When and how was your "Coming Out"?

[burmrc77]

I came out at 17. A very nice girl asked me out and I had to be honest with her. Then I told my family and friends.

 

[Candle_Massacre]

Pretty bad, told a few people I went out with a cross dresser/tv and I got bullied a lot, whats worse is having biological parents who want no part of your life or are un acceptent no matter what/who you are. I tried on women's clothing as early as high school and been into CDing for almost 3 years. I live in a boring as Hell town, lot of straights just stare at me like I wanta get beat up LOL....if anyone gave me a problem now I just ask em if they wanta get possessed lol. Any of you guys got picked on cause of your orientation? I 'am an Aspie as well so I learned to watch out for my self.

 

[dxmien]

My mom was cool. My dad wasn't happy but he got over it. I was 18 at the time.

 

[colliderus]

2004, had to move out from home, was ready at 20 (i thought) and took years to get relationship with family back. It's work in progress. Now regular dysfunctions are bigger obstacles than my gayness. lol

 

[Shelter]

When I was 15/16 yo I was looking more for good shaped boys than for girls. With 17/18 yo mymom asked me - and I lied because I was frighten. But with 19 I've had my first real boyfriend and he brought me to the truth. He visited me in my parents home as my good friend. And my mother asked him to have a dinner with us. And during the dinner he kissed me (he was 22 yo and more courageous than me. I think it was a little moment of shock at the table. Than my mom broke the ice and said: and why haven't you had the guts to tell that earlier? My dad was for a little longer time speechless - he thought he has made a mistake in my growing up! But today (7 years later) everything is good with my family. And the very best - my boyfriend from then always is with me! And he is until today the happiness of my heart.

 

[randall20]

21

 

[quite2]

I will not come out, since there is not need to.
In my opinion being gay is as normal as being straight and nobody goes to his parents and says: "By the way, I like pussy."

 

[gb2000ie]

I will not come out, since there is not need to.
In my opinion being gay is as normal as being straight and nobody goes to his parents and says: "By the way, I like pussy."

IMO that means you are out. If you're not pretending to be straight, then you're not in the closet.

B.

 

[ihno]

Actually you are very often in the closet. You just have to meet new people, have a new job or move somewhere else and - bang - back in the closet and all that "I'm gay by the way" has to start again. You may not pretend to be straight still but most people just expect you to be.

 

[gorgik9]

Actually you are very often in the closet. You just have to meet new people, have a new job or move somewhere else and - bang - back in the closet and all that "I'm gay by the way" has to start again. You may not pretend to be straight still but most people just expect you to be.

:agree:
Totally true.

 

[W!nston]

There are many different stories about revealing myself. There are the stories of telling my parents, my siblings, my friends and my co-workers. I think I'll begin with "Telling My Parents".

I had been away at college in my freshman year. I came home for Christmas Break very distraught following a mad, knock-down, drag-out punch-up with my dorm-mate/boyfriend/bff since 10th grade.
It was a horrible scene - it ended in the hallway with both of us stark naked and security guards pulling us apart. I don't recall the exact spark that ignited the built up tension between us but I'm sure it was jealousy. After a trip to the infirmary I left for home.

I arrived bruised and shaken and I was horrified by the prospect of facing my folks. I knew they would be shocked and worried to death. I entered the kitchen - all the lights in the house were on and it was midnight. The whole gang was waiting up for my triumphant return. I looked like a survivor of a train wreck. My mother's jaw dropped and my father stood frozen at the sight.

Rather than waiting for the interrogation I quickly said I had been in a fight and they should see the other guy. Now, they all new I was never a fighter and my story seemed unbelievable (if it were my older brothers standing there looking like hell my parents wouldn't have even asked, lol).

After a little chit-chat I went to the den and my mother followed. I broke down and began to sob like a schoolgirl. I told my mother I had to tell her something that I was sure she already knew but I had a need to tell her the whole story. She said the right things and stroked my hair (I had lovely hair back then, lol) as I tried to speak. I told her "I'm the black sheep of our family, I have always been different and now I can say I'm a queer (the term gay was still unknown to me because I had only heard harsh words like fag, faggot, queer and sissy to name a few) and I can't change that".

In her special way she told me of my uncle and some cousins who were like me and I knew them and they were good men and I was good, too. The conversation was one of the best experiences of my life. I learned that both my parents knew from early childhood I would be different and they had always encouraged me to be true to myself. She said I had nothing to be ashamed of but I should be careful about who I was open to because of consequences I had been shielded from by my older brothers and sisters. I found out that my brothers had been in many fights over the years because of talk around school. I had been bullied by classmates but I didn't know my brothers had taken shit from their classmates as well. I must say I had and still have the best family a queer could ask for. Unconditional acceptance and even protection from the cruel realities of life.

If you have a story you would like to share please post it here. I think some closeted members might take inspiration from our example. If they cannot come-out themselves at least they can hear some of the different scenarios and responses the rest of us have experienced. In that way perhaps our fellow members who must hide their true nature can feel a little of the liberation "Coming Out" can bring.

jl2
_

Great 'coming out' story. It sounds familiar. My experience was very similar.

This is a great thread. I hope many others will find it and share something of their experience with 'Coming Out'

 

[OLMPKY]

i was 15. but my family already knew.

 

[antoineee]

I was 24, even then was hard for my parents, my father didn't even talk to me for a couple months, but 5 years later things are cool and I can visit them with my boyfriend with no issues

 

[ABUK]

When I was 19, just separated from my wife got drunk and ended up in bed with another bloke. Always knew it felt right so told my parents 6months later and the rest as they say is history.

 

[warp9]

12 - my classmates run away from me, even the hard beaters, which was a nice side effect. It was kinda funny, 'cause the girls were behind me and i was behind the boys, who were behind the girls. In my younger years I was very offensive and had never any difficulties 'bout beeing gay - except with my father, who wasn't happy about this at all !

 

[Smokey]

I came out when I was 13yo

I was intent on being different and I knew I was gay from an early age, I wanted everyone to know and was not sure how to show it. This was 1979-1980 and the androgenous musicians from Europe had just become popular over here, Annie Lennox, Grace Jones, Pete Burns, Boy George, etc... So I started dressing like them and my parents thought I had lost my mind. They sat me down and asked me if I was on drugs and I was appalled that they would even think that, so I shouted out,how dare they and that I wasn't on drugs, I was gay and have been out ever since.

 

[brafly]

Came out when I was 18 to my best friend. I thought she was going to blab it to everyone [because she has a big ass mouth], but shockingly, she kept her mouth shut and I was able to eventually come out to everyone who received it well. I've had a few mishaps but other than that, all is good.

 

[coolfashion]

Not yet, might never will.

 

[Otage]

Not yet, might never will.

Most important thing is to be ready yourself. And you're right, you don't have to ever come out, but hiding yourself can be hard sometimes. I had difficulties to actually get the courage to tell the first person, and it caused so much distress so I just dropped the idea for a while, and let it "bake" in peace. Stop worrying about the solution, relax, and sometimes the solutions just pops up to your mind And after coming out, my life didn't really change at all, I just have more sex Well I also feel bit more whole maybe, more honest to myself, more in control (don't let other people opinnions rule you), more relaxed, but not that much

 

[Shelter]

Most important thing is to be ready yourself. And you're right, you don't have to ever come out, but hiding yourself can be hard sometimes. I had difficulties to actually get the courage to tell the first person, and it caused so much distress so I just dropped the idea for a while, and let it "bake" in peace. Stop worrying about the solution, relax, and sometimes the solutions just pops up to your mind And after coming out, my life didn't really change at all, I just have more sex Well I also feel bit more whole maybe, more honest to myself, more in control (don't let other people opinnions rule you), more relaxed, but not that much

Coolfashion this is a very, very, very good word of advice which Otage has given to you. No one could have said it better to solve your "problem".

Anon URL

Look at this little video, from american twins who are telling their father they are gay. A very moving video.