gay dude. My parents didn't understand shit and frankly neither did I at that time... to me it was just weird that I'd let a guy suck me and that I'd go fuck a girl right after, I was able to be in love with girls but sexually speaking loved it much much better with guys, but didn't hated it with girls either - if I lost you right there, just imagine a 14 years old trying to make sense of it all; all by himself.

So I finally decided just to leave it this way and live my life the way I intended... if I wanted a guy I'll have a guy and if I wanted a girl I'll have a girl. But since I've made my parents grand parents quite early they really didn't give a shit from now on what I was going to choose to be... the most important part of my job as a son was done.

Few years pass and I had mostly girlfriends shushing the gay part to almost anyone from now... until I met Alex, he was a 19 years old Aussie boy... came to Canada at 15, had three years bad relationship and almost succeed in killing himself from being too sad... I was already close to my 30's I was 10 years older. Alex, blond youthful, super gay but not too effeminate, very very very beautiful (more cute than Tommy Anders, Cachet or Case altogether), to my standard we became friend, coerced the dude in having sex with girl, waited a year and three months before breaking up my girlfriend and go out with him... first day almost broke his amazing cute ass LOl.

He became my dude and for sometimes we introduce ourselves as great friends but people who knew I was bisexual understood pretty quickly that he was much more than a friend, we were always together, never separated, during camping trip we were in the same tent and refused to be with any other so it was quite obvious so I introduce the dude as my boyfriend and did it as a round house... my mom, sis, dad, children, friends... and at the bottom of the text I've send them was I don't care whether you accept it or not... I had quite the difficult life thanks to me, thanks to you than to society, but thanks to Alex it's finally over.

The return was.. "Welcome in the family Alex" from almost everyone except my cousin who had three kids and was still expecting me to ram his ass someday. And I have been with my little dude who is in fact taller then me he's 5-10, I'm 5-8 but he's my little dude because he's 10 years younger... today he's head nurse... and he's feeling much better has I helped his parent few years ago accepting that Alex will never be comfortable with girls.

The end. :cheers:

 

[Jojobean27]

Never and Probably won't!

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

Never and Probably won't!

And sometimes it's better that way... I understand you 100%... When I was mostly with woman I didn't need to come out as a heterosexual... Hi my name is Jake I like pussy. As a bi living with a dude... I still don't feel the need because what I do in the viscinity of my bedroom with that dude regards us and us alone... I don't french kiss in public and rarely walk hand to hand... no matter if I am with a dude or a woman so when people see us they wouldn't know if we are a couple unless we decide to show it... and it's really is our decision not because we feel the need to hide. Alex and I are really not into public relationship, even though we are writing to each other in the private section of this forum... but it is really just for Alex to practice his writing skills... the dude wanna write a book LOL.

Coming out to me is the process of telling it to people you care about and people you love so they can support you in your choice. If you know that those people will never understand your choice or lifestyle... than be prepared for the double life. The rest of the society can shampoo my crutch (and that's a sociologist saying it LOL). if I die tomorrow... I know that in terms of law Alex would have a hell of an issue... but I've had written contracts and very important papers that gives him almost everything shared between the children of course... did we need to get married for that... nooo a good lawyer would do the trick, and indeed an understanding family that will not fight to get what rightfully was given to Alex.

 

[patrickdesalle]

I was a bit relunctant at the beginning and decided only to tell people who would ask because their would be interested in knowing. I the culture where I evolve it is quite hard to come out easily. I do not go around bragging about my sexual orientation, I just respect others and live my own sexuality discreetly. It is amazing how genuine discrete relationships can be. I love being loved in return and doing so many things other people do not need to know about and telling other gay and real friends about my love without revealing who the person is so both of us are protected. I fathered twin boys at the age of 16 and now I am a happy single father aged 25 with my ten year old kids and my secret lover. We have been going out for the last 8 years when I decided to break up with the mother of my boys. So as long as I have people to live for I do not have to break out to others the fact that I am gay or bisexual....

 

[amandude45]

I'm pretty nervous about coming out, so i don't really know how to approach it with people like my parents. Any tips?

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

I'm pretty nervous about coming out, so i don't really know how to approach it with people like my parents. Any tips?

Chances are your parents already knows... there is not much we can tell you because for everyone the experience is different. You need to tell us what is the relation with your parents, are you religious... no one can give you a right way without a little background information.

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

I was a bit relunctant at the beginning and decided only to tell people who would ask because their would be interested in knowing. I the culture where I evolve it is quite hard to come out easily. I do not go around bragging about my sexual orientation, I just respect others and live my own sexuality discreetly. It is amazing how genuine discrete relationships can be. I love being loved in return and doing so many things other people do not need to know about and telling other gay and real friends about my love without revealing who the person is so both of us are protected. I fathered twin boys at the age of 16 and now I am a happy single father aged 25 with my ten year old kids and my secret lover. We have been going out for the last 8 years when I decided to break up with the mother of my boys. So as long as I have people to live for I do not have to break out to others the fact that I am gay or bisexual....

Exactely dude... I also have children and because I did what society and my parents expected me to do I am now free to do pretty much what I want... and god do I enjoy this freedom LOL

 

[burmrc77]

I came out when I was 24. Kind of late I know, but better late than never.

 

[labellemer]

I never have been in, so it was not an issue for me, family , work, none gay friends, just accepted me for been me.
I know many people have great problems with coming out, but what works for one does not work for all.

 

[mickeymc]

I came our in high school about 1966. I was 15, about to be 16 and my Mother intercepted a letter from an older boy I was seeing on the sly. She gave the letter to my Father who confronted me with its content. I had sexual feelings for other boys since first grade but really didn't understand them. In any case, I admitted to my Father that I had been seeing the writer of the letter...I'll call him Peter. He was attending the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts in London. He came home to northern Ohio for the holidays. We had a torrid love affair starting when I was 15. The last time we made love we sneaked up to the little servant's quarters above the car port. The rooms were used by his mother as a sewing room. Peter was gorgeous, 19 and very passionate. Our love affair continued the rest of the year until just before Christmas. After the confrontation with my Father I told Peter I could not see him anymore. It broke my heart. We saw each other several years later when he was appearing in a play in New York. (I had moved there to pursue my own acting career. Funny though...it just wasn't the same. I did stand up to my Father when I turned 17 and told him I had not changed my lifestyle choice. There was no choice for me and Dad realized it then. He told me he would never tell my Mother as it would break her heart. Dad died when I was 21 and shortly after that (about 3 months) I came out to my Mother. She was upset but it did not break her heart. Actually I think she always knew. ...And she handled the news much better than my Dad. Those were tumultuous years indeed! Hope you enjoyed my little story! Its all true!

 

[xander1961]

I came out when I was 15, but have to say it was not a surprise to my parents, because they had caught me having sex twice, once in their barn and once in a car. So, needless to say, they were not shocked when I confirmed to them that I was gay. I grew up in a farm community, with seven brothers (none of them are gay) but was accepted for being me, not for being gay. I feel that I was very fortunate to have such an understanding family!

 

[imaginetruth]

My coming out didn't go well at all. This was before the time the PTA started protesting a gay character being on the show Dawson's Creek. I went to a high school in the middle of a corn field in Indiana. I was 14 at the time. I didn't even know any better, because of lack life experience plus to me, liking guys wasn't any sort of issue to me. It seemed to me to be as natural as breathing air. So when I realized I liked guys, i just shrugged, accepted it without a question, and proceeded to tell my friends I had grown up with. That was a big mistake. My school experience ended up turning into pure hell. I told my parents, and thankfully they didn't have a problem with it, but every time I can home with bruises or things from school, the school played it off like I slipped and fell down stairs or something. My parents didn't have the income to move or send me to a different school. In the end, I had to drop out of school and get my GED. It happened when it hit a breaking point and guys in my phys ed class decided to play kick the faggot in the locker room. It ended up being me versus 6 other guys. The coach walked in, saw who they were kicking the crap out of, smiled, nodded and just walked out.

 

[aquq_boy]

never

 

[SimplyJakeAndAlex]

My coming out didn't go well at all. This was before the time the PTA started protesting a gay character being on the show Dawson's Creek. I went to a high school in the middle of a corn field in Indiana. I was 14 at the time. I didn't even know any better, because of lack life experience plus to me, liking guys wasn't any sort of issue to me. It seemed to me to be as natural as breathing air. So when I realized I liked guys, i just shrugged, accepted it without a question, and proceeded to tell my friends I had grown up with. That was a big mistake. My school experience ended up turning into pure hell. I told my parents, and thankfully they didn't have a problem with it, but every time I can home with bruises or things from school, the school played it off like I slipped and fell down stairs or something. My parents didn't have the income to move or send me to a different school. In the end, I had to drop out of school and get my GED. It happened when it hit a breaking point and guys in my phys ed class decided to play kick the faggot in the locker room. It ended up being me versus 6 other guys. The coach walked in, saw who they were kicking the crap out of, smiled, nodded and just walked out.

I would have kill those bastard... a friend of mine got pretty much the same treatment, but I happened to knew who they were and rich of some martial arts lessons and because I was a very angry teenager (I am tiny but it's not recommended to push the wrong button) I gave them a free pass to hospital... they've been hospitalize for 2 days and when they got out they would never again make fun or beat a gay or weaker kid because I was well ready to send them back to hospital. They didn't clap their mouth about the beating they receive either.

These darn behavior from kids is beyond me... for a darn sexual orientation. I warn the school were my children attend that if ever I hear that my son or daughter have been beaten because they have a father living with a dude I'll sue the school, the parents until they're left with a maple leaf has their own underwear.

Good that you're still here to tell the story dude