When and how was your "Coming Out"?

[krissieslut_au]

My depression was caused partly by staying in the closet. Yes, some of the pressure was lifted but I lost some mates who couldn't cope with drinking with a gay guy. Also the lies I told my family and ex-wife are coming back to haunt me. It's a mixed blessing.

 

[logan222]

to logan222:
you can let them be and live your life. or you can say it and so give them chance to accept it. maybe they never knowed anybody who is gay. you say you love them so much. if they love you same as you love them they could accept it ... slowly. maybe not.

if you are sure they aren't able to accept it just live your life without them ... i think it's better than taking soul torture. you have to be fair to yourself - i think it's most important think in life

why do you love them to death? do they love you? do they love you as you are or as they want you to be? i'm really not sure that it's not their fault that they are intolerant, of course they are victims of bigot religion... is it your fault that you like boys? i'm sure it's not!

So good luck and be strong ;-)

Thank you so much for your advice! I really appreciate it. I guess the problem is that my parents are a big part of my life. We're very close. Of course I love them to death, and I'm sure they also love me to death, but with their upbringing, they'd be so disappointed that it might seem like they don't love me as much...which would crush me (and will crush me because I will eventually come out). My parents love me the way I've pretended to be for so long. Well, it's not really pretending. I'm being myself; I'm just not saying "Hey, everyone, I like boys." No one has asked me. To be honest, even though a 22 year old guy never having a gf is a huge clue, they just assume it's because I'm so into my academics that I never wanted to be distracted. Maybe they do really know and are just comfortable with me holding it in forever...don't worry - that won't happen. Eventually, I'll find the courage, I hope.

The other thing is that there aren't that many strong incentives to coming out. What will happen once I do it? People will treat me differently - worse. I have yet to meet an openly gay man that I like. All of the ones I've met are sex-crazed people that don't interest me more than in a sexual way. If I find a guy I really, really like who seems to be worth it - then I think I'll be good and ready to come out with him. I once had a fling with a guy. Both of us were "straight" in everybody's eyes. We talked about eventually coming out together, but he kept being uneasy about admitting that he's gay. Heck, for all I know, he wasn't really gay - he was too nervous to confront women, so maybe I just seemed like an easier target for human-on-human contact. Either way, it didn't seem worth it to come out if he wasn't willing to join me. Over time, I realized that he, in general, also isn't worth it.

I'm living with my parents (I barely graduated this year) for now and working. I'm going back to get my master's next year. I plan on going away and embracing my sexual orientation there. I'll be more independent then.

Also, being closeted has been a huge strain on my social life. Aside from my regular group of friends, it's hard for me to connect with guys because they always talk about women and how sexy they are. It always comes off as unnatural when I try to play along. With women, because they don't know I'm gay, they are sometimes attracted to me, which makes things very uncomfortable when you're not ready to tell them you're gay yet. I'm not a feminized gay guy (almost all of the gay guys in my area are incredibly feminized), so it's really hard for anyone to even suspect I might like boys.

 

[Sinnerr]

to logan222:
You're welcome. it's fine that you are ok abyout being gay and you got idea what to do.
Only remember that you aren't required to spend your time with fanatic religious idiots and latent homosexual homophobes. In case "sex-crazed guys", your attitude is typical foolish cliche. Most sex obsessed guys are fathers from families whos thought that they're gay in their 30s or 40s (somebody later). So they live 2 lifes: usualy "decent gentleman", but few nights a week "darkroom fucker". Boys whom you marked as "sex-crazed" just don't want to be hidden. It doesn't mean that they're superficial.

Have you ever tried some dating site? for example http://anonym.to/?http://www.gayromeo.com

 

[gb2000ie]

I'm living with my parents (I barely graduated this year) for now and working. I'm going back to get my master's next year. I plan on going away and embracing my sexual orientation there. I'll be more independent then.

I didn't feel comfortable coming out in my home rural very catholic home town, but I was able to do it in university, and it was a very positive experience for me. Later, a few years later, when I had fully come to terms with being gay myself, and regained the self confidence that I'd lost being in the closet for so long, I was able to come out at home too. Turns out, my home town was a LOT less homophobic than I always believed it was.

B.

 

[ThatGuy54]

I am still not fully out.

 

[samuelashley]

My sister outed me.

Read through my phone, took it to my parents and voila, "Samuel, mummy wants to talk to youuuu" in a dead cheery voice.

I goes down stairs "Hey love, have you anything you want to tell me and your dad?"

-"No, why"
--"It's just erm, our Becky just went through your phone"
-"FML! REBECCA YOU LITTLE RAT!"
--"Oi oi don't shout at her, we only want to talk babe, sit down with us"

and thus began, 1 hours talk of boys, when I first found out, what makes me tick and that they are so proud to come out to them, to which I replied "I was intending to keep it a secret, but looks like that's dead in the water. Gotta dash, I'm on WoW, ciao".


Not dysfunctional, but rather an odd outing indeed. ha

 

[XMan101]

Thanks for all the great stories (it's not really an appropriate word) but I hope it helps so many others who are in that middle ground

 

[zooty]

First of I live and grew up in South Africa. And to set the scene for my coming out I am white, 6"2. Mom is a conservative lady that grew up on the mines. My dad was a provincial rugby player, 6"7 and what is referred to as a Boer here (not that he is a farmer, he is an engineer).

I came out at 14 to my mom at a camping trip with the family. Just mentioned it, at that age I was not yet aware that this would be taboo. I think I said something like "I look at boys like my friends look at girls. Is it ok to want to kiss them too?" (as a rough translation as Afrikaans is my mother tongue. She just kind went quiet and cried allot that day. Months after she still wasn't talking much to me. I had to go to therapy, which I did to make her happy.

She let go of the idea that I was just in a phase or confused mid way through my high-school years and we started to rebuild trust. She requested I not have a boyfriend while living there as it would be too hard on her, and I respected that till the year after I left their house. With only one awkward attempt at a birds and bees talk, that was more a how to stay safe tips chat. So my first kiss was at the age of 25, as I lived there during getting my degree.

My dad was fine with me, think he always knew. My siblings were very supportive, and never made a big deal out of it. I am the middle child with an older sister and younger brother. My brother came out too at the age of 21, don't really blame him for waiting till he was out of the house. But he did thank my for making it easier for him to do so.

I now have been with my partner for three years, and we visit my parents at least once a moth. They treat him as a son, and my mom and me are closer than ever.

 

[XMan101]

It's odd but my Dad was fine too

Treasure your parents guys, they aren't here as long as you'd like

 

[lionelboy]

Just after High-School.
My young brother already knew, my parents suspected it, I think. My friends had no idea.
In college, I was openly gay.

 

[cavonzia]

so lucky you guys to be able to come out
i live in country where most of people are homophobic,even if i come out to my parents i won't be able to come out to another people,they'll hate me and surely pushed me to become str8...

 

[RefixnarcisM]

so lucky you guys to be able to come out
i live in country where most of people are homophobic,even if i come out to my parents i won't be able to come out to another people,they'll hate me and surely pushed me to become str8...

So true since we live in a same country.

 

[jim5677052]

i'm coming out so you better get this party started...

 

[MileHiGuy]

Came out my Senior year in high school after receiving my acceptance letter to college. Figured they both would be good news.

 

[mulben]

My brother found out...!

I used to share a room with my brother when I was 17 and he found some gay porn mags that I thought I had hidden too well to be found. He told my parents and they asked me if I was gay and I just said yes and we didn't talk about it for years afterwards as they acted like it never happened. But that was a very long time ago and now we are fine and I have long since forgiven my brother.
:thumbs up:

 

[michel21]

I like my girlfriend and I like my best friend. He's straight now, but when younger he told me he was bisexual. I'm confusing. I want them both. He knows I like him that way, nobody else. I think I'll just keep that way, as we are good friend and the only think he asked me is that I don't talk about it anymore. Since then he's even closer of me... strange and confusing and I'm afraid to do anything.

 

[kurt]

Alcohol + vulnerable emotion = coming out. Haha.

Went out with friends (all girls) on a holiday and got fuckin drunk. Then told them the whole truth in tears. Turns out, they had feelings for me and I had feeling for them but I couldn't accept it since I'm not attracted to them (I guess the feelings are more like I'm really comfortable with them and I care for them? I'm not even sure). They'll always be my more-than-ordinary friends I guess. It's all really confusing.

 

[Ramjet]

I was 17 when a cop told my parents

 

[chubboi2010]

my parents found out i had a boyfriend because they sent my brother to spy on me at the mall. They found out and disowned and kicked me out. I lived with my boyfriend for a week before his parents found out and i was kicked out of there too. i now live with my cousin. she's bi.

 

[Ramjet]

my parents found out i had a boyfriend because they sent my brother to spy on me at the mall. They found out and disowned and kicked me out. I lived with my boyfriend for a week before his parents found out and i was kicked out of there too. i now live with my cousin. she's bi.

that's harsh, ... and they still won't talk to you?